The Final Season of Baby Daddy!
by kiernanfan
Summary: Here is the sixth and final season of Baby Daddy, in 14 chapters! Riley is very pregnant and she and Danny worry about their future. Ben wonders about the mysterious Elle. Tucker advances in his professional career, and Bonnie's marriage progresses. All five cast members will be in every chapter, even if the character feature only allows four. And that's just the beginning!
1. Chapter 1 606 Mother's Daze

_Actually this story isn't devoted to the entire sixth season of Baby Daddy. As fans know, the last season ended with Riley pregnant, almost everyone leaving New York to pursue their dreams with Ben staying with Emma wondering about the mysterious Elle whom he keeps missing. This story moves on with episode six, and then to the last thirteen episodes with Riley giving birth in the episode ten, the mid-season finale. So for the first five episodes, here's a basic summary: there's been a gap of six or so months, the others have returned to New York. Among mildly amusing anecdotes, Tucker brings back a beautiful woman to his apartment, only for things to fall apart because Emma sleeps there. Ben was about to give up searching for Elle and date someone else, only to interrupt a date when he saw her. He didn't meet up with her because of comic mishaps, but it did keep up his interest with her alive. Elle has met Bonnie, who completely failed to realize that Elle and Ben were interested in each other. Riley and Danny have decided to get married when she is not visibly pregnant. She can't really go to Vancouver, because it's difficult to practice law in an entirely different country. And now, episode 6.06:_

 **Mother's Daze**

 _Intro:_

Danny was getting ready to leave while Ben was making breakfast for Emma. "See you guys, I'm off to meet Riley for our ultrasound today."

"Isn't that a bit late?" Ben wondered. "I thought ultrasounds were much earlier."

"Yeah, well there were complications with our insurance as we kept deciding whether we would be going to Vancouver or not. And also Riley was nervous about finding out the sex of the baby. But it's all good." Danny left just as Tucker come out of his bedroom. "I'm surprised he's still living here." Ben said.

"I'm actually more surprised you're still looking for your mystery girl. Seriously you should try for someone else. Why don't you?"

"Not to be rude, but when have you ever given me useful romantic advice?"

"I've given you plenty of it. Just not about Riley. Now look at me, by contrast. When I was in California, I met this attractive model who was tied to the entertainment work I was doing. You may have heard of her, Liza Marquette?"

"The swimsuit model?"

"Yeah, that's her. Now I know she wouldn't be immediately interested in me. But I was subtle. I was careful. I certainly didn't blow her off in the hope that I would find a perfect woman who existed only in my imagination..."

"How would a famous swimsuit model not be your perfect woman?"

"..Instead, I played my cards right. We became closer and closer friends. Now she's back in New York for a modelling gig. And I think I can get..." But Ben had already turned on the television and was looking for the news. "Hey isn't that her?"

Tucker looked to see Marquette at a fashion event, escorted by a much taller, richer and famous athlete. It was very obvious that they were a couple. Tucker bit his lip. "OK, I may just need a back-up plan."

 _Title sequence_

 _Act 1_

Riley and Danny were watching the ultrasound that the obstetrician of Bengali descent was showing them. "The first thing Ms. Perrin is that you and the baby are in excellent health. Second, as you can clearly see, you're having a boy!"

"Really?" Danny asked. "Because it doesn't quite look like one."

"He's a seven month fetus, Mr. Wheeler. He can wait twenty years before he has to worry about the size of his penis." The obstetrician smiled a little broadly, then helped disconnect Riley from the ultrasound. "It looks like it will be a very big boy, too. I'm sure he'll be just like his father."

"Well that's a relief," said Riley who did not look relieved. The two left the clinic. "I've got to get back to the bar." said Danny.

"And I've got to meet your mother and help take care of Emma this afternoon." Danny kissed her and went his way. She smiled, then looked at the pamphlet the obstetrician had given her: _"So your labor is extremely long and painful"_ and winced in terror.

Meanwhile, Ben was already at the bar, adding up some calculations about inventory. He tapped his fingers on the counter. "I wish I could remember what that song was." But before he could figure it out Tucker came in. He sat sourly near Ben. "Pour me a scotch."

"Isn't it a little early in the day to start drinking?"

"Why is it you Wheelers are so lucky in love and I get nothing?"

"I think you're talking to the wrong Wheeler about that."

"No seriously, you're always having flings with women, while I get nothing!"

"Actually I'm fairly sure that you've slept with more women with me since you left for California."

"Hah! I'll bet $200 you've slept with more women."

"I haven't slept with anyone since I broke up with Sam."

"Really? Damn. Can you take a cheque?" Just then Tucker's cell phone rang. "Hello? OK. All right. I understand. I'll see you shortly."

Tucker put the phone down on the counter. "That was work." He moped for a minute, then began complaining again. "I still say it's not fair that you should be more lucky with women than me."

"But I haven't been lucky at all!"

"But everyone thinks that everything rotates around you, and they don't care at all about me."

"Who thinks that?"

"You do! You care more about your love life than about mine!"

"I don't _quite_ think that's the definition of selfishness."

"When have you ever helped me get a date?"

"Let's see. There was the time we set you up with your former wife. And there was the time me and Mom helped you with that girl, whose relationship you promptly screwed up on your own."

"But what about this year?"

"Well as you may remember we were on opposite sides of the continent, which made it hard to set up dates for you." Ben then bent below the counter as he looked under it.

"What are you doing?"

"You said you wanted some Scotch, and I'm looking for some under the counter."

"You're deliberately avoiding me."

"I'm clearly not avoiding you, since I'm still talking to you." As it happened it was at this moment that Elle entered and looked around. She didn't see Ben at all, of course. "There's something about this place. For some reason I feel like I'm going to meet my destiny here." She looked around, and decided to go to the washroom to freshen up.

"Look I'll have to get some more Scotch from the back." Ben got up and went to the storeroom. "Actually, I won't bother with the drink," Tucker called out, leaving his phone behind. Just then Elle got out of the washroom and strode into the main area. "Did you say something?" Ben asked, carrying a bottle of Scotch. Realizing that Tucker was gone, but with Elle just out of his line of sight, he muttered "Maybe I should get some other things as well." He quickly returned with some boxes, which unfortunately blocked his view of Elle, who looking around and still not seeing what she wanted, left the bar.

As he was taking things out, he noticed Tucker's phone. "Maybe there's somebody in his call list I could try to set him up with." Just then the phone rang. "Sweet Mama." Ben wondered. "So what does Sweet Mama want with Tucker," as he answered. "Yes, this is Ben. Ben Wheeler. No I'm Tucker's best friend... Oh, you already know that. But yes he is in Manhattan. In fact he'll probably come back when he realizes that he left his phone here. I'll just give you my address..."

Meanwhile Riley was with Bonnie and Emma at a cafe. "I'll have two cocktails," Bonnie told the waitress, who then walked away.

"Umm, Mrs. Wheeler, I can't actually drink alcohol. Remember, I'm going to give birth to your grandson in six weeks."

"Oh, those are for me. You should learn how to order your own drinks."

Riley sighed. "I'm sorry. I suppose I should be happier."

"But you're giving birth to my first grandson! That's wonderful. Not that you're not wonderful too," Bonnie told Emma.

"I'm actually a bit worried about labor."

"Oh yeah. Did I ever tell you how I gave birth?"

"Several times throughout my life, and with no shortage of them during my pregnancy."

"Forty hours. At least. It was quite an experience. It's not one you're going to forget."

"Oh God."

"Of course, you're much smaller than me. You're practically petite."

"Maybe I should just get a cesarean."

"I've known several women who had cesareans. There was Abby Goldfinch. Had this biggest ugliest scar from it. I saw her in the changing room at the pool back in New Jersey. And the stretch marks made everything worse."

"Helpful as always Mrs. Wheeler." Just then Bonnie noticed a bus going by. "Hey, i think that bus has one of my new realtor ads." She got up and chased it for half a block. "Yeah, that ad actually worked very well." She walked back to the cafe and leaned near a wall near the entrance. She noticed a police officer asking the cafe owner some questions. "Yeah, I'm looking for this blonde woman. I'm told she's very striking."

"What's this about?"

"Well there are these unpaid parking tickets. I have to arrest her for them." Bonnie immediately grimaced, and used her jacket to cover up her hair. She carefully peeked into the cafe, and saw the policeman step up to Riley, and then arrest her and take her away. Bonnie skillfully stepped up behind them and extracted Emma. "Phew. Glad that wasn't us."

Meanwhile back at the bar, Tucker returned. "I think you're looking for this." Ben said as he held up his phone. "Also, here's some news. Someone named 'Sweet Mama,' called looking for you. And I said you'd be back soon."

"You said what?"

"Is there a problem? Is this a former date you don't want to meet?"

"Ben.." and Tucker was clearly concerned, and a little horrified, "'Sweet Mama,' isn't a former girlfriend. _She's my mother_!"

 _Act 2_

"Oh."

"Oh? That's all you've got to say?!"

"Well, I thought you might meet an old girlfriend. But I can set you up some other time."

"I don't want you to do that!"

"Actually you spent the morning complaining that I didn't do that."

"You're not supposed to take me seriously!" And then Tucker whimpered a little.

"Dude, what's the matter?"

"I don't want to meet my mother! Don't the fact that you've never actually met in all the years we've known each other give you a big hint?"

"What's the problem? Is there something wrong with her?"

"You don't understand. She's a _Republican_."

"What?"

"You heard me. She is literally the only black woman I know who's a Republican. She kept saying all my life that this Reagan thing was just a fling that the party would get over. All my life she thinks what a tragedy Dan Quayle never became president."

"Dan Quayle?"

"Well in fairness the three other candidates in 1992 were all from Confederate states."

"Oh. What does she think of Trump?"

"Ben, my mother is narrow-minded, judgmental and dogmatic. She has never forgiven me for giving up law and going into journalism. She is often resentful and has never given me useful advice about sex outside the bounds of her dogmatic Protestantism. I didn't say she was a sociopath."

Just then a deep sultry voice could be heard. "Tucker? Is that you?"

At the back of the bar, Danny was just arriving when he cell rang. "Hello?"

"Danny, it's me," Bonnie said, who was inside the courthouse. "I need to talk you to about an awkward situation."

"Sure Mom. What about?"

"Let's suppose that Riley had all these unpaid parking tickets. And let's suppose that when a policeman came to ask her about them, she evaded them and they took in your poor Mom by mistake? What should I do?"

"Not much?"

"Really? I shouldn't do anything?"

"Well, you're in prison. What is there you can do?"

"Oh right. Of course. I mean what should Riley do?"

"Well I think that Riley should man up and come forward and pay her tickets so that you could leave."

"Of course. Yes, that's precisely what Riley should do." Bonnie turned to Emma. "Damn it!"

"I can't imagine Riley being so rude. I should have a talk with her."

"Oh no, no! It was just a hypothetical situation. It's one of those board games, Scruples! Yes that's it! So, gotta run." Bonnie picked up a form and pored over it. "Just another thing. Could you give me your credit card number?"

"This isn't another scam of yours is it?"

"Of course not Danny. I'm a well paid professional women with a prosperous husband. It's just that there are some wedding things we need to get started, even if it's several months in the future. Thank you," as she wrote down the numbers. "And that Emma, is called doing the right thing. Oh, don't judge me."

Just then Ben realized that Mrs. Dobbs was very short.

That was hardly surprising. Tucker's father was distinctly taller than him, and it only made sense that his mother would be shorter. She had clearly been in her early thirties when she had Tucker. "Oh, it's so good to see you!" she said as she hugged him. "Why is she called 'Sweet Mama' on your..." but then Mrs. Dobbs began to sing. "Sweet, Sweet Sweet Sweet Sweet/You are so Neat/Eat Shredded Wheat/because it's good for your health and full of vitamins and too much sugar is bad for you."

"You know Ben, my family has a real sense of musical ability and grace. You might even say they all have soul. Except for my mother."

"So you're Ben. Tucker has told me so much about you."

"That's nice to know."

"Yes, he told me all about your bastard daughter that was the inevitable result of your soulless womanizing. He also told you that fell deeply in love with a lifelong friend, only for her to hook up with your brother. And everybody took his side and completely ignored your feelings, because that was the right thing to do!"

Ben looked, or more accurately glared, at Tucker. "Ben, that's not _quite_ how I emphasized it," he replied sheepishly.

"But you have to remember Ben that God loves you. And because He loves you, you must accept everything that happens to you however painful or cruel that it is as just punishment for your many sins." Ben nodded, then turned around and rolled his eyes. "As for you sweet Tucker, for some reason I think you are avoiding me."

"Why would you think something silly like that?"

Tucker was extremely unconvincing when he said this. Nevertheless Mrs. Dobbs continued. "You're right dear. Now I know you are distressed by your soulless empty life. Especially sex. I know the thought of sleeping with a woman you are not married to fills with you disgust and guilt and shame. That you keep succumbing to it is a source of unending mental agony." Ben could not resist giggling, which he tried to hide with a bar napkin. "I'm sorry, I was just thinking of a funny movie."

"Oh, what was the movie?"

"Ummm." Ben drew a blank. "Yes, it was _The Revenant."_

"Isn't that the movie where Leonardo DiCaprio is nearly killed by a bear?"

"Yes. Yes it is. I have a very sick sense of humour. It's all a piece with my soulless womanizing."

"Anyway Tucker, you need a new sense of vocation. You need to leave behind your prosperous lifestyle, your loyal friends, your rewarding and fulfilling job in this beautiful and cosmopolitan city and embrace a life of toil, drudgery, sweat and constant rejection in the name of Christ! You should become a missionary!"

"Oh!"

"You probably think that being a missionary means going to faraway jungles and deserts. But I have a bold new opportunity. You are going to go to Israel, and you are going to bring in the new millennium by converting the Jews to the one true faith of Lutheranism!"

"Really!?"

"Aren't most German Protestants Lutherans?" Ben asked.

"I don't see the relevance," Mrs. Dobbs answered curtly. "Now I know that you will be successful. You know that any hesitation on your part would be like stabbing your mother in the heart. It would be like throwing me into a den of ravenous lions. I know that you are eternally grateful for everything I've done for you, and that any objection or criticism would be like boiling me in oil. I know that some people may be skeptical of the missionary organization that you will be working for. Some people may wonder why you should start their work for them by giving them all of your money. But I believe that if you have faith in Christ, you can turn all of Jerusalem Lutheran and..."

"I think this is the silliest thing I've ever heard." Ben interrupted. But then Tucker put his hand over Ben's mouth "I'll do it!"

Meanwhile, Bonnie and Emma entered the cells where Riley was being detained. "There's my future daughter in law," Bonnie squealed with fake enthusiasm.

"Mrs. Wheeler, I don't understand what's going on! I don't have a car. I've never had one! How can I have unpaid parking tickets?"

"Yeah that is a puzzler. I certainly wouldn't know. It's not like Brad has a car as part of his business, and occasionally I've used it and completely ignored basic parking regulations." Bonnie, understandably enough, said this mostly to herself. But she could not ignore Emma's skeptical eyes. So she tried to pacify her and picked her up. "Look, this is very odd. But somehow I think that your problem is going to be solved. I think you'll be very grateful to me."

"Excuse me, this is clearly a case of mistaken identity, and how could you help me with that?"

"Oh, I wasn't offering any specific help. I mean you should be grateful that I came here to commiserate with you, and if your problem magically went away, well I'm here to share with your joy, and not ask any awkward questions." Riley awkwardly lolled against the jail bars, while Bonnie sat down on a chair outside her cell. "What we were talking about before this all happened? Oh right, about your upcoming labor."

"Could we talk about something else? Or anything else?"

"OK. Oh Emma do you like Grandma's earrings? You should remember these. It's because of these you're going to have a little cousin soon."

"Yeah, great. How ironic that you should lose them for a week."

"Oh, I didn't lose them for a week. I lost them for three..." but just then a guard came in. "Here we are! We have a guard! What a lucky day!"

"What are you talking about?" the guard wondered sourly.

"You're here to release Riley from jail since all the parking tickets have been paid." Bonnie told him _sotto voce_.

"No, they haven't been"

"Maybe, you should check them again. I just paid them ten minutes ago."

"If you had paid them, I would have immediately been notified. Now listen up lady"-he was now talking to Riley, "-in a few moments you're going to see Judge Morgendorfer. Then you're going to spend two months in prison and pay a $10,000 fine."

"What!?"

"Yeah. The judge takes a really hard line on people who don't pay their parking tickets."

Riley was speechless. She was distraught. She didn't realize how Bonnie was awkward and guilty over her role in getting Riley into this fix in the first place. "God, if You could give me a small miracle and help out Riley, and without her learning anything awkward about this, I promise I'll do something for you. Something about sex. Oh wait, I'm married. I can have great sex with my husband all the time and not feel guilty at all! I know! I promise to especially nag Ben about his sex life!"

What happened next was not what either woman wanted. Riley mother's burst in. "Oh darling! I came immediately when I heard your plight. And I exactly know how it happened!"

"Uh-oh." said Emma.

 _Act 3_

"Jennifer."

"Bonnie." The two mothers glared at each other. "Why are the two of you circling around like sharks?" Riley queried.

Mrs. Perrin came over to her daughter. She didn't hug her, but she did pat her on the shoulder. "Riley, it's so..adequate to see you! So you finally found out the sex of your out of wedlock child. Oh a boy. He can be exactly like his father in every respect. Why you can be a grandmother before he turns twenty!"

Riley frowned. "I'm sorry dear. Let me rephrase this. I am actually very happy for you. I am so much happier that you are with Danny. It's so much better that you're carrying his illegitimate child than it would to be married to Ben for any length of time."

"Thank you Mom. That's exactly what I needed to hear," Riley grimaced through gritted teeth. "Look, can we have some privacy?"

The guard was not very sympathetic. Nevertheless, "You've got some luck. Apparently Judge Morgendorfer is trying some hookers right this minute, and you've got a few minutes right before she judges you just before another group of hookers. You better have a good case." He left and the two mothers smiled at each other with well practiced insincerity.

Meanwhile Ben pulled Tucker aside from Mrs. Dobbs. "Tucker, you cannot be serious about this. You can't even convince Jewish girls to sleep with you. Remember when we all had to watch a five hour documentary about Latin America because you couldn't convince that Jewish girl that _Star Wars_ was a good movie. Tucker, there is nothing wrong with your career or your sex life that cannot be solved with a little thought and effort. But doing everything your mother asks is not going to help you."

"OK, I feel guilty. By not being a lawyer, I helped inspire my dad to leave Mom. And when he had a fling with your mother, you were 100% behind her!"

"No, I wasn't!"

"Well could you pretend that you were? That way I would feel a lot less guilty."

Just then Danny came in. "I've got great news! I'm having a boy!"

"Well congratulations." Tucker replied. "I'm sure you'll be a good dad, and if you're not I'm sure you can use your money to get a good nanny. Try to get one whom Riley has no reason to feel jealous of, but which makes her paranoid anyway." Tucker paused for a moment. "Oh wait, could you get a really hot one who's interested in successful African-American professionals and isn't dogmatic about them being excessively tall?"

"Way to go with that spiritual vocation." Ben smirked.

"What's going on?" Danny wondered.

"Tucker's mother wants him to drop everything and become a missionary."

"Cool," Danny in a vaguely roguish manner.

Ben rolled his eyes and turned back to Tucker. "Look, you can't seriously follow your mother."

"Could you help? It's easier for you to challenge your mother because she doesn't love you as much as mine does me." Danny went to the back. He was picking up various snacks from a supplier when he noticed Elle. "Excuse me, I know we've never met. But do you believe in destiny?"

"Yes I do. For years I was in love with the love of my life. I knew that even while we were in relationships with other people, she would realize that I was the only man for her. It's actually a complicated story..."

Elle interrupted. "That was actually sort of a rhetorical question. You see, for six or seven months now, I keep thinking that I'm going to meet a complete stranger who's destined to be the love of my life. And recently I think that it's somebody here."

Danny was now carrying a large number of boxes. "What a coincidence. My brother for the past six or seven months has been looking for a complete stranger who's destined to be the love of his life. Oh well, it takes all kinds."

"I'm sorry. I couldn't hear you properly with the boxes in front of your face." Elle followed Danny into the office. "This may sound silly, but perhaps you could tell me about some of the regular patrons."

Danny was unpacking a box of potato chips. "Actually I don't really know my customers that well. You see I own the bar, but I'm actually a professional hockey player and for the past six months or so I've been wondering whether to move to Vancouver. Oh could you do me a favor?" He opened a small bag of potato chips. "I got these new chips, but I don't know what the customers think of them. How do they taste?"

Elle ate a couple. "They're all right." As Danny was rummaging deep in the closet Elle noticed a picture of Danny and Ben on the desk. "Who's the guy in the photo?"

"Oh, that would be me."

"Yeah, I recognized you. Who's the other guy?"

"Oh that would be Ben."

'I'm sorry I didn't catch that." Danny turned around to look at Elle and was struck at how suddenly pale she had just turned. "Is something wrong?"

"Were there nuts in that?"

"I don't know. There might have been."

"Oh no! I can't eat nuts! I have all kinds of horrible reactions to them. Sometimes I break out in violent flatulence!"

"Eeww."

"That's not going to happen right now."

"That's a relief."

"But I am going to faint." And she did exactly that.

Meanwhile, back in jail Riley was getting increasingly desperate. "Does anyone have any idea to make sure that I don't give birth in prison for a crime that I didn't actually commit?"

Bonnie visibly winced. "OK, so we have a bit of a problem. And...we need to find a way to solve it. And...I am generally concerned about you. And there...must be a way for me to help you." Mrs. Perrin smiled broadly as she watched Bonnie's discomfort. "OK. We could call Danny and he could sleep with the judge!"

"What?!" Riley yelled.

"Did I say sleep? I mean flirt. Or something even more innocuous."

"Judge Morgendorfer is a lesbian. And she hates sports." Mrs. Perrin smugly pointed out.

"OK...we'll have to find a substitute. How about you? I mean no one's going to believe _I'm_ a lesbian. My husband is so much hotter than yours."

Riley interrupted. "Mrs. Wheeler will you please be quiet? I know what happened."

"You do?"

"Of course I do. I've known all the time!"

Bonnie cringed. "Riley I'm sorry. I panicked when I overheard the man who arrested you. And I did pay the traffic fines. I don't know why that's not enough. And I'm really sorry that didn't work, but I am trying to do the right thing, and..."

"Mrs. Wheeler, that's very touching, but it was my mother's unpaid traffic fines that caused the problem."

"What?" And now it was Mrs. Perrin's turn to cringe. "Of course! They must have asked if you were Ms. Perrin when they arrested you. And Mrs. Perrin actually has a car she drives much more often than I do." Just then the guard reappeared and opened the jail. "Here you go. Turns out we mistook you for your mother and she paid all the fines."

"A-ha!" yelled Bonnie in triumph. "It was all your fault," pointing to an embarrassed Mrs. Perrin. "And I can say that I did the right thing all the time!" Riley rolled her eyes and walked away as fast as her heavily pregnant frame could.

Meanwhile back at the bar, Ben and Tucker had finalized their plans. "So we're agreed. You're going to go along with your mother's plans. Then I'm going to tactfully but firmly point out problems." They walked back to Mrs. Dobbs. "Hello mother." Tucker said in an implausible, robotic voice. "I have thought it over and I completely agree with your plans. First things first, is to give all of my money to my new bosses."

"Wait a minute, Tucker," Ben spoke in the same robotic voice. "Don't you have credit card debts? How can you pay them if..." But Tucker then abruptly broke down. "It's all a trick Sweet Mama! He's plotting against you and he's going to ruin you."

"Tucker, that wasn't the plan!"

"And he's been taking cocaine for years!"

"I have never taken cocaine!" Ben replied with justified vehemence.

"So you're the person trying to ruin my son! How do you justify yourself!?"

"Yeah, Ben. 'You're the worst best friend ever! This is all your fault!" Ben was so taken aback he was in no position to see Danny quickly carry a comatose Elle to medical practitioners right outside the bar.

"You're a contemptible person! You should be ashamed of yourself!" Mrs. Dobbs added.

"Mrs. Dobbs! How dare you say that? You don't even know me! Look, the only woman I have ever loved is about to give birth to my brother's baby in six weeks. I have spent months waiting for a special someone, but everything in my life suggests that if I ever did meet her, i would either screw it up or something horribly unlucky would ruin it. Meanwhile, my supposed best friend, who has not spent more than a couple of weeks trying to make a serious relationship work since he broke up with Vanessa is complaining about me when he is not willing to make the slightest bit of effort to help himself. And he'd rather slander me rather than confront your idiotic and ill-thought out plans because he's an abject coward!"

"I am not a coward!" and Tucker then slapped Ben.

"You only did that, because you knew I'd forgive you, while your own mother would ruin your life."

"I..I..That's not..." and then Tucker burst into tears, and wept on Ben's chest.

"Tucker dear, is this true?"

"Pretty much." Tucker whimpered.

"Well clearly my expectations of you were too high. Clearly I'll have to revise them downwards." But she hugged her son anyways.

"Ben, I am so so so so so..."

"Yeah I get it. These things happen."

"I'll get all the beer for the next month!"

"Tucker dear, you shouldn't get alcohol. I'd suggest milk, but I'm lactose intolerant. No you should get pop. Diet pop, because it's wrong to drink too much sugar."

"OK, a month's supply of diet cola. Are we cool man?"

"If you agree to watch Emma for the next four days, this never happened."

"Got it!" and Tucker left.

"He's really a good friend when he isn't forced into being a bishop."

Mrs. Dobbs nodded. Then her eyes glazed over. She turned to Ben. "Someday, she'll love you."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm sorry. Sometimes I have these dizzy spells. I don't know what I'm saying and I become so silly."

"Because you're so rational the rest of the time." Ben muttered _sotto voce_.

 _Coda_

It was early evening and Elle was on a bus talking on a cell phone. "Yeah I'm all right now Dad. The thing is that I was just on the verge of realizing something when the allergy hit. It's so frustrating." She sighed. "Yes, I actually would like a meal with you. At least it won't have nuts in it." The bus stopped, and Elle got off the exit at the back. At the front, Ben got on carrying Emma. "Time to go home Kiddo."

 **TV Guide Preview 6.08 "Elle to Pay."**

The mysterious connection between Ben and Elle finally comes to a climax. Tucker has an amazingly good day, notwithstanding Bonnie's efforts. Riley and Danny face tensions over their future.


	2. Chapter 2 608 Elle to Pay

**Elle to Pay**

 _Intro_

Riley was sitting at her kitchenette table early one morning looking even more pregnant than a woman a month from her due date should. On the table were a mass of documents. Many dealt with work at her law firm. Others dealt with the complications of her brief move to Vancouver. Still more dealt with the many forms and expenses that would come with her new baby. She took a deep breath, put her head in her hands and whimpered.

Just then Ben and Tucker entered. 'Hey Riley, how are things go..." Ben asked. "Well, clearly not that well." Riley slowly lifted her head. "I'll be all right. But there's just so much right now. And once we have the baby, it's just going to get harder. Aside from all the things about taking care of a baby, we have to arrange a wedding."

"Is there anything we can do to help?" Ben asked.

"Oh don't worry. All the times we took care of Emma, you're going to pay back in spades."

"What's Danny doing to help?"

"Well, I gave him the task of trying to find a new apartment. I mean we can have the baby sleep in our bedroom, as Emma has slept in yours for most of her life. But ultimately we're going to need a two bedroom apartment."

"It's a shame we can't keep our current arrangement." Tucker mused. "Do you know what would be even better? If Danny stayed at your place, but still paid rent for my apartment, while I could still rent out his bedroom to a third roommate."

Riley rolled her eyes at this selfish suggestion. Just then Danny burst in. "Riley, I found it! I found the perfect place for us! The rent is reasonable, and it's close to where we both work." He showed Riley the listing he found. "Isn't it wonderful baby?"

Riley grimaced. "Danny, there's just one little problem. This listing is for a brothel."

 _Title sequence_

 _Act 1_

"Are you sure? How you can tell?"

Ben looked at the ad. "Danny, this doesn't look like a residential listing. This looks like a massage parlor."

"But it looks very reasonable. And you can't assume that every massage place has something to do with prostitution. I mean in sports we meet massage therapists all the time and..."

"Danny," Tucker interrupted, "for the sake of your relationship with your unborn child, you should probably not continue that sentence."

Riley took a deep breath. "Danny, two things. First, we're not living in a massage parlor and we wouldn'tif it was run by a monastery. Second, this place is most very definitely a brothel. I know that because when prominent politicians are caught visiting it they use our law firm to defend them."

Danny felt sad. "I'm sorry. I don't have that much experience looking for apartments. Mom helped me when I became a hockey player as my manager, and the last time I got a new apartment, it was when Ben called me up and said 'Bro, I've got this three bedroom with my best friend in the city, and it'd be great for you,' and I said..."

Riley got up, and gave Danny a brief peck on the check. "Look, I've got..an insane amount of work. We don't have to worry about this immediately. Just put a little more thought into it."

Later that afternoon Ben was at the bar looking over the elaborate presentation that Tucker had set up. "Looking good Tucker."

"Thanks. I'm _extremely_ proud of myself. And you should be extremely grateful that my company is using your bar for this presentation." Just then Bonnie came in carrying Emma. "What exactly is going on here?" she asked.

"I'm _extremely_ glad you asked. Now you see the key thing in entertainment journalism is to learn what the next great thing is going to be before everyone else knows. And this presentation is going to be the next great movie. Your children, Emma, are going to be amazed that you were at the ground floor of this movie. Now before I tell you how I personally realized that this was going to happen and got everyone in my company to recognize this, try these appetizers, Mrs. Wheeler."

Bonnie put Emma down and took one of about eight breaded somethings. Her first reaction was interest, followed by clear enthusiasm. "These are delicious, Tucker! What are they? Did Ben make them?"

"Hell no! No, they're a combination of caviar and lamb, with a special set of spices. They had to be specially catered. And they're also the favorite dish of the Jennifer Lawrence of the next decade, Melissa Gonzales. And my intelligence in getting this dish is just one of the things that make this a wonderful day for me." Tucker turned to Ben. "Now ask me, how do I know that the movie we're going to be presenting/reporting is going to be the great movie of our time?"

Ben thought for a moment. "You know there are film journals that look at a lot of independent and foreign films which don't get a lot of airplay. And there's the Village Voice. I think they have a film poll. So you looked at the films they particularly liked?"

"That's a good idea, but of course not. Turns out my bosses aren't interested in movies that make less than 200 million dollars, except for the Oscars. No, as the recent election showed, there is a great untapped market that is just waiting to be explored. There is the great heartland of America that is just waiting for directors, and actors and producers and scriptwriters. Consider that big hit that I was reporting on about six months ago, 'The Heart of Kansas'? That's the kind of movie we're looking for. It's a heartwarming movie that Americans all over the country love."

Ben was skeptical. "I saw that movie. It basically had a lot of sex, but it had a lot of snide comments about people who live in New York."

"That's not entirely fair. It also had a lot of snide comments about people who live in Boston and San Francisco, as well as Madison, Wisconsin."

"So what's this movie about?"

"You know Harry Potter movies. Well, there's a clear market for movies like them that especially flatters Evangelicals. Ms. Gonzales plays a sweet all-American girl from Indiana who can tell the future. Oh speak of the devil. There she is right now. If you could hand me the appetizers Mrs. Wheeler..."

But when Tucker turned to look at Bonnie, he saw her with the last one sticking halfway out her mouth. She quickly chewed and swallowed it. "These are really good appetizers."

Tucker winced. But he did not get angry. "OK. This is not a problem. Ben, you are going to distract Melissa while I call the caterer and get some replacements." Tucker motioned Ben to the actress and called the caterer. "Elle De Palma here," the caterer said on the other end of the line in the restaurant she worked at. "You're actually very lucky. I was just making some of these. So where are you? OK, I can bring them to you in about twenty minutes."

Meanwhile Ms. Thomasina Margaret Jensen was working in Riley's law office where she was a very senior partner indeed. She was efficient, highly intelligent, somewhat overweight, and bore a striking resemblance to a long lost cousin who lived in San Francisco and worked as a housekeeper to a hi-tech millionaire. Most people called her by her middle name, and close friends called her Thomasina. Except she didn't have any close friends because she was an amoral sociopath. Just then her colleague, or more accurately, accomplice Palladino entered. "Can we talk?"

"Just a moment." She pressed a button, and there was a brief high pitched whine. "That should prevent any bugging. Now what is it?"

"Alright, I learned that both the city DA and the attorney general are getting uncomfortably close. I think we need to throw them a scapegoat."

"Who do you have in mind?"

"Perrin. We deliberately promoted her five years early for just this eventuality. She's not very popular and the other lawyers would easily believe the worst of her."

Jensen shook her head. "On paper that would be a great idea. But now that's she about to have a baby, that would bring a lot of sympathetic attention, which ruins the whole point of having a scapegoat. She's going to marry a big handsome popular hockey player with a heart of gold who's loved her all his life. It's tailor made for DON'T USE HER FOR A FRAME UP. Oh speak of the angel," she said noticing Danny going by her window.

Palladino nodded reluctantly. "If only she was still dating his brother, that loser bartender."

Riley was still very busy at work. "Danny!"

"Hi babe! I've been looking at more apartments! Well, actually I've just been looking at listings. But what do you think of this one?"

"That's in Staten Island."

"But it's so cheap!"

"Yes, because it's in Staten Island."

"What about this one?"

"Danny, that's in Connecticut. It would involve a six hour commute."

"What was wrong with the apartment Mom showed us?"

"It was a single bedroom apartment, not the double we were looking for, it was smaller than my current one, but the rent was three times higher. We're not using your mother as a realtor just so that she can get a really big cut."

Danny thought for a moment. "I've got a great idea. Let's move back to Vancouver!" Riley was stunned.

Ben at that moment was not stunned to be talking to Melissa Gonzales. For some reason he did not feel like flirting with a beautiful woman whom he knew had no reason to be interested in him. And there was something glib about her. That didn't stop Bonnie from walking up to her and shaking her hand. "I've never seen any of your other movies, or heard of you before today. But I think I'm going to be a big fan of yours." Gonzales smiled politely, while Bonnie looked at Ben tapping his fingers on the counter. "Ben, what's up with that? You keep tapping your fingers. I've seen you do that all the time since I came back to New York."

"What, oh yeah. There's a song going through my head, but I can't remember what it is."

Bonnie thought. "I know! 'Hot and Cold' by Kate Perry."

"No, it isn't."

"I know! It's 'Living on a Prayer.'"

"It's nothing like 'Living on a Prayer.' And it would be hard to forget that song even if I wanted to." Bonnie was bored and left them. "This is an interesting movie." Gonzales spoke up. "It's all about fortune telling and predicting the fortune. I've actually been working on it just to get on the spirit of it." She took Ben's right hand and looked at his palm. "For instance, you are going to meet the love of your life this evening."

Ben was skeptical. "Is there a dependent clause in that sentence?"

"Nah, it's a conveniently general talent." Just at that moment, Elle emerged from the nearest Metro station, carrying boxes of her appetizers. She approached the Bar on Broadway. Had Gonzales not been blocking her view she could have seen Ben at the bar. She was just getting close enough to see him, when suddenly, a tall man, who was muscular if not brawny nor beefy, and wearing a two day beard suddenly blocked the view.

"Elle, I can't let you leave me. I'm the only one who loves you and you are the only love of my life!"

 _Act 2_

Elle was clearly not happy to see him. "Jeff, get out of my way." This was easier said than done. While he was not actually preventing her from moving forward, he did make it more difficult in an unpleasant passive/aggressive way. It certainly prevented her from seeing Ben. "I am not going to talk to you."

"But we were so close!"

"We haven't been together for a year, and I see no reason to change that. Why you have come now after no sign for the past five months?"

"You're being too literal. Remember all the wonderful times we had together!"

"I got it! That blonde bimbo you were seeing realized what a jerk you were and dumped your ass."

She was now in the bar, but before she could get her bearings and take a look around, Tucker accosted her. "Oh good you're here. Now there's a kitchen over here."

"Wait a minute. I think I've seen you before."

"We've talked on the telephone. Now if you could make sure these appetizers are ready..."

Gonzales was still talking to Ben. "So you don't like Trump at all?"

"Not one bit. I mean for years he was just an annoying celebrity, and the more I learned about him didn't improve my view. But when he started running for president, a close friend pointed out how incredibly awful he was."

Gonzales was not impressed. "Are you saying that just because you think it will make more likely to sleep with you?"

"I wasn't thinking of sleeping with you at all."

"Are you seeing someone?"

"No, but I get the strange impression that I'm about to meet someone very special."

"Did you want to sleep with your anti-Trump friend?"

"Well I have more than one anti-Trump...why yes, how did you know?"

Gonzales smiled, and not in charming and reassuring way. "Intuition. And I also think that Trump will be a very good president for me. You think that as a recent naturalized citizen I wouldn't be?"

"Well, you raised the subject. Where are you from?"

"El Salvador. You've heard of it."

"There was a civil war decades ago."

"That's one way of putting it. A slaughter might be a more accurate one. Hundreds of thousands had to flee for their lives. My family helped them to leave." And she smiled again.

Several moments earlier, Riley was still taking to Danny. "We can't go back to Vancouver! I already told you I can't practice law there. And we used the threat of you going to get a big salary increase."

"I know. But I think maybe we need a radical shake-up in our life."

"Danny, I'm going to have a baby in less than a month. That will be more than radical enough."

"Really? Because we've been looking after Emma for years now, so it can't be that big a change."

Since Riley had been undergoing 100% of the changes involved with the pregnancy she had to resist the urge to scream. "Danny, maybe you should actually be a father for a few months before we make any more sudden changes."

"Are you patronizing me?"

"No! No! I just think...you could actually look at a few apartments before making any sudden decisions."

"I don't want to think I came all the way down here for nothing."

"No! No! I mean I don't have a lot of time. How about we talk baby names!?"

"Oh do you have any ideas?"

"How about William Brennan? Or Thurgood Marshall? They're my favorite justices on the supreme court."

"So you're choosing old boyfriends again?"

"What? No. How about Robert Raymond?"

"Is he another justice you've got the hots for?"

"Danny, Robert and Raymond are the names of our fathers."

"Oh right. How about Gretsky Lidstrom?"

"You want to name my baby after two hockey players. Of course. Umm...that's an interesting idea."

"You know what? We could name him after three hockey players! Or four!"

"Or none," Riley feebly joked. Danny did not take it well. "Oh maybe you just want to name him after another boyfriend on the Supreme Court." And he left in a huff.

Back at the bar a little later Bonnie was enjoying the cocktails. "These are really great. They're much better than what the bar usually has."

Tucker smugly agreed. "They are indeed. I'm especially fond of myself for finding them."

"Do you know what? These could use a few more olives. I'll think I'll go to the kitchen and get some." And she broadly strode towards the kitchen, and ran smack dab into Elle who was just coming out carrying some appetizers, causing them to spill on the floor. "Oops."

Tucker sighed. "Not a problem. Ms. De Palma are they any more appetizers in the kitchen? And do you have the means to make more of them?"

"Yes to both."

"Good. Then go back and make some more. Mrs. Wheeler, you go help while finding someone to take care of this mess." Both women left, just in time for Ben to come up to Tucker. "Ben, you're supposed to be chatting up Ms. Gonzales."

"Tucker, do you know she's a sociopath?"

"Lots of people in Hollywood are sociopaths. But they're still wonderful people. And take your mother for instance. She can be extremely irritating."

"Ms. Gonzales just openly boasted that her uncle helped murder an archbishop."

Tucker was silent for just a moment. "OK. That's a bit much. Do you know what Ben? You should go back and see if you can find out any more disturbing things. I mean there's no point in finding them out because nobody knows who she is. But in ten years it'll be great stuff that'll damage her when her star has waned. Maybe in seven years." Something in Ben's look made him pause. "What? Is she standing right behind me?"

"No, but my mother is, and she's not a fan of you stabbing women in the back."

Tucker turned and smiled as unctuously and insincerely as he could. "Mrs. Wheeler." Bonnie spun on her heel and walked away and Tucker followed her. Just then Jeff came up to Ben. "Excuse me, I'm looking for a young woman who came in earlier. It's really important. You see I'm deeply in love with her. Can you understand that?"

"I actually can."

"Is it somebody you failed to get, or someone you're looking for?"

"Actually both."

"I can dig that. About the girl you lost? Was it because she was unreasonable?"

"A bit, now that you mention it."

"Same with me. And just because I thought she could make a living as an escort."

"Yeah...wait what?"

As it happened Bonnie went back to help Elle with the appetizers. "You know I did see you before. I saw you a few months ago."

Elle was quickly putting the finishing touches on the appetizers. "You did indeed."

"Did you find that guy you were looking for?"

"No," Elle said as she picked up the advertisers. "Wait a minute. I've been at this bar before! I was here two weeks ago. And there's something else..." Elle tried to think what she was trying to remember from that encounter as she left the kitchen. She put the tray of appetizers down. But before she could see Ben she heard Jeff's voice. "Have you ever thought of having your girlfriend as a stripper?"

"You mean pretending to be a stripper? Sure."

"No, actually making a living an an exotic dancer. Who takes all of her clothes off."

"Again...what?"

Elle quickly ducked down, and snuck back to the kitchen. Just then Gonzales came up. "Oh my appetizers! They're here at last."

Ben introduced Jeff to her. "I think the two of you have a lot in common." A few minutes later Ben was working when Danny tapped him on the shoulder. "Can I talk to you? In private?" They went to their office, but before Danny could say anything he was surprised to find an elaborate forestry model, full of elaborate lighting and other potential special effects. "What's this?"

"This," Tucker appeared very helpfully to explain, "is the centerpiece of today's entertainment story. It has all kinds of elaborate special effects. It's very clever." Just then Tucker noticed Bonnie behind her. "You like it too? Well you can watch it all you want. Just don't touch it." The three men went outside to have a little privacy. "I'm having an argument with Riley. I think there's something wrong. Today we were discussing baby names. She wanted to name our son after some old boyfriend who was on the Supreme Court: William Brennan."

"Danny," Tucker gently pointed out, "William Brennan has been dead for twenty years. So I think whatever feelings she had for him, they've pretty much died down."

"Oh. But it's such a weird name. Brennan. Brennan. Brennan! And she also suggested Thurgood Marshall. That's Tucker's middle name! People will think he's the father!"

Ben took one look at his brother and his much shorter black friend standing right beside him. "No. No they won't."

Just then Bonnie appeared behind Tucker. "You told me not to touch that exhibit. Well, I sort of did." They all rushed back to their office and found the special effects exhibit, the showpiece of Tucker's career, in flames.

 _Act 3_

Tucker was unusually calm. "It's on fire. You know, I would prefer it if things weren't on fire. That would be much more convenient."

"What are we gonna do?!" Danny wondered.

"Mrs. Wheeler, does this bar have a fire extinguisher?"

"Yes."

"Do you know how to use it?"

"Yes."

"THEN PUT THE FIRE OUT!" Tucker took out his cell phone. "Ben, I'm going to assume you know more about electronics than Danny. So I'm going to call the genius who came up with this contraption, and you are going to follow his advice to the letter about how to repair it." Meanwhile Bonnie put out the fire.

An hour later, not only was the exhibit as good as new, but it was in its proper place in the bar. Everything was being set up and the bar was filled with special guests. Tucker was justifiably pleased. "Now, all we have to do is have Miss Gonzales officially appear and we can start this."

Ben nodded. "Tucker, this seems less like an example of entertainment journalism that of entertainment promotion."

"Don't be so cynical. It's just as much work and this way powerful people won't hate me. And thanks to cocktails your mother is slightly less irritating and won't cause any more problems." This was, as it happens, an incorrect assumption. Legally, Bonnie wasn't drunk. Still it would be wise for her not to drive. And when she put her hand down, it landed, not on the table per se, but on the tray carrying some appetizers, which was jutting over the table. So Bonnie fell to the ground, and the tray flipped over, flinging appetizers in the air. This caused people to flinch, fall backward, and stumble into the entire movie presentation. This led to further acts of chaos, like a Rube Goldberg mechanism of devastation, only all too effective and even more destructive.

Everyone looked at the results in stunned silence. Then Tucker took a very deep breath and strode deliberately to the office. "Excuse me please." Ben followed him. "What are you doing?"

"I am going to your office." Tucker's voice was still outwardly calm. "Once there, I am going to scream very loudly. Then at some point I will stop screaming and then curl into a small ball. I will then whimper and cry for an undetermined amount of time." Tucker sighed. "Do you know the worst thing about this? Your mother wasn't being especially selfish. She wasn't being malicious. She was just being...Dannyish. And thanks to her, I no longer have a life."

Tucker opened the office doors and saw Jeff and Melissa Gonzales making out. He tactfully shut the door, turned away, and thought for a few seconds. Then he strode back to the ruins of the presentation. "It turns out we have fifteen minutes. At least. So if you all follow my instructions and do exactly what I say, we can get right back on track!"

Everybody quickly obeyed Tucker. While he was moving things around Danny noticed Elle. "Hey I remember you! You were here a couple of weeks ago!"

"And I remember you! Just before something happened that made me lose my memory! That's incredibly awkward."

A few hours later the presentation was over. Ben was sitting on a stool drinking a bottle of beer. Emma happily pranced up to her father. "Now, that I've had a nap I can stay up as long as I want!"

Ben shook his head. "That's not how it works." Emma pouted and walked to a table, where she awkwardly got onto a chair. Just then Riley awkwardly sat down on the stool next to Ben. "Riley!" he said as he put the bottle down.

"Do you know where Danny is?"

"Well, either he's doing the last of the clean-up. Or he's having a late dinner."

Riley sighed. "Ben, why am I such a horrible person?"

Ben turned fully to face her. "I don't think you're a horrible person."

"Really? Thanks. But why can't I appreciate Danny more? He's been doing so much for me and the baby and I'm not being fair to him. I mean I couldn't hide my frustration over searching for a new apartment, and we couldn't agree with baby names."

"I'm not quite sure what the problem is. He's not doing you a favor, you are after all about to have his child."

"I don't need you to take my side."

Ben thought about the problem. "Look, so you have problems getting on the same page. But it's not what Danny thinks or says that matters. It's that he's always been there for you however you've been. That's what really matters. That's why you chose him in the end."

"Do you really mean that?"

"Of course I do. Everybody will tell you that. Look having a baby isn't easy, and there's going to be difficulties. But things will be easier for the two of you than they were for me. Having lots more money-big advantage. And you have an eleven months heads up. And you don't have to worry about finding a good father for your son, because he's always been there for you. It's not like the perfect stepmother for Emma who at this moment is a complete stranger. I'll be lucky to get half of what the two of you have."

Riley nodded and gave Ben a hug. "You're a good brother and a good friend." She got off the bar with her purse. Just then Danny entered. He walked over and gave her a longer, warmer hug, which she returned. "I'm sorry for being short with you earlier," Riley said.

"And I was silly for being jealous of some dead guy. We should be able to think of a great name for our boy."

"What do you have in mind?"

"Gretzsky Overchkin Yzeman Coffey Wheeler!"

Riley hesitated for the briefest of seconds. "Yes! Absolutely!"

They hugged again. "I don't want to interrupt you Danny," Ben said, "but have you arranged tomorrow's roster?"

"Oh, no I forgot!"

"Never mind, I'll go check it out." And Ben went off to the office. Just as he was out of sight Elle returned. "Excuse me. I think I left some spices behind. At least I hope I did. It would be just like Jeff to steal them."

Riley moved closer to her. "Maybe I can help you with them."

Just then Ben came back. "Riley, this is odd. Do you know what happened to the beer I was just drinking?" And then Ben and Elle saw each other for the first time in months. There was a silence as the two approached each other. Riley recognized something very important was about to happen. For a moment Ben and Elle couldn't believe this was happening. Then they embraced and gave each other a deep kiss.

"Yay!" Riley shouted, and gave a little hop for joy.

After the kiss went longer than expected, but just before it was awkward, the two broke it off. Ben had a little trouble composing himself. "Hi. Umm, hi again. My name is Ben Wheeler, and I'm in charge of this bar."

"Hello. I'm Elle De Palma. And I'm a chef and I made many of the appetizers for the presentation today."

Ben pointed to Emma, who was sitting at the table. "That little girl over there is my daughter Emma. She is the most precious thing to me in the whole world." Emma smiled and waved. "Her mother dropped her off when she was three months old. When Emma was three months old, not her mother. Her mother is not in the picture." Ben swallowed again and looked around. "Oh, this is Riley. She's my future sister-in-law. I should tell you we dated but it ended because everyone thought my brother was better for her."

"Hi!" said Riley in a charmingly awkward way.

"And that's my brother over there. And he actually owns the bar. And I realize that's a lot of baggage to lay out in the first sixty seconds."

"Well, I should add point out there are a lot of nude photos of me on the internet, because one of my former boyfriends is a real creep."

"Yeah, I think I may have met him." Ben composed himself. "Let's try this again." He shook Elle's hand. "Hello, I'm very pleased to meet you."

"Right back at you."

 _Coda_

Tucker was talking to Danny outside. "So actually the presentation went very well. Everybody was very impressed by it, and I even got a mention in _The Times._ I managed to get through everything despite your mother's best efforts. Oh speak of the devil." Bonnie was sitting at a cafe, and Tucker quickly avoided her while Danny sat down beside her.

"I've heard that the two of you have decided upon a name. And I just want to tell you that Robert Raymond Wheeler is a great name..."

"That isn't the name we..."

"And not only is that a great name, I really respect you for remembering your father."

"Really? But you hate Dad."

"No, I hated the way our marriage ended. The whole preferring sex with men was obviously going to rub me the wrong way. But even though I clearly have played the larger role in your life, it's right that you respect your father. He worked very hard so that you could have a great home and a secure childhood."

"You know I haven't thought about it much, but you're right."

"Many people look down on your father. People like Jennifer Perrin for example. But you should be proud of your father!"

"I am!"

"And don't let Riley talk you into choosing some other name."

"I won't! And you're going to be a great grandma to little R and R!"

"Maybe you could think of another nickname."

"How about R2D2, because he has two names beginning with R..."

"Maybe you could wait until your son is actually born before thinking up nicknames."

"Thanks a lot, Mom." Danny kissed her and went on his way. After he left Bonnie made a call on her cell phone. "He bought it."

"Thank you Mrs. Wheeler," said Riley at work. "That's certainly the best twenty bucks I ever spent."

 **T.V. Guide Preview 6.09 "The Skype Who Loved Me."**

Bonnie feels tensions within her marriage, so she forces everyone to help her throw a cocktail party. Danny and Riley meet a priest as part of preparations for their marriage. An odd medical problem complicates Ben and Elle's new relationship.

 **T.V. Guide Preview 6.10 "Baby Daddy 2.0"**

In the mid-season finale, Riley goes into labor and Danny has to race across the country to be with her. Tucker's mother has an important message to deliver. Ben and Bonnie face several surprises.


	3. Chapter 3 609 The Skype Who Loved Me

**The Skype Who Loved Me**

 _Intro_

Bonnie was talking to her husband on Skype. "It's such a shame that you're away on business doing...whatever it is you actually do, but which makes you a large amount of money."

"I know, Bon-Bon. And I miss being apart from you. The good news is that I'll be back tomorrow. And then we can have a special evening together."

"And I'm just counting the hours," and she signed off. Bonnie then turned to her sister-in-law Glad (short for Gladys), who was a year older than her twin brothers, and who was carrying her own baby son, just under a year old. "Do you know what I most admire about you Bonnie?"

"Oh, there are so many possibilities, but please tell me."

"What I like most about you is your confidence."

"So that the first thing you're going with," Bonnie replied more to herself.

"When you married my brother, you not only managed to catch a much wealthier man sixteen years younger than yourself, but you expect to keep him."

"Yes I do, wait...what?"

"I mean you're going to be sixty when Brad is only in his mid-forties. You expect to grow old together, when clearly together is not the operative word."

"Uh huh..."

"Bonnie, do you know what I would do in your situation? I would get pregnant as soon as possible. A marriage can fade in so many ways. But the Walker men would never abandon their children."

"Well thank you for your completely unsolicited advice." Gladys got up and put her son in her baby carriage. "We'll have to see each other again soon dear sister in law." Bonnie smiled broadly as she escorted the two out of her apartment. She closed the door and then grimaced in pure terror.

 _Intro Music_

 _Act 1_

Riley was at the bar, surrounded by a lot of law work, while Skyping with Danny on her laptop. "This is so great baby!" he enthused. "Even though I'm playing hockey all around the country, I can still connect with you anytime I want!"

Riley nodded. "Just ten more days on the road, and then you're back for the week that the baby arrives."

"I know! But even though we're apart with this Skype thing we can do all sorts of things together. Oh, we could go to a movie together!"

"Umm, I'm not sure the theater would like me to bring in a laptop. It could serve as a recording device. And also I have a lot of work to do before my maternity leave starts."

"Oh, I know! You could tell me about your favorite erotic fantasies, and I could search it for you on the internet!"

"Actually Danny, it might be best if we had as little porn on the internet as possible at least until after tomorrow."

"Why? What happens tomorrow?"

"We're going to see Father Gallagher about arranging our wedding. And since you're going to be on the other side of the continent playing a hockey game, you're actually being there by Skype. And the less hard core sex on the computer involved the better."

"Oh. That makes sense. I wish I could do something for you tonight, since tomorrow night I'll be playing hockey and it would be very difficult for me to Skype. So don't work too hard, my little Cinderella." Danny signed off, and Riley closed the laptop. "What I wouldn't give for a fairy tale that after the happy ending discussed the next twenty years of marriage."

Just then Tucker entered the bar. "Hey Riley, are you making any progress in finding a new apartment..." But before he could go any further Bonnie interrupted in a loud voice "I'M DOOMED!"

Tucker took a close look as Bonnie approached them. "OK, you're panicking. That's a new look."

"What's the problem Mrs. Wheeler?" Riley asked.

"It's Brad. Well arguably it's his sister. But conceivably it's Brad himself!"

"OK, you're being less coherent than usual..." Tucker noted.

"I mean his sister raised the issue. What if Brad leaves me because I'm so much older than him? And what if the only way to keep him is to have a child? Which I really don't want to do. And also do you have any idea of how hard it would be to have a baby when I'm 45?"

"I imagine it would be extremely difficult. Especially since you're actually 46."

Bonnie pinched Tucker very hard, and he grimaced in pain. "Mrs. Wheeler," Riley asked, "Has Brad said anything to you about wanting a child since you both returned to New York?"

"Well not so much. Although a lot of the time I just tune out what he says."

"Mrs. Wheeler, I have an idea," Tucker suggested. "Since in a couple of weeks you're having a brand new grandchild, you can have Brad try any paternal instincts on Robert Raymond Wheeler. And since he'll probably be very bad at it, he'll drop the idea. Perfect solution."

Riley objected. "Umm, I'd rather not use my only child as a guinea pig to test the parenting talents of a glorified nincompoop. No offense, Mrs. Wheeler."

"And how is Brad any different from Danny?" Tucker replied.

"There's all kind of differences. Very big differences. Very obvious differences."

"Yeah, like 10 IQ points."

Riley counterattacked. "Danny's had more than seven months to know about my child. He actually loves Robert Raymond Wheeler. He is the kindest, sweetest man alive and..."

"I'VE GOT IT!" Bonnie shouted. "I'll hold a cocktail party!"

Tucker and Riley were surprised. "OK, that's a complete non-sequitur." Tucker pointed out.

"No, it's a brilliant idea! I show Brad that I'm the intelligent, witty and sensational, the life of any party, and then he'll realize how awesome I am! And you, Tucker, are going to help me."

"Oh, am I?"

"I need someone who's university educated to polish off a few of the rough edges and make me the culturally literate woman I am."

"Riley's university educated too. Why can't she help?"

"Oh please, I'm not taking tips from Riley." Bonnie took Tucker aside. "But you can help me. You're an entertainment journalist. I'm a quick learner!"

"So basically we're playing _My Fair Lady_. Only I don't want to, I don't have to, and you're an incredibly stubborn woman who has never had the concentration to learn things."

"But it'll be fun. Consider it the most fun you've had in weeks. And I'll lie shamelessly to the women who are there that you're actually worth dating."

Tucker sighed. "If I had an actual social life, I would so not be doing this..."

Later that afternoon, almost evening in fact, Ben and Elle approached the bar. They kissed each other, and then Elle waved goodbye. "See you tomorrow."

Ben noticed Riley having the tail end of a conversation on her cell phone. "Thank you, that's good to know. I'll have to arrange another meeting."

"Something wrong?"

"Oh just more medical stuff. Basically me and the baby are fine, but somebody lost a couple of samples and I have to go back and do some more tests." Riley brightened up. "So you and Elle are quite the couple! It's been two weeks now, and you must have consummated your affair. I can't imagine you waiting any longer." Ben glared at Riley. "Oh right. Sorry."

"Look, I want to be with Elle. And I want to be...intimate with Elle. I mean I haven't been with anyone since I broke up with Sam. And it turns out Elle hasn't been with anyone for months either. But there's been a bit of a problem...You see, I want to have a great romantic dinner before we get...really romantic. And so a few days ago we were at this great Indian place..."

And indeed they were, and Ben was even wearing a tie to look good. "Now you're absolutely sure there are no nuts in this curry?" Elle asked.

"Absolutely," said the Maitre'D, who went to help other customers.

"OK, let me see if I've got this straight," Ben said. "Your favorite flowers are lilacs."

"Correct!"

"Your favorite color is red, with green borders."

"Correct as well."

"And your favorite food is some kind of linguini with scallops. No, veal! And it's a special recipe from some place in Italy. Napoli? Apelessly? Azaelia?"

"Apulia. Close enough."

"And your favorite movie...oh what was it again? You mentioned two movies about cooking. One was called 'Big Night,' and the other was this foreign film called 'Babette's Feast.' Which one was it again?"

"Neither. I was just messing with you. My actual favorite movie is 'The Wizard of Oz.' You see, I'm not that interesting a person." But Ben had stopped eating and was now staring at Elle. "Ben, what's wrong?"

"Your face! It's beet red!"

"Oh, not again!"

The Maitre'D passed by. "Oh, so there are nuts in that. Who'd had thought?"

Back at the bar Riley took this in. "So you want to have a romantic meal. But Elle's allergy to nuts keeps ruining that. Well since she's a chef, why can't she cook the meal herself?"

"We thought about that." And yesterday evening Elle turned up in Ben's apartment with a lovely home cooked meal, a wonderful pasta dish. They sat down and when Elle took the first bite, she instantly fell face down into the spaghetti fast asleep.

Riley winced. "Please don't give up."

"I'm not going to. I don't want to screw this up. So we're on for tomorrow with the church?"

Riley nodded and Ben left. "And if a double-decker bus crashes into us..." she muttered to herself.

Tomorrow Tucker met Bonnie at the bar. "OK, let's go over some of the teaching I gave you last night. First question, what's the difference between 'The New York Review of Books,' and 'The New York Times Book Review?'"

"No idea."

"Umm, what about the difference between the Tonys and the Obies?"

"Ooh, I knew this great guy named Tony. He was wonderful. And he could do something wonderful with linguini." Bonnie leered broadly.

"OK, I'm going to assume there's some crude sexual insinuation there, though how I don't know. Or care. Mrs. Wheeler, can you name three novels that won the Pulitzer prize for fiction?"

"No. I've been so busy inviting people and actually getting the drinks and arranging the food, I completely blew off the questions you gave me."

"Then why am I here, if you're not going to do the work?"

"Oh don't be so self-righteous Tucker. You and Riley blow off work all the time. At least Riley did until a couple of years ago, the skinny little buzzkiler. Look if we just concentrate this afternoon, I can pull it off before Brad arrives at six. There just don't have to be any interruptions."

"Tucker?" asked a low, incongruously sultry voice from a short plump black woman.

"We just got interrupted," Tucker winced looking at his mother.

 _Act 2_

"You must be Mrs. Wheeler," Mrs. Dobbs said as she approached the two.

"So that's your mother. I don't think we've ever met." A thought occurred to her. "Do you think she's angry with me for sleeping with your dad before their divorce?"

"Mrs. Wheeler, she's still angry at her sister because she took the last piece of wedding cake at her marriage nearly three decades ago. Take a wild guess."

Mrs. Dobbs sat down by Tucker. "What brings to see you me for the second time this year?"

"Tucker, I feel compelled to tell you that you don't seem to appreciate how precious life is. You never know when one day your life can just abruptly end. And it's time like this that I need to remind you of the 27 key tenets of Luther."

"Oh, I know this great guy named Luther. He was a carpenter and he could do wonderful things with..." Tucker kicked her under the table to shut her up. Bonnie smiled sweetly, and then kicked Tucker's entire chair over. "Oopsy."

At the same time Riley was meeting Ben and Elle near the church, carrying her briefcase from her presence in court. Ben was carrying Emma on her shoulders, but put her down when they reached Riley. "Thanks for coming. I mean this is a bit awkward, coming to the church eight and a half months pregnant and very unmarried. But Father Gallagher is an understanding person. I suppose I didn't really need you for the moral support."

"No problem," Elle said. "It's a good opportunity for us to know each other better." The four of them entered, but then Riley almost gasped, as she grabbed Ben by the arm. "Ben, I need you more than I've ever needed anyone! Please don't leave me!"

"What's the matter?"

"That isn't Father Gallagher. That's Father De Maistre. I remember him occasionally bumping into our parish. He made me horribly guilty about sex when I was a fat seven year old girl."

"Maybe he's mellowed." said Elle.

"No, I haven't." the priest replied. "If you could enter that room there." He spoke to Emma: "There are some children's books in that cupboard by the corner. Please sit there and don't interrupt us." Emma did as she was told. "Wow, she obeys you easily." Ben said.

"Please sit down," as if he was about to fire them. They sat in a row, Elle, Ben and Riley from right to left. "You're probably wondering where Father Gallagher is."

"Umm, yes." said Riley.

"Well you can either delay your marriage for six months, or you can follow all my instructions closely and completely." De Maistre peered at Ben. "You were going to make a 'Spotlight' joke."

"Uh, no I wasn't."

"Are you sure? It seemed like you were."

"No, I wasn't."

"Try one. I dare you."

"Uh, no thanks."

"Smart boy. Now Miss Perrin you and your fiancée here wish to have a Catholic ceremony."

"Uh, there's a slight misunderstanding." Ben said. "I'm Ben, the fiancée's brother. We're not a couple."

"I was told the fiancée was going to be here."

"Oh he is." Riley explained. She opened her briefcase, and took out the laptop. "Hi there!" Danny said on the Skype.

Back at the bar Tucker had gotten back on his chair. "Actually Mom, I was kind of busy. I have to help Mrs. Wheeler set up a cocktail party."

"You'd rather do that than talk to your mother?"

Tucker thought about this. "As strange as it sounds, yes I do." Bonnie decided that now would be a good time to interrupt. "Look Mrs. Dobbs, so you're angry with me for hooking up with your ex-husband."

"He wasn't my ex-husband when that happened."

"Well yeah. But from what Tucker told me your marriage was already dead. Everybody says you're an extremely boring person and nobody likes you." Tucker banged his head on the table. "But look, we can work together! You could help me with my cocktail party!"

"I have not taken an alcoholic drink since I was 23."

"You could tell me about movies."

"I don't particularly care for movies."

"What do you care about?"

"Christian soteriology."

"Wow, you really are a killjoy."

"Excuse me Mom, but I just received a text from work. I have to check this." Tucker got up, walked outside the bar's entrance, took out his cell phone and started dialing. When he was sure that neither Bonnie nor his mother could see him, he quickly dashed away.

Back at the church Father De Maistre was interrogating Riley. "You are aware that premarital sex is a sin."

"Yes, yes I am."

"It's also a sin to conceive a child outside of marriage."

"I'm well aware of that."

"You don't seem to be aware that it's also a sin to give birth to a child outside of marriage."

"Umm, I am aware of that. It just would be really awkward to have a wedding when I was visibly pregnant."

"One might think that awkwardness and shame were a legitimate price to pay to avoid sin. And when I say one might think, I mean you should think that."

"Why is Riley getting married in a Catholic ceremony?" Elle whispered to Ben.

"Riley's dad is Catholic, and he's paying for the wedding."

Danny spoke up. "Look, the only reason Riley got pregnant is because the condom was punctured."

"You are aware," De Maistre reminded Riley, "that all forms of artificial contraception are a sin in the eyes of the church."

"But I was the one wearing the condom. So it isn't Riley's fault."

"Was your congress contingent on your using contraception?"

"What?"

"Would Riley have slept with you if you didn't use condoms?" Ben explained.

"Are you kidding? Of course not!"

"Thank you Mr. Wheeler."

"Excuse me, why are you so insistent on the point? I though the church was more liberal."

"Liberal in what sense, Mr. Wheeler?"

"I heard the Catholic Church allowed homosexual priests."

"No, they don't."

"The Catholic Church is the one that allows women priests?"

"I think you are confusing them with almost every other denomination." Elle pointed out.

"Catholics are the one that wear the funny hats?"

"Define what you mean by 'funny.'" De Maistre icily requested.

"They're like beanies. And they have this symbol. It's like a triangle, only one is on top of each other. Like they're having sex."

"Are you thinking of a Star of David, Mr. Wheeler?" And he showed Danny a book with one on the cover.

"Yeah, that's it."

"You're thinking of Jews Mr. Wheeler."

"They're pretty close to Catholics right?"

"Actually, not for two millennia. It's odd that someone could live in Manhattan and not realize the difference."

"Well actually we all come from New Jersey," Riley offered, smiling awkwardly.

Ben spoke up. "Look, I know you people have a high value on chastity, and clearly Danny and Riley have fallen a little short."

"What a charmingly euphemistic way to put it." De Maistre said with clear contempt.

"But look, these two people are the most loving couple I know."

"And you would know, wouldn't you?"

"They've known each other all their lives. They're the closest of friends, and Danny's loved her for more than twenty years."

"Very direct of you. I'm struck Mr. Wheeler, by your brother mentioning your love for Miss Perrin. What about Miss Perrin's love for you?"

"Well she only realized she loved me a few months before we made our son."

"Really? Why don't you tell us more about your relationship?" He glared at Riley and Ben. "Neither of you help him" he whispered.

Back at the bar Mrs. Dobbs and Bonnie were arguing. "And that's why your view that homosexuality is a personal choice is wrong!" Bonnie declared.

"That's very interesting. For an ill-informed housewife who never graduated high school you can be very articulate when you need to be."

"So you think I'm right?"

"Of course not."

"But I'm actually capable of conducting reasoned arguments. So if I just double down and look through all the notes your son gave me, I can successfully pretend to be cultured and literate."

"Of course if you really worked on it, you could actually be cultured and literate. Wait. I just realized something."

"You mean that your son ditched us? Yeah I realized that some time ago." Just then Bonnie's phone made a noise. She picked it up. "My husband just texted me. He's not going to be home until nine."

"So that ends your cocktail party."

Bonnie thought for a few seconds. "No! I am not going to let this stop me! I don't care if the party starts at nine o'clock. I am going to make sure that everybody I invited comes. And I am going to make sure that I am the wittiest, most clever and most charming person!" Bonnie got up, and started looking up the internet. "Greatest living American poets in alphabetical order. First name is John Ashbery. Oh, Bob Dylan is on the list. I can listen to him in the background."

"Mrs. Wheeler," Mrs. Dobbs called out to Bonnie. "Your enthusiasm inspires me. I'm going to go out and so something great today as well!"

"You're going to get laid?"

"What? No! I'm going to go a library branch, read that volume of 'The Institutes of Christian Theology' that I've never gotten around too, and then find Tucker and spend the evening talking to him about it!"

Back at the church everyone was listening to Danny. "Mr. Wheeler," Father De Maistre, "while having you talk about your past relationships was informative, it did not have to be as R-Rated as you made it." Riley was hiding her blushing face. "I am struck by your confidence, how despite everything that has happened you believe that you and your fiancée are destined to be together. I can see why many people find it an engaging quality."

"Thank you!"

"It's rare to find people as ingenuous as you nowadays." Father De Maistre looked at the three young people in front of him. "I believe I've seen you before," looking at Elle.

"Umm, I don't think we have."

"You're Elle de Palma. About a decade ago I taught physics at a parochial high school. You were a student there. And not a very good one."

Now it was Elle's turn to blush. "I think I'll go take Emma for a walk. It's not easy for a small child to sit quietly here." She picked Emma up. As she did so Father De Maistre turned to Ben, "So I take it that you had your daughter out of wedlock. You haven't been as lucky as your brother."

Elle was curious. "How actually did you know that? We never actually said it."

"Very perceptive of you Miss De Palma. But I'm more perceptive. The physical resemblances are many. Most striking are the little specks of yellow in both you and your daughter's iris."

"Uh, this isn't about my daughter. This is about my brother and Riley."

"Of course. Miss Perrin, everyone thinks you're very lucky to have Daniel Wheeler. I see no reason to challenge that assessment. One expects certain sacrifices before a wedding. There's the obvious one, which you can discuss later with Mr. Wheeler when your child is born. Under the circumstances you should volunteer further sacrifices. Once you do so I can suggest further sacrifices." He handed Riley a card. "Please write your contact information on the back. I am going to go to another room and get some materials which I expect that you will read Miss Perrin, along with a list of penances."

De Maistre left the room. The others looked at each other awkwardly. "That went well," Danny said cheerfully on Skype.

 _Act 3_

It was later that evening. Ben was working at the bar, while Riley was sitting at a table, looking at her documents from her law firm as well as the literature from the church. She was still Skyping with Danny just before he started his hockey game. "I saw that movie you suggested 'Carol.' It was kind of interesting, but also weird. Were Cate Blanchett and Rooney Mara supposed to be lesbians?"

"Wasn't that clear?"

"Well they seemed to becoming more intimate. But then I nodded off for a few minutes and when I woke up some guy was being attacked by a bear. The strange thing is that he looked just like Leonardo DiCaprio, but I looked up the credits and he's not in the movie at all."

Riley suppressed a sigh. Just then Ben came over. "Hey can I talk to him?"

"Help yourself." And Riley got up to see Elle and Emma coming in. "How was dinner Emma?"

"We had fruit!" Emma answered enthusiastically.

"There are some toys in the office. Why don't you look at them while I talk to Elle?" Emma happily scooted off.

"Can I ask you something?" Elle asked.

"Of course."

"Do you trust Ben?"

"What? Of course I do. Why do you ask?"

"Can be I frank with you? I want to take things to the next level with Ben. _Really_ want to do this. But there's something holding me back."

"Yeah, Ben can be really tactless about sex. We all have our flaws."

"Actually that hasn't really been a problem. Not as big as me falling asleep or turning red or suffering from a panic attack of vertigo. But waiting a little longer has made me think about you. The two of you dated, broke up, and tried dating again. And then you chose his brother. And everybody thought that was the right thing to happen. And I was thinking, if everybody thinks Ben's not good enough for you, why would he good enough for me?"

Riley bit her lip. "You shouldn't think that about him. He's become much more mature in the last nine months, when for much of it he had to run the bar all by himself."

"Oh, I agree," said Tucker, who just entered followed by his mother. "You can tell he's more mature because he's much more dull and no longer has a sense of humor."

Tucker tried to shake off the past few hours. "Incidentally Riley, you're going to need a more reliable form of contraception. Might I suggest my mother? Nothing like spending five hours having her lecture me about innate depravity and Saint Augustine."

"Sounds grisly," Elle said.

"Well, at least I didn't have to spend the day being badgered by Mrs. Wheeler." Just then Tucker's cell phone rang. "Hello?" Bonnie was on the other side. "Tucker, I need you to help me put the finishing touches on my cocktail party."

"But it's nearly nine o'clock!"

"That won't be a problem, if you can convince my guests it's not going to be a problem." Tucker was too exhausted to argue, and left the bar to help. Mrs. Dobbs took a look at Riley and Elle. "Do you know what one of the more disappointing things about being black in this country is?"

"Uh, I really don't know how to answer that question," Elle replied.

"It's that even though we're devout Protestants, we never get any credit for that when we're compared to Catholics like the two of you. And even though we're still devout Protestants, we still don't get any credit it when Catholics like you basically ignore church teaching and indulge in shameless premarital sex.

"Well that's one way to put it." Riley nodded. "I'd have gone with systematic housing segregation, but whatever floats your boat."

Mrs. Dobbs went to a washroom to freshen up. "What about Ben?" Elle said returning to their interrupted conversation.

"Look, it's not a matter of Ben not being good enough. It's more like Danny being better. You know I was really fat as a kid. And Danny was in love with me even then."

"And what was Danny like? Was he short and unattractive?"

"No, he's always been tall and athletic."

"Uh-huh. I think I'll go check up on Emma," and Elle went to the office. "He doesn't seem like the kind of guy who would have trouble picking up women." she said to herself.

Meanwhile Danny was wrapping up his conversation just before the game started. "I really hope that things work out with you and Elle. I mean I always loved Riley, but before Emma, I never made the effort to get her. In a way, if you hadn't tried so hard to get Riley, neither of us would have focused enough to be with each other. So you deserve some good luck, little brother." Danny signed off on his side.

Ben nodded. "Well I can only hope so." He turned to the main waitress. "OK, you're in charge while I put Emma to bed. Riley have you seen Elle?"

"Oh there she is." Elle came from the office with a happy Emma. "Are we going to see Elle again?"

"I certainly hope so."

"I like her! She's nice! And fun!"

Ben picked her up and kissed her. "Well as long as you like her, she'll be with us for a long time to come."

Elle smiled. "Say, Ben, since we've been having our dates being ruined by my allergy, I was thinking that we could well...you know...just skip the date. And spend the night together. Starting tonight."

Ben was startled. "Umm, yeah that's a great idea. I'm totally on..." Just then, Ben's cell rang. Ben put Emma down so that he could answer it. "Hello?"

It was Bonnie. "Ben, do you know what's wrong with Riley's phone?"

"Riley, what's wrong with your phone?"

Riley took it out of her purse. "Oh, I need to recharge it."

"Oh, and Danny just texted me that a rogue puck just hurt the camera he needs to Skype."

"Yeah, yeah," Bonnie said impatiently. "Look, I've managed to set up a great cocktail party for Brad, and I need every warm body I can get."

"But it's nine o'clock at night! Emma should have been in bed an hour ago."

"Look, a little more time isn't going to hurt her. And bring Elle along."

Ben turned to Elle. "Well, that was my mother. She wants us to spend this evening at this party. We may have to take a rain check on this evening." He picked up Emma again.

"Don't worry about that. You go ahead with Riley. I'll just get a few things and be along shortly."

As Elle looked through her purse and checked the messages on her phone she noticed Mrs. Dobbs. "You're Tucker's mother? Are you going to Mrs. Wheeler's cocktail party?"

"Certainly not." Just then Mrs. Dobbs seemed to stare into space. "You think he doesn't love you. But he will love you because he can't have the one he really wants. But it doesn't matter, because you won't be there for him." She then returned to her normal judgmental self. "Good evening Miss de Palma," leaving an uncomfortable Elle behind.

 _Coda_

Bonnie was having a great time at her cocktail party. "Apparently there are some things she can do if she puts some thought and effort into them." Tucker mused.

"This is a great party!" Brad declared, and kissed his happy wife.

"Daddy I'm tired! I want to go to bed!" Emma moaned.

"I know sweetheart. Just wait a few more minutes and we'll try to sneak away." Ben looked closer at Riley. "Is something wrong?"

"Uh, Mrs. Wheeler, I think we have a problem." Riley said sheepfaced.

"What's the matter dear?"

"I think my water just broke."

"Don't be silly. You're not due for another two weeks. You are not about to have a baby." However a quick but surprisingly tactful check confirmed that Riley was right. This did not make Bonnie happy. "OK, everybody! Show's over! It turns out my son's fiancée is about to have a baby. So I have to take her to the hospital. And anyone who mentions the G word to me, except for Emma, is going to regret it." As the party broke up, Bonnie turned to Riley. "You are so going to pay for this."

 **T.V. Guide Preview 6.10 "Baby Daddy 2.0"**

In the mid-season finale, Riley goes into labor and Danny has to race across the country to be with her. Tucker's mother has an important message to deliver. Ben and Bonnie face several surprises.

 **Mid-season Finale Promo.**

[Shot of Riley in labor] We've been building it up the whole season, and next week we see Riley's baby.

It's an episode of shocks! [Shot of Bonnie saying "I'm pregnant?!"]

It's an episode of surprises! [Shot of Ben saying "I can't believe this is happening."}

And one of these women will not survive the episode! [Shots in quick succession of Bonnie, Mrs. Perrin, Elle, Riley and Mrs. Dobbs] Except for Bonnie. Bonnie is in no trouble at all.

The mid-season finale of "Baby Daddy," this Wednesday on ABC Freeform!


	4. 610 There is a Light that Never Goes Out

**There is a Light That Never Goes Out**

 _Intro_

[From 4.12] Riley to Danny "I think I'm in love with you."

[From 5.16] Riley "Okay, so, maybe I got back together with Ross just to make Danny jealous, Because maybe I'm still hoping he'll apologize, admit he was completely wrong, and we get back together."

[From 5.20] Riley to Danny "I'm Pregnant!"

[From Previous Episode] Riley: "I think my water just broke."

Contrary to what people may have thought, Jennifer Perrin was not a cold loveless mother. She was genuinely affectionate and loving towards her daughter. Moreover, she was capable of being genuinely affectionate and loving towards the other woman whom people thought was her daughter, but who was actually her niece. And sometimes this love genuinely shone through and touched everyone around them. This was not one of those times. "It's been twelve hours! We've passed the halfway point. Maybe!" She smiled desperately to a miserable Riley

 _Intro music_

 _Act 1_

It was just past ten o'clock the morning after Riley's water broke, and Ben had arrived in the hospital where his mother was waiting for him. "OK, she's on the next floor." But as they were walking, Ben stopped. He heard something. "That song?" He turned around and walked to a young woman in quasi-Goth costume who was listening to headphones and reading a magazine in a waiting room.

"Ben what is it?" Bonnie asked impatiently.

"Excuse me? Excuse me?!" But the woman didn't hear her, and Ben had to tap her on the shoulder. "What? Is my music too loud?"

"That song! It's been in my head for months but I don't know what it is."

"Oh that? It's 'There is a Light that Never Goes out,' by the Smiths."

"Huh." said Ben.

"That's the song in your head for months?" said Bonnie with some derision.

"The Smiths were big in your day, Mom?" Ben asked, as they resumed their walk to Riley's room.

"They weren't big among anyone I knew. Rock means passion, excitement, sex, beauty and a lot of other cool things. You know who led the Smiths? A celibate vegetarian. The kids we beat up in school listened to cooler music than that."

"Then why can't I get it out of my mind?" Ben asked himself. But before they could reach the stairwell, they were accosted by a handsome, surprisingly cheerful young doctor.

"You're Bonnie Wheeler Walker. I have some good news for you. You're going to have a baby in seven and a half months."

"I'm pregnant?!"

"Actually no. We're running a survey of how people react when they're giving incorrect medical diagnoses."

"Isn't that kind of _really_ unethical?" Ben wondered.

"You know, that's what the last three people I did this to said." replied the doctor who complete insouciance. "Let's see, Bonnie Wheeler. Caucasian. Blonde hair. Above average height. Early thirties."

"You really think I'm in my early thirties?" Bonnie asked with more than a hint of coyness. But then Ben grabbed her and resumed their way to Riley's hospital room. "Hi Riley, we're..." But then he had to duck when Riley threw a water glass at him from her hospital bed.

"Where have you been?!" she shouted angrily. "You left me here all alone!"

"I had to put my daughter to bed. And I couldn't just leave her. And anyway Mom said that it would take hours..." But just then Bonnie covered his mouth with her hand. "Ignore him. It's just like Ben to make up irresponsible lies."

Ben curtly removed Bonnie's hand. "Anyway, I had to take Emma to daycare, as well as do other things about the bar."

"But why couldn't you have Tucker do them?"

"He said he had this exclusive story that he just couldn't miss." Just then Tucker entered with a camerawoman. "Hello everyone," he said, speaking to the camera. "We're here today to tell a very special celebrity story. While it's not unusual for a professional athlete to have a child, it's rare for him to have one in circumstances as wonderful..." But then he noticed that Ben and Riley were glaring at him. "What?"

"You're doing a story on the birth of my son?"

"Sure! It's good publicity for Danny, and therefore it's good for you."

"Did it occur to you that I don't want the fact I'm having a child out of wedlock broadcast to the entire world?"

"Now, you're just being selfish," Bonnie interjected.

Ben interceded. "OK, this is a bit awkward, but I think most people are cool with this. Well, except for your priest."

"My sister isn't very sympathetic." Riley pointed out.

"Don't forget me. I'm really not impressed by this as well." Mrs. Perrin added.

Riley took a deep breath, then took another, more haggard breath as her labor continued. "But look, I've been in labor for hours. And you weren't there for me. Look at Elle by contrast. She's been here all this time, being a better friend than you Ben." At this sound, Elle, who had nodded off several hours earlier, abruptly woke up from her chair. "What? What? What's going on?" she asked from the chair she was sitting in.

"Riley's angry that Ben didn't spend the night with the two of you," Tucker explained.

"I'm sorry," Ben replied. "But I do have to look after Emma. And Robert Raymond does have an aunt. I don't see your sister here."

"How do you know that my Rebecca isn't just out for a snack?" Mrs. Perrin protested.

"I'm sorry. Is she here?"

"Of course not." Riley snorted. "But I expect more from you!"

"You have really high standards for your future brother-in-law." Elle commented, as she got up and roused herself awake.

"Look, we're getting off topic." Tucker interrupted. He approached Riley. "Why don't you tell us the story of a how an ugly unpopular duckling like you was blessed with the everlasting love of the best athlete of the high school of the New Jersey suburb where you both grew up?"

Riley glowered angrily and silently at Tucker. "Mom. Could you give me your purse so I can beat Tucker with it?"

"Here. Take the laptop Mrs. Wheeler brought to Skype with her husband."

"Hey!" Bonnie angrily objected as Tucker and the camerawoman quickly retreated. Riley took another deep breath, and another more haggard one. "Does anybody know where Danny is? Did someone actually contact him?"

"Well we managed to telephone him." Ben explained. "Of course, he was playing a hockey game on the other side of the country, and by the time he found out, it was too late to get a flight out. And he had a little trouble booking a flight this morning." Riley nodded, since the trouble was that Danny actually had little experience booking plane flights: it had actually been mostly done by the team or by his mother. "But the good news is that he's on his way!" Ben looked awkwardly at his mother, who returned an uncomfortable glance. The good news was that Danny would probably arrive in time for the birth. The bad news was that was because the birth was going to be several long agonizing hours of labor away.

As it happens Danny was settling in into his window seat. A few minutes earlier the last flight of his journey had taken off. Since Danny was very tall he had no trouble seeing a ten year girl traveling alone sitting in the row ahead of him in the aisle seat opposite his side. Although she was ten, she still carried a toy koala bear while she was reading a Newbery Medal book. He wondered why she was traveling alone, then turned away without giving her another thought.

"Is this seat taken?" a man asked about Danny's aisle seat.

"No, help yourself."

The man sat down. He looked very much like Joe Rogan of all people, or at least he did two decades ago when he still had hair. There was something about him that made people want to volunteer information to him. Or at least it did to people as ingenuous as Danny. "I'm flying back to New York. My fiancée is about to give birth to our son. I only hope I reach her before he's born."

"That will take several hours," the man pointed out. "She must be a wonderful person."

"She is. I mean she has her faults." If it was Ben who was in the same position, he would have wondered why he said that. But Danny didn't think of that. Instead his mind went back six months ago at a cocktail party he and Riley were at with her fellow lawyers.

"Who's this John Roberts you keep talking about?" Danny asked a bit loudly.

"He's the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court." Riley said through gritted teeth.

"Has he been that for long?"

"For more than a decade Danny."

"She didn't have to be so condescending." Danny explained to his fellow passenger.

"I understand Riley takes a wide interest in sports. What interest do you take in law?"

"Oh, I know enough about law." Back at the cocktail party Danny offered his opinion. "I think 'Dred Scott' was a great case!"

Riley slapped her head, and quickly took Danny aside. "Danny, do you even know what 'Dred Scott' does?"

"Sure it says police have to read everyone their Miranda rights to people."

"Uh, no. They're called Miranda rights, because Miranda was the man who brought the case requiring them to do that."

"Isn't Miranda a girl's name?"

"Danny, ignore the Miranda case for a minute. Dred Scott, who is no longer law, says Congress can't ban slavery from the territories."

"That's ridiculous. The Declaration of Independence bans slavery."

"No it doesn't, Danny. How can you be so stu..." but then she shut up.

"Sometimes I feel she doesn't respect me." Danny complained.

"Oh I understand you completely." the man who resembled Joe Rogan nodded.

Back at the hospital Tucker was wondering how to butter up Riley when his mother tapped him on the shoulder. "Mom! What are you doing here?"

"That's a good question. I've been noticing in the past few months that there are times when I'm not quite myself. I seem to become more open to insight. Almost as if I was becoming a vessel for divine grace."

"Uh-huh," Tucker muttered skeptically.

"Or it could be I'm having a stroke." She lost her concentration and stared past Tucker. "And I think the evidence is pointing to the latter."

She abruptly fainted into Tucker's arms. "Mom?!"

Meanwhile Bonnie and Mrs. Perrin had briefly left Riley alone. "I'm hungry." Elle said. She hadn't had breakfast, and in fact hadn't had much dinner. "I'm going out to the vending machine."

Riley still suffered in bed. "Do you remember Zoey, Ben?"

"Of course I do. It's not every time a woman gives birth when I'm dating her. Trust me, that is actually a rare occurrence."

"Yes. She must have had the baby in less than half an hour." Riley paused, wondering whether she should get out of the bed and walk around. She exhaled. "Lucky bitch. Oh this is so frustrating! I walked for three hours early this morning, and the baby is still not coming out! Clearly I'm being punished with this idiotically extended pregnancy. Your mother keeps telling me horror stories about Danny's delivery. My Mom only arrived a half hour before you did, and she's no help. And Ms. Jensen called to wonder why I'm not in court. And I just chased Tucker away, and I don't have any female friends. And everything's awkward between us and Danny isn't here, and that's not the worst of it."

"Maybe you could eat something."

"I'm having a baby! I'm not hungry!" she snapped. Riley put her head in her hands. "I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry, you're..."

"And I'm sorry I pushed Zoey on you. I was being selfish..."

"Who's Zoey?" Elle came back in, finishing a chocolate bar. Ben and Riley looked at her with increasing astonishment.

"I'll ask you again. Who's Zoey?" But the two were still surprised. Ben took the effort to speak. "Elle, you're eating a chocolate bar."

"Yeah, I told you I was hungry."

"Elle, you're eating a Snickers chocolate bar."

"Yes. So what?"

"Elle, you can't eat nuts." She slowly realized this, but then abruptly collapsed into Ben's arms.

 _Act 2_

[From 3.02] Riley to Ben "Ben, I was in love with you before I even knew what love really was. You know, before I ever dreamed that there could be an us."

[From 4.09] Riley to Ben "This, this was a mistake. I think I loved you for so long I actually willed you into loving me back. You know what? I just took you along for my ride."

It was more than eight months ago, just after Riley and Danny gotten back together. Riley and Ben were in the hallway of their apartment building. "Now we're a couple again, Ben, you can't breathe a word about what we did when we split up from Ross and Ms. Gilcrest. If anyone says they saw us kiss, you just deny it. You can't whisper a word of it to anyone, not even to Emma."

Ben smirked a little. "You seem a bit concerned about one insincere kiss." But Riley gave a look that she was deadly serious. "OK, not a problem. I'll never say a word on the subject."

"Seriously, Ben. Not a word. I don't have to spend a week making sure I block every conceivable loophole on the subject."

"No, you don't." Ben looked around the hallway. "What are you doing?" Riley asked.

"I'm just wondering whether anyone might have overheard us." But nobody was there. Ben turned around, and found that Riley had closed the door of her apartment behind her.

Back in the present, Riley's labor pains worsened just as Ben realized something awful about Elle. "She's not breathing! Riley, I need to find a doctor. I'll be back soon." Ben quickly left the room, carrying Elle with him. Shortly after Mrs. Perrin returned. "So Ben and Tucker aren't here for you. That's unexpected-NOT."

As it happens Tucker had his own very serious problem. He was waiting anxiously while the cheerful young doctor whom Ben and Bonnie had met earlier looked over his mother. "Tucker, I don't feel very well," she said.

"But she's going to be all right, doctor. We caught the problem in time?"

Still very cheerful, the doctor replied. "No. There's nothing we can do."

"What?!"

"It's a combination of heart failure and a major stroke. The damage is quite irreversible. She has no more than a few hours left."

"WHAT!? Can't you get one of those things that appear in TV shows to start hearts again?"

"You mean a defibrillator?"

"Yes! Exactly! Doesn't this hospital have any?"

"Oh it has plenty of them. But it wouldn't make any difference." the doctor answered brightly.

"There has to be something you can do!"

"There is some good news."

"What? You can save her?"

"No, not at all. But although she can't walk or move, and despite suffering a major stroke, she can still talk coherently for what's left of her life. That is kind of odd."

"Odd, in the sense that your diagnosis is wrong and if you revised it you could find a way to save her?!"

"No. Have a nice day!" and the Doctor went cheerfully on his way.

Meanwhile Danny was still talking to the passenger who looked like Joe Rogan. "Let's see," the Passenger commented. "Riley was unduly curt the time when you failed to set the alarm properly. She wasn't thrilled when she first thought you got her pregnant with a perforated condom. She ruined your prize hockey stick after she found out you deceived her about the school trophies and didn't realize that you had changed your mind. She didn't show much support in your brief unsuccessful career as a TV weatherman. She lied to you and pretended to faint when you immediately proposed marriage the moment you began dating. You were justifiably upset when she did not immediately leap into your arms the moment she learned of your feelings, even though you were both dating other people at the time. She was completely unaware of your feelings all those years when you didn't tell her about them and dated other women. And she was angry at your attempts at courtship, and you wouldn't have gotten together if your brother hadn't interceded for you. Oh and one more thing. She didn't realize that you were in a pretend relationship with a beautiful movie star, because you couldn't tell anyone you were in a pretend relationship. So she got back to Ross, her previous boyfriend. That must have hurt you very much."

"It did indeed." Danny agreed, who didn't realize that there was no way that Stranger Joe Rogan would know any but a small fraction of this.

"It seems that most people would agree that Riley is lucky to have you."

"Well I've never said that. I would never say that."

"But other people do say that."

"Well Tucker has said that. And Mom has definitely said that."

"Well that's mother-in-laws for you. What about her girlfriends?"

"Well she doesn't have that many. But at her baby shower with her fellow lawyers, they were clearly resentful of Riley for her luck."

"Well it's good that you don't say that. And why should you, when everyone else says it for you?"

Danny pondered this for a minute. "Hey!"

"Oh wait. Your brother doesn't say this. He thinks he doesn't deserve Riley. And why was that? Because you told him."

Danny stared at the passenger. And then something clicked. "You know everything about me! You're trying to tell me something!"

Riley grimaced in agony, as the labor was becoming more intense, while still being excruciatingly slow. Mrs. Perrin thought of consoling her. "Riley, I'm sorry about what I said earlier about you and Danny. Clearly being with Danny is the best thing for you. I didn't mean to imply that you were throwing your life away just because you were having the baby out of wedlock."

"Thanks, Mom. I know that wasn't easy for you."

"Having a baby with Ben Wheeler, under any conceivable circumstance, that would be throwing your life away."

Riley winced. Just then Bonnie entered with Riley's Bengali obstetrician. "Look, who I found to help us!"

The obstetrician was clearly startled to find Riley. "You seem surprised to see your former patient." Mrs. Perrin noted.

"Sorry. I just thought she wouldn't be having the baby for two more weeks." The obstetrician came closer to examine Riley. "When I would be on vacation," she said to herself. She quickly examined her. "We're making progress!" she declared with a complete lack of enthusiasm.

Tucker was with his mother on her deathbed. She spoke feebly. "Tucker, I don't have much more time. I need to you find Ben."

"Why Ben? You barely know him."

"Because I have something very important to tell him. You have to do this."

"What about me?" asked a visibly distraught Tucker.

"What about you?"

"What about the rest of my life? How I am going to live with you? How am I going to find happiness?"

"Oh for heaven's sake Tucker," and she seemed to resume her normal, incongruously sultry voice, "Of course you'll find happiness. You are richer than the vast majority of New Yorkers, let alone black ones. As such you will undoubtedly find an attractive African-American woman who will settle for someone a foot shorter than average. On all questions, except divorcing your wife, ask what your father would do, and do exactly the same. Now go find Ben!"

Ben had been waiting nervously for news of Elle. It was then that the unusually cheerful Doctor showed up. "Mr. Wheeler, we actually have interesting news about your girlfriend. The two of you thought she had an allergy to nuts. Actually she only had a mild allergy to them. What she had was a more serious allergy to a common food preservative."

He handed Ben a card. "Monosodium glutamate?"

"Oh, it's much more complicated than that," and he flipped the card over.

Ben shook his head at the preservative's ridiculously long name. "Well now that we know what the problem is we can fix it with a revised diet."

"Not much point now, since she's dead."

"WHAT?"

"Yes. Closed her lungs. Suffocated. Very quick." the Doctor beamed.

"How can you be so happy about all this?!"

"Oh, I've always been like this. And though every day I see people in pain and suffering, and even though they often die, I just remind myself that I have a wonderful happy life. Have a nice day!" And the doctor merrily went his way.

Understandably, Ben was stunned. "I can't believe this is happening." He just sat there for a few seconds when his cell phone started to make a noise. "I'm being tweeted?" He took out his phone and looked at it. He was clearly startled by what he saw.

Just then, Tucker showed up. "Oh good! There you are!" And he yanked Ben away to see Mrs. Dobbs

 _Act 3_

Riley's labor was intensifying. "Just one more hour!" Bonnie exclaimed. "And then you'll see your son!"

"You told me three hours ago that I had an hour of labor left!"

"Yes, but I was lying to you then. But now I'm much more confident!"

"Just don't bet large sums of money on it." added Mrs. Perrin.

"Mom, when Aunt Margot was having me, what was labor for her like?"

"That doesn't make any sense," the obstetrician muttered.

"Long story. Don't worry about it." explained Bonnie.

"She had a better time, since she was stoned." Mrs. Perrin explained. "I wouldn't recommend it."

"Why aren't any of the boys here?"

"Well Riley, Danny isn't here because you decided to have your baby two weeks early when he was on the other side of the continent. And Ben isn't here because he's an insensitive idiot, as I've been telling you all your life."

"Why isn't Dad here?"

"Ah. Well that might be because, and I'm just suggesting it as a possibility, is because, perhaps, I didn't actually remember to tell him that you were in labor."

On the plane Danny reached the climax of his conversation with Angel Joe Rogan. That would be the best way to describe someone who looked like Rogan, and who knew Danny's every secret. "You're here to give me a message! You're here to tell me that I've been taking Riley for granted! And now that you've said that, I'm going to change! I'm going to be the best father and the best husband! Thank you! I'm even going to learn things about law!"

Angel Joe Rogan shook his head with genuine regret. "I'm sorry, that's not how it works."

"What do you mean?"

"There are billions of men on this planet. And most of them could probably be better to the women they love. Why do you think I'm talking to you?"

"Because I'm about to be a father."

Angel Joe Rogan again shook his head. "Mr. Wheeler, you're an American, from the world's most powerful country. Not only are you white and male, with all the advantages that carries, but you're richer than the vast majority of the white male Americans. Why would I go out of my way to give you of all people a tip? What makes you think you deserve this gentle push in the right direction more than your brother, who is also a father, and who has fewer friends and money, and whose daughter doesn't have a mother who loves her?" Danny pondered this, and when Angel Joe Rogan realized that Danny hadn't realized he'd been asked a rhetorical question, he continued. "My job isn't to provide people useful advice to live their lives. My job is to explain what they did wrong when they have no time left."

Danny stared at the angel and a realization slowly made its way through his consciousness. He looked again at the ten year old girl he had noticed when he had boarded the plane.

The Angel continued: "This plane crashed a few hours ago. Fortunately most of the passengers survived. But you were killed instantly."

Danny tried to take this all in. "I'm never going to see my son," he realized.

"Well that makes the next thing I have to tell you a little easier."

Tucker and Ben had arrived at the room where Mrs. Dobbs was dying. She motioned Ben to come in, while Tucker waited outside. "You wanted to tell me something Mrs. Dobbs?"

"I do indeed." she said feebly. "Come closer." Ben approached her, and bent downwards so that he was only a few inches from Mrs. Dobbs. She was now very weak, and the last few words took a tremendous effort. "Ben Wheeler, this is the happiest day of your life."

"What?"

"Didn't you hear me? I said this was the happiest..."

"Yes I heard you. Except what you said doesn't make any sense. My girlfriend, the one I told you I'd been waiting months to meet, just died from a freak allergic reaction. I just learned that my brother died in a plane crash. And no offense, but having you die in my arms is not going to be the high point of my day."

"But this is the happiest day. All you have to do...is to prove it." And then she died.

At that moment, Riley, the obstetrician and the two grandmothers to be were in the delivery room. "Push Riley!" her mother exhorted. "I know you've been doing this for twenty hours and you're exhausted and tired and weak. But you have to do this! You have to make the effort. This is definitely not the moment to give up! If you fail to do this, you are weak and selfish. This is not the time to be lazy and self-indulgent! This is the time to make the heroic effort that you..." But Mrs. Perrin's speech was then interrupted by the cry of a newborn baby. "Bonnie, you could have told me that speech was just a bit anti-climactic."

Riley collapsed in exhaustion. The Bengali obstetrician cut the umbilical cord, and quickly weighed and dressed the new child. Once Riley had recovered enough from her ordeal, the obstetrician gave it to her. "Here's your daughter Ms. Perrin. She's six pounds, nine ounces. She's a little small, but perfectly within the normal range for a newborn child."

Riley and the two grandmothers looked at the child. "It's a girl." Riley said.

"Yes, it is," the obstetrician said as she was about to leave.

"When I had my ultrasound about a month ago you told me that I was having a boy."

"Did I?"

"Yes. You were very clear on that point."

"Oh. Yes. Well, it certainly wasn't because I was running a betting operation on the sex of your child. Look," she pointed. "Is that Donald Trump?" And then she quickly raced off in the opposite direction.

 _Coda_

Riley was now back in bed in her hospital room while her mother held her daughter. Bonnie had gone off to get some snacks. "Well now you're a mother! How do you feel?"

"Exhausted. Surprised. I thought I would be a lot happier. Now I just feel guilty for not being happy."

"Well Riley the important thing to remember is that however hard it was to give birth, actually being a parent and being responsible for a human life is infinitely more stressful and difficult."

"Thanks Mom." Riley tried to rest while Mrs. Perrin noticed the baby opening her eyes. "Now that's odd."

"What's odd? Odd as in alarming?" an instantly alert Riley asked.

"No, odd as in mildly unusual. There's nothing to worry about."

"What is it?'

"Her eyes. There are specks of yellow in the iris." Riley was shocked.

Nine months earlier:

Ben and Riley were in Riley's apartment after having broken up with their older dates. Riley had poured drinks for the two of them and turned on the radio. "Well here's to us," Ben said clinking their glasses. "We no longer have to worry about Ross and Miss Gilcrest."

"Yeah, it would be really awkward to spend the rest of your life calling your wife Miss Gilcrest."

"And sleeping with your boss? That's just not you Riley." Ben took a sip from his drink. An awkward silence started to form. The Smiths were playing on the radio. "What is it we're listening to?"

"It's a college radio station." Ben nodded, and the awkward silence returned. Riley put her glass on the coffee table and stared at Ben who was looking at the radio. Then she abruptly took the glass from Ben's hand. "Riley?" Abruptly she embraced him and gave him a deep, erotic kiss. Ben quickly moved through the stages of astonishment, non-resistance to eager embrace as the two fell to the floor.

 _There is a light that never goes out. There is a light that never goes out._

 **Excerpts from the tvline interview on the mid-season finale:**

 **Q. The promo stated that one woman was going to die, when in fact two did, as well as Danny. Did you get that idea from** _ **The Walking Dead**_ **premiere where people assumed one of the cast would did, and a second cast member died?**

A. Actually no. I got the idea from _The X-Files:_ in the promo for the last episode about the Lone Gunman, it advertised that one of them would die, when in fact all three did...

 **Q. Of course the big shock is what happened to Danny.**

A. I know and I understand that fans are stunned and extremely upset. I don't want to give too much away. Right now Danny is clearly dead. He's not in a coma or anything like that. But Derek Theler is still very much a cast member, and will be appearing in all the remaining episodes. How we solve the problem is a bit complicated. But I can promise that in the final episode Danny will be alive and married to Riley.


	5. 611 Three Funerals and No Wedding

**Three Funerals and No Wedding**

 _Intro_

Ben emerged from the room where Mrs. Dobbs had died. Tucker was waiting anxiously. "Is she...is she..."

Ben gave Tucker a hug. "Yes. Your mother's gone." Tucker burst into tears, and Ben patted him reassuringly.

Tucker recovered. "I heard that Elle also died. That's really tough man."

"Thanks."

"It's a good thing you never actually slept with her. That would be so much worse."

Ben resisted the urge to punch Tucker. "Tucker, there's something else I have to tell you. And it's pretty bad. I just learned this before you got me. Danny died in a plane crash a few hours ago. And I need to help me break the news to Mom and Riley..." But just then a piercing scream was heard all through the hospital, and conceivably the outer boroughs as well. "NOOOOOO!"

"I don't think we need to tell your mother." The two raced down several corridors and several flights of stairs to find Bonnie screaming at a TV where CNN was reporting on Danny's death.

"Mom, I heard this a few minutes ago and..." But before Ben could say anything more Bonnie put her only remaining child in a headlock. "OK, if you want I can break his arms! I can throw him down a flight of stairs! If you want to, I can spay him! Probably should have anyway! I'll give you his eyes to get Danny back! How about his sense of hearing? Do you want the whole enchilada!? I am Bonnie Wheeler and to get my son back I WILL MAKE YOU A DEAL!"

 _Intro Music_

 _Act I_

Ben managed to untangle himself from his mother. "Tucker, you talk to Mom. I'm going to tell Riley." He dashed off, while Tucker gingerly kept a safe distance from Bonnie. In her hospital room Riley was frantically pacing. "Omigod Omigod Omigod. What am I gonna do? What am I gonna do?"

"You seem very upset," Mrs. Perrin noted unhelpfully and more than a little smugly. "I wonder why Bonnie's so distraught. Maybe her husband ran off with his secretary." The thought made her smile.

Just then Ben burst into the room. "Riley! I..." He noticed something. "You're no longer pregnant! And that must be my new nephew" looking at the baby in Mrs. Perrin's arms.

"Wrong on both counts," Mrs. Perrin replied.

"What?"

"I actually have a daughter. It turns out my obstetrician works part time as an unscrupulous bookie."

Ben approached the baby. "So this is Roberta Ray..mondia?"

"Haven't chosen a name yet. I'm waiting for Danny to show up so we can talk to about it."

"Ah." Danny turned to face Riley. "Riley, I have something very important to tell you."

"Oh thank God."

"What?"

"I have something incredibly important to tell you!"

"You do?"

"I just have to get this off my chest. Ben this is really important. It's life shattering!"

"And what I have to tell you is vital is well. It's absolutely crucial to you being a mother!"

"Is it? Because what I have to tell you would reduce many men to jelly."

"Well, it's good that _you're_ strong enough to deal with this. It gives me hope that a new parent can deal with this."

"The way you're saying makes me so hopeful! It gives me the strength to deal with this." And for a moment the two looked into each other's eyes. Then an unpleasant thought crossed Ben's mind. "We're not talking about the same thing are we?"

"We could be."

"I don't think we are actually."

"Oh! We should say our message at the same time!"

"I think that would be a _really_ bad idea. I think you should go first."

"No...you should."

"No, I insist."

"No, I insist. I really, really, _really_ insist you should."

Ben was taken aback by this enough to agree. "OK, when you last saw me I was taking Elle away because of an allergic reaction."

"Oh God! I'm such a horrible person! I completely forgot her! How is she?"

"Well, she died." Ben winced while Riley took that in. "And it gets worse. Tucker's mom arrived at the hospital. And then she died of a stroke."

"Good lord. Let me just take this in." She paced back and forth quickly, while Ben wondered how to break the biggest news of all. "All right. I think I'm getting a handle on this. But wow. To think that in the midst of life there is always death. That's just so wow."

Just then Bonnie came in, dragging along a weeping Tucker. "Will you let go of me?' Unfortunately, Bonnie caught the tail end of Riley's words and leaped to the wrong conclusion. "Oh good, Ben. You managed to tell Riley that Danny died in the plane crash."

Riley looked directly at everyone. Then she fainted dead away as Ben awkwardly caught her. "Not quite," he bristled.

 _Four days later._

Tucker and Ben were sitting at the kitchen table in their apartment, trying to relax with some beers. Tucker sighed. "Three funerals in three straight days. Mom's tomorrow. Elle's the day after. And then finally Danny the day after that. There's been so much work."

"I know. Making sure that Danny's body would be back from Illinois took a lot of work. And of course I had to break everything to Elle's family in Queens and wait for the rest of their family to come from upstate."

"How's your Mom?"

"You know the five stages of grief. Well so far Mom's stuck with 'anger.' Except when she had to tell her mother about Danny. When I saw her yesterday she was a completely different person. She was terrified and crying. You remember my grandmother?"

"No, should I?"

"You remember last year. When I invited her back into our lives and then we learned that she had thrown Mom out when she was pregnant with Danny."

"Not ringing a bell. That must have flown right by me."

"Well I spent the last 36 hours trying to get my grandma to come, as well as Mom's sister, who she's also estranged from. And there's all sort of odds and ends to deal with. There's three wakes to plan. And there are a couple of gaps with the pallbearers. But I think we can fill those right now."

"How so?"

"Well, I can be a pallbearer for your mother. And you can be a pallbearer for Elle and Danny. Close relatives and lovers shouldn't be pallbearers, but friends can."

"Huh. I've never been a pallbearer before. Oh, Riley came home from the hospital today."

"She is? Wow, I've been so busy I've only talked to her a couple of times in the past few days."

"Well, you have been insanely busy."

"And so has she. I mean there are all the forms and tests about the baby, as well as all the other aspects of Danny's death. This can't be easy for her."

"And now she and her daughter are sleeping in their own beds. Well actually your niece is sleeping in Emma's old crib."

"It looks tough now. It's horrible to come into the world just when you dad leaves it. But someday Unnamed Wheeler will be a force to be reckoned with!"

"They still haven't named her?" Danny wondered. He had been eavesdropping all the time with Angel Joe Rogan.

 _The Dobbs Funeral_

"Hi everyone!" Danny said as the Lutheran church filled with mourners. Tucker was at the far end of the first row, which he shared with his father and several aunts and uncles. Ben, Emma, Riley and Riley's baby were in the row right behind Tucker.

"As I've told you before," said Angel Joe Rogan, "no one can see you." But Danny ignored him. "I think children may be able to sense my presence!" And so he tried to play peekaboo, made silly faces and performed funny sounds in front of Emma. Nothing happened: Emma couldn't hear him at all.

"Maybe it could be like in _Ghost_. If I really concentrate I can send a message to Riley telling her I'm here."

"OK, there are two problems with that idea. First off, _Ghost_ is not a good movie."

"It was nominated for best picture."

"That only shows that the Academy is made up of morons. There were so many better movies made that year."

"Really? Like what?"

"Well starting on the masculine side _Reversal of Fortune, Miller's Crossing, Mountains of the Moon, Jacob's Ladder._ Hell, _Gremlins 2_ is a much better movie. And we're getting distracted from the second point, which is that the afterlife doesn't work that way!"

 _The De Palma Funeral_

It was the Catholic Church Riley, Ben and Elle had been in a week earlier, with Father De Maistre presiding. Riley was sitting with Bonnie and Brad, while Ben was at the front with Elle's family with Emma while Tucker was seated with the pallbearers. "So you still haven't found a name for my granddaughter."

"I know. It's embarrassing. Part of me feels I should name her after what Danny would have wanted. But we never talked about girl's names."

"I have a perfect name for her..."

"Mrs. Wheeler, I'm not naming her after you."

"I...had a perfectly wonderful other name for her." Riley looked at her skeptically. "Just give me a few minutes."

"Let me think of a name." Danny thought. "Oh I know! Jessica's a wonderful name!"

"What made you think of that?" asked Angel Joe Rogan.

"Oh, there are many wonderful women named Jessica. Like Jessica Feltshank! I lost my virginity to her."

Angel Joe Rogan was briefly silent. "Maybe you should think a little harder about the name."

 _The Wheeler Funeral_

Ben was still getting things ready, and Tucker was looking after Emma. "You're probably tired of these events where you have to sit still and be very quiet. Well this should be the last one for some time."

"Uncle Tucker?"

"Yes?"

"Why is Uncle Danny in that box at the front?"

"Good question. And I get to answer it!"

 _The Dobbs Funeral_

Ben turned to Riley. "I'm sorry I've been so busy. We really haven't had much time to talk..."

Riley interrupted him. "I know you've been so busy. And we should have a good talk. But right this minute, I'm thinking about death and motherhood, and if you could think of something else to talk about, that would be wonderful."

Ben thought about this, and then an idea came to him. Speaking to both Tucker and Riley, "Do you remember that there was a song in my head that I couldn't figure out? Well a few days ago I realized it was by The Smiths, 'There is a Light that Never Goes out.' Do either of you know why that song would be stuck in my head?"

Tucker, of course, had no idea while Riley immediately remembered why and was horrified. "You're asking about that?!"

"Yeah. It's odd. I mean I really don't know anything about the Smiths and..."

"YOU'RE ASKING ABOUT THAT?!"

"Well, yeah, is there a problem?"

"IS THERE A PROBLEM?! IS THERE A PROBLEM?! YOU DELIBERATELY ASK ABOUT THE SMITHS, KNOWING FULL WELL WHAT THAT MEANS TO US! YOU ARE THE MOST IRRESPONSIBLE NITWIT I HAVE EVER KNOWN! NO, YOU'RE BEING DELIBERATELY CREEPY IN DELIBERATELY RAISING THE SUBJECT! YOU ARE BEYOND BELIEF! YOU ARE THE MOST INCREDIBLE JERK RAISING THE SMITHS!"

 _Act 2_

 _The Dobbs Funeral_

Everybody stared at Riley. "I really don't like just some independent bands who broke up before I was born." She sat down embarrassed. "Maybe I should check up with the other pallbearers." Ben suggested. Soon he was with the other five in the room with the coffin. What was problematic wasn't that they were all black. It was that while one of them was his height, two of the others were Tucker's cousins, who were even shorter than him. Meanwhile two of the others, separated in age by three decades, were nearly seven feet high.

 _The De Palma funeral_

 _"_ People who think 'The Walking Dead' is better than 'Game of Thrones' are morons!"

"'Games of Thrones' fans are just stupid teenagers looking for skin"

Tucker grimaced as two of his fellow pallbearers angrily argued, completely ignoring their pallbearer duties.

 _The Wheeler Funeral_

Tucker looked at his five fellow pallbearers. They were all Danny's teammates, and were all considerably taller than Tucker. They were in fact carrying the coffin so high that Tucker couldn't reach it. "Oh hell no!"

 _The Dobbs funeral_

One of the other pallbearers was in charge, and he had arranged the others in a way that paid no attention to the fact that they were different heights. As they awkwardly carried the coffin Ben tried to object. "I know this arrangement was based on how close we were to Mrs. Dobbs, but this isn't going to work.

Meanwhile the Lutheran pastor, who like Mrs. Dobbs, was a black woman, was introducing herself to Tucker, Riley and Bonnie. "You probably think of Black Christianity as an emotional experience that lacks theological rigor and is full of Pelagian sentimentalities."

"Up to this point I've never given it a thought." Bonnie replied.

"Well this is one African-American congregation with the highest intellectual standards! We're having a lecture next week!" She handed a leaflet to Riley. "Why Friedrich Wilhelm Joseph Schelling kicks ass?"

"The tone is a work in progress. We're also using the great Lutheran heritage of hymns!"

"Yeah. I noticed that in some the word 'Jew' is crossed out and replaced with 'not nice person.'"

"That's also a work in progress."

 _The De Palma Funeral_

Ben and Emma was sitting with Elle's parents and her siblings (she had one of each), when Father De Maistre mounted the pulpit. He confronted the mourners. "As we face today the death of Elle De Palma, we must ask the question, was she a slut? Allow me to make the case for the affirmative."

Much of the congregation was stunned, though Mrs. De Palma muttered "I knew I blew off too many bake sales." De Maistrie's tone and grim bearing brooked no confrontation. "After all, Jesus said that anyone who looks at someone with lust is guilty of adultery. By that standard are we not all guilty of adultery?"

Angel Joe Rogan whispered to Danny. "He says 'we,' but he totally means 'you.' When he learned at five years old that priests never marry or even kiss girls, he immediately thought 'Wow! This is the job for me!'"

De Maistre continued. "Should the late Elle De Palma have felt guilty for enjoying sex? Of course she should. But it's worse than that..."

Bonnie was appalled. "I can't believe this jerk! I'm going to give him a piece of mind..." but Riley restrained her. Bonnie turned to her and noticed that Riley was saying something very softly. "Hail Mary, full of grace, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death."

"What are you doing Riley?"

"I talked to Father De Maistre two days ago. And now I have to do 2,343 Hail Marys."

"That's ridiculous!"

"Well to be fair, I haven't gone to confession since I lost my virginity."

"That's still ridiculous! And since you're not getting married soon, why do you care about his opinion?"

"Absolution."

 _The Wheeler Funeral_

Ben embraced his father. "Thanks for coming Dad." Raymond Wheeler looked around. "Where's your mother? I don't want to make things even more awkward."

"Actually I think she would prefer being with you than with grandma."

Tucker had joined them after being with the pallbearers. "Yeah she seems very upset."

"Actually Mom can handle Grandma. If you want to know Mom's Achilles heel, just bring up her sister, Aunt Vickie."

Tucker was not pleased. "You couldn't have brought that up sometime in the past three years, when that could really have come in handy?"

Danny and Angel Joe Rogan were watching them. "Why is Ben paying so little attention to his new daughter? I mean he's always been kind of irresponsible, but why is he just ignoring her?"

"He doesn't know he's the father. And Riley only suspects he is."

A thought occurred to Danny. "The only reason I was on that plane was because Riley went into labour early. But maybe she didn't go into labor early at all. If I knew the right due date I wouldn't have been away in the first place! Ben's indirectly responsible for my death! I wish I were alive so I could sue him!" Danny continued to fume. "I can't believe Riley cheated on me. I can't believe all this time Ben didn't tell me about this."

"Since you don't know the full circumstances, maybe you should reserve judgement."

"Judgement! What happens next?! Am I going to heaven? Am I going to hell? Oh no!"

"Mr. Wheeler, let me reassure you. The concept of hell involves infinite and eternal torment. The very concept is the absolute denial of mercy. If hell was your fate, why would we have delayed it for a week? No, once these preliminaries are over you will face your fundamentally hopeful eternal destiny."

"Oh, that's a relief."

"And if someone could get off their fat duff and tell me what's going on, I'd really like that." Angel Joe Rogan said to himself.

 _The De Palma Wake_

"Well that was the worst sermon I've ever sat through." Elle's father complained back at the bar. "On the plus side, nothing distracts you from overwhelming grief that an exhaustive survey of the perils of purgatory."

Ben congratulated Tucker. "Thanks for straightening out the pallbearers. How did you do it?"

"I managed to reassure them that whatever their disagreements, they had a better sex life than I did."

"Really?" Ben chuckled.

"Now I feel sad."

"Yeah, I understand. Two down, one to go." And he hugged Tucker.

Mrs. De Palma spoke up. "The good father didn't ask us to express our feelings about Elle. But we can do that here. I'd like to introduce you all to Ben Wheeler, who turned out to be Elle's last boyfriend."

 _The Dobbs Funeral_

Mrs. Dobbs' sister was short, two years younger and distinctly thinner than her sibling, still attractive in her mid-fifties and very, very apologetic. "If my sister were here today, I would tell her how sorry I was. Sorry that I ate the last piece of wedding cake. Sorry that I took all her crayons when I was five years old. I'm so sorry that I fell asleep after preparing the church social for twelve hours. Sorry that I preferred 'Friends' to rereading Reinhold Niebuhr. I'm so sorry that I insisted we have ice cream when you wanted apple pie when you were six years old. I'm so sorry that we all went to see 'Star Wars' instead of that Ingmar Bergman retrospective. I'm so sorry I laughed when you said Dan Quayle was the greatest president we never had. I'm so sorry..."

And she continued in this vein, and while Bonnie couldn't believe this, Tucker was melting into a small puddle of grief. So when the pastor asked Tucker to follow his aunt in giving her own thoughts he was incompletely unable to do so. Ben quickly hustled over from the pallbearers. "Try and calm down." He took out a water bottle he had brought for Emma. "Here, have some water."

"Water! My mother loved water! She had it every day!" And Tucker continued to cry. But he recovered enough to look at Ben. "You do it Ben!"

 _The Wheeler Funeral_

As the funeral progressed, Ben noted that Riley was frantically texting. (He couldn't hear that she was still saying her Hail Marys.) "Riley, this is Danny's funeral. Seriously, surely you know this a bad time."

"I'm almost finished... And now I'm done! I'm sorry. It's just that there's so much paperwork with the new baby. And it's so much harder when you don't actually name her. So now that I've actually named her, I can complete it."

"Hold on! My niece actually has a name?"

"Oh right. I should probably tell you that." They were speaking in a little higher than a whisper. "This is Ruth Elena Wheeler," she said showing her to Ben, Emma, Ray and Brad. Bonnie was too distracted to notice.

"What kind of name is Ruth?" Danny wondered.

"She's Ruth Elena after Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Elena Kagan."

"I thought Sandra Day O'Connor was the first woman on the Supreme Court." Ben noted.

"Yes, but Ginsburg and Kagan are better justices."

"So she has Danny's name." Ray Wheeler pointed out.

"Yes. It's very important she know who her father is."

As they returned to paying attention to the service, Riley tapped Ben on the shoulder. "Oh one more thing about Ruth. It's probably nothing, but if you could go to this clinic tomorrow, and do a few tests, I'd appreciate it." She gave Ben a card, when the reverend spoke up. "We will now have some words from Daniel Wheeler's mother." But Bonnie was too upset to speak. Brad whispered to Ben. "She's too upset from her talk with her sister."

 _The Dobbs Funeral, The De Palma Wake, The Wheeler Funeral_

"Here's Ben Wheeler everyone."

 _Act 3_

 _The Wheeler Funeral_

Ben took a breath, not too deep, and started to speak. "I actually hadn't prepared any remarks. But I've been thinking all the time about Danny since his death. I know I'm his brother, and obviously I'm not very objective. But you didn't have to be his brother to know that he was the kindest and most generous man alive. Saying this at his funeral full of people, it's kind of hard to articulate all this. But if anyone was asked in any other circumstances, they wouldn't have any problem telling everyone about how wonderful he was."

 _The Dobbs Funeral_

"I didn't really know Mrs. Dobbs very well. I only met her three times in the last month of her life. But I think the first thing I can say is that Tucker Dobbs is my best friend and the one man I can't do without. And Mrs. Dobbs is the woman who made Tucker Thurgood Marshall Dobbs the man he is today." Tucker was still crying, and his father had given him a handkerchief, which Tucker used to make an awkward honking noise. Ben winced briefly, but continued. "So anyway..."

 _The Wheeler Funeral_

"But the best thing about my brother was that he was the best uncle my daughter ever had. I'm not sure you know all about this, and this isn't really my story or Emma's. But when Emma arrived, it was a complete surprise. But Danny was behind me 100% and I could never have gotten this far without his help."

Danny was somewhat annoyed. "Look at this shameless lying. He hasn't said a thing about how he got the love of my life pregnant. And it's not true that I thought he should take care of Emma. I was opposed to it, and only Riley supported Ben. And she never actually told him that because when I realized that she was right, I told her not to tell Ben so Ben would have the confidence to do it without help."

"Yeah. You're right. Ben's a monster." Angel Joe Rogan muttered.

Listening to Ben improved Bonnie's spirits. "It's good you're feeling better." Brad said. "Do you know what I think? I think we should have a new boy to replace Danny."

Bonnie looked deeply into Brad's eyes-and burst out laughing. "Oh Brad, what they say is right. Laughter really is the best medicine!"

 _The Dobbs Funeral_

Ben continued. "I don't think most of you know was that I was the last person to see Mrs. Dobbs alive. It wasn't because I knew her very well. I only met her a couple of times. But what she said to me was very important. She told me that today, the day she died, was the happiest day of my life. All I had to do was to prove it. Now on the face of it that would be wrong, because she died immediately after she said it. Not only that, but my girlfriend and my brother had died that day in separate accidents.

"But I don't think that's what she meant. Or I think she meant something more. I think that she was saying that if you prove it, that if you show how much you care about other people, that you show how much you love them, that you act as if they were the only thing that mattered, that's what you should be doing. And it doesn't matter whether you feel happy, that's what should you be doing regardless."

Ben paused and there were murmurs from the mourners thinking this over. But then the pastor sharply interrupted. "No, that's not it."

"Excuse me?"

"That's just sentimental codswallop. No, actual salvation is far more rigorous, and complex and much more arduous and difficult. Your statements are just the banalities one would expect from a loser with an illegitimate child from a one night stand."

"Yeah, Ben." Bonnie called out. "Even I know more about Lutheran soteriology than you do."

 _The De Palma Wake_

Ben looked at the crowd. "What I'm about to say doesn't come easy to me. I only hope this is better than the speech I gave at the last funeral I went to. I was Elle's last boyfriend. And the odd thing is that although we were only together for a couple of weeks, we thought we would be together for months beforehand. We kept missing each other, but we still thought that we were destined to be together..." Ben paused and tried to take stock of his feelings. There were mutterings in the crowd.

"No. I am _not_ the boyfriend who posted nude pictures of her on the internet. Anyway, clearly we aren't destined to be together. Over the past few days I've learned a lot about her. She was an excellent cook. I mean, I already knew she was a good cook. But she was such a great cook that she could make small children eat Brussel sprouts. Having a small daughter of my own that is quite the trick. Though that might just be because Italian children have better taste. There's a lot of stories about her. Unfortunately many of them involve the peculiar allergy that killed her. What else can I say? Her favorite flowers were lilacs. She could play an excellent game of Risk. She worked as a lifeguard at a pool for one summer, and she didn't really like it, because the management insisted she wear a bikini and she kept getting sunburned. But she did save a nun who never knew how to swim. Apparently she liked to sing Christina Aguilera songs in the shower. Her sister told me that her musical taste would drive me crazy. She liked to play with tops. My daughter especially liked that about her. Like me she barely passed high school biology. She once told me that she could have gotten an A in physics but she was too lazy to put in the effort. That's a lot like me actually. She was a high school cheerleader but she quit after two months because the popularity wasn't worth being leered at. She had a lesbian friend whose coming out was kind of difficult and she stood by her even when classmates spread the rumor that she herself was gay. She spent 15 months supporting Hillary Clinton and spent two weeks in a Georgia suburb convincing people to support her. And she actually had some success, just not enough. She liked yo-yos, pistachio nuts, _Kate and Leopold_ , and she tried to play in a high school production of "Othello" but was fired at the last minute because she kept giggling at the lead. And there's a lot more I could say about her. But the important thing is that we were all lucky to know her. And we all wish she could have been that lucky as well."

 _The Wheeler Wake_

Riley was looking around the bar carrying Ruth, when she received a tap on the shoulder. She quickly turned around. "Mr. Goodman! Ms. Gilchrist!"

"You can call me Ross," Ross said. "But at this stage you should call my wife Mrs. Goodman."

"Yes, yes, of course. I'm sorry me and Danny weren't in New York six months ago for your wedding." Riley looked more closely. "And clearly you're expecting a child. I'd say four months?"

"Correct," the new Mrs. Goodman beamed happily. "But we're so sorry to hear about Danny's death." Just then Ms. Jensen, Riley's first boss at the law firm came up with her associate Palladino.

"I've heard about your loss. I've been told that it must be really difficult to lose your daughter's father just before he's born. I think if you took an objective look, it would help you to care less." Palladino winced behind his superior in crime.

Not really wanting to talk with her fellow lawyers, Riley made excuses and stepped away. But she did not move very far when she encountered her beautiful younger sister Rebecca.

"Riley, I have to talk to you. Even when we were little children I knew how Danny felt about you. And I never told you about it because I actually wanted Danny for myself. And I actually thought it was good that you had a crush on Ben, because I thought you might succeed and you'd be stuck with a hopeless loser. So when I found out that you were with Danny I really envied you. And when I learned that you were pregnant and then you were going to marry him, I was extremely envious. And now that Danny is dead and that my niece will never know her father I just feel so, so...so..." Rebecca paused for a distinctly long period of time. "I was going to say I feel so sad for you, and I regret not being a better sister. But actually I'm not that sad at all! Come to think of it, if you had realized that Danny was in love with you and had been a better girlfriend during the time you were together, and actually used birth control, this wouldn't have happened. I think there's a term for this. Oh yeah, 'tough love.' That's just what you need." And very pleased with herself she left a stunned Riley.

Ben was looking at this from the open bar with Tucker. "What is it with sisters? Elle got along with her's fine. But you just saw Riley's sister. Aunt Vickie can turn Mom into a nervous wreck. Your aunt was still clearly intimidated by your Mom. And then there's Riley's Mom and her aunt. They don't get along at all. Is it a girl thing? I mean I had my disagreements with Danny, but as brothers we always helped each other and got along fairly well."

Danny was standing with Angel Joe Regan, invisible to all. "I am so pissed at you."

 _Coda_

It was the next day, and Ben was at the clinic when Riley came with Ruth in a baby carriage. "Hey Riley, I just gave the nurse the blood sample you wanted."

"Did the nurse tell you why I needed it?"

"No, she said you would tell me."

"Ah." Riley paused. "Why do you think I would ask for it?"

"I don't know. There's all kind of reasons. There's this useful pamphlet here which gives all kind of reasons. I was thinking maybe Ruth might need blood and for some reason you couldn't give any. Since I'm Ruth's closest male relative, you asked me."

"Oh." Riley took a deep breath. "Ben, the reason I asked you to give a blood sample is...Well it's a bit difficult to say."

"Is there something wrong with Ruth?"

"Not at all." Riley took a final breath. "Ben, I think you may be Ruth's father."

 **T.V. Guide Preview 6.12 "When There's No Will, There's no Way."**

Ben learns the truth about Riley's paternity. Riley invites everyone to deal with Danny's estate. Tucker complicates things for the new mother.

 **T.V. Guide Preview 6.13 "Kumblahya"**

Brad and Riley's aunt Margot become concerned about tensions within the gang, so they make everyone take part in a New Age ritual. Danny meets a new spiritual guide as he waits to learn his ultimate fate.


	6. 612 When There's No Will, There's No Way

**When There's No Will, There's No Way**

 _Intro_

[From 6.10] "It's a girl" the obstetrician said to Riley

[From 6.11] Bonnie: "Oh good Ben. You managed to tell Riley that Danny died in the plane crash."

[From 6.11] Riley: "Ben, I think you might be Ruth's father."

"Ben?" Riley asked.

Although he had been standing just an instant before, Ben was now sprawled on the floor. With some difficulty, he now spoke in a dull monotone. "Oh-I-am-on-the-floor. That-is-so-odd. I-am-not-usually-on-the-floor. I-suppose-I-should-get-up."

 _Intro Music_

Riley impatiently helped Ben off the floor. "Did it only occur to you _now_ that you might be Ruth's father?"

"You're one to talk. Usually you break this kind of news eight months before the baby is born, not eight days after."

"Answer my question."

Ben took a breath. "I thought it when I realized Emma had punctured my condoms. Actually I first thought Sam might be pregnant. Then I thought it might be you as well."

"What about Miss Gilchrist?"

"What about her?"

"You didn't give a thought about the other woman who you were dating, and who you might have gotten pregnant? Really, Ben you are a piece of work!"

"No. It's that when I told her how I made Emma she first insisted I use her condoms. Then she started talking about having a baby, and I tactfully decided not to have sex with her after that."

"Oh. But you still should have told me! Instead you bullied Danny against his better judgement into not telling us at all!"

"That is NOT what I did. Danny was fully on...look that's beside the point. When you told me you weren't pregnant, and then you told Danny in front of everyone he was the father, I thought I wasn't the one...What makes you even think I might be Ruth's father?"

"Well the two week gap between my due date and when I actually had Ruth matches the two week gap between I used punctured condoms with the two of you. More to the point, Ruth has your eyes." Ruth was sleeping at the moment, so Riley took out her cellphone. "OK, there has to be a photo here where she isn't sleeping. Or crying. Just a minute. Hold on. Just be patient. I do actually have one. I'm not just saying that since it is so not true that my daughter is always miserable. Ah here we go! See?"

"Riley, she has your eyes. They're the same colour."

"You're not looking hard enough. Those little flecks of yellow in the iris are yours."

"I have little flecks of yellow in my iris?"

"Haven't you ever noticed them?"

"I don't really look deeply into my own eyes. Hold on there's a mirror over there." He peered into them. "Oh, there they are." Then he realized the full import of it. "Oh!"

"You see?! You see?!"

Just then Ben realized something. "That song! That Smiths song! Now I remember why I keep hearing it! It was the song that was playing when we..." But just then Riley shut his mouth with her hand.

Now she was whispering. "Ben, do you know how many times I've had sex with three men in as many weeks? Don't speak, just nod or shake your head." Ben shook his head. "Well that was literally the only time that ever happened. You are literally the only one-night stand I've had in my entire life..."

"Does it count as a one night stand when you pushed me out of your apartment before 10 in the evening?"

"Ben, focus! And if it turns out that Danny is the father, absolutely nobody else needs to know about it. So don't tell anyone. I'll break the news, if there's any to break, when I find out in a few days."

Ben nodded. "OK, this is still a bit much to take. Let me think. OK, if I am Ruth's father I should be helping taking care of her. And if Danny's the father, I should still be helping take care of her, since Danny can never do so. So, either way I should be looking after Ruth for the rest of the day."

"Oh could you? That would be so wonderful! She hasn't been out of my sight since she left the hospital. OK, everything you need is in the crib. And I should tell you that Ruth cries a _lot._ Much much more than other babies. There isn't anything actually wrong with her, but she is very loud and it's very alarming and stressful! Have a nice day!"

Early one morning a few days later, Danny and Angel Joe Rogan were in a room at Riley's law firm. There was a table at the front, and a couple of rows of chairs facing it. Danny was still a bit confused. "This isn't going to be like _Heaven Can Wait?"_

"Not remotely."

"Oh, that's good." There was a brief silence. "Could you tell me what actually happens in _Heaven Can Wait_? I don't remember it very well. Amy liked the movie a lot. So I remember Warren Beatty in heaven. And then I must have tuned out because he was then meeting Julie Christie. Then there was this gunfight in a snow storm. Then Richard Nixon was elected president. Then me and Amy had sex." Danny paused for a minute. "That last bit wasn't part of the movie."

"Well, it's good that you made that clear. No, in _Heaven Can Wait_ Beatty's character is brought to heaven before he actually dies. So the afterlife has to find him a new body. In your case you actually did die. Ordinarily you would then enter the afterlife. But for some reason that has been delayed."

"Maybe I'm supposed to send someone a message."

"No. That's strictly forbidden. Oh wait, people are arriving." And indeed they were. Ben arrived with Emma and the sat in the front row. Tucker joined them sitting beside Emma, while Bonnie and Brad arrived. Bonnie sat beside Ben, with Brad behind her. Mrs. Perrin and Riley's sister Rebecca joined Brad in the back row. Finally Ben's father and Bonnie's first husband Ray sat in the back row as well. Shortly afterwards Riley came in with a briefcase in one hand and a bassinet holding Ruth in the other. She sat down at the table facing everyone.

"Hi Baby Ruth!" Emma loudly welcomed.

"Emma dear," Riley asked with clear desperation in her voice, "it's really important not to upset Ruth. She needs to sleep a lot, and it's not good to wake her. Ever." Ben motioned Emma to sit down. Suddenly Tucker started crying.

"What's wrong Tucker?" Riley asked.

"Your pen is blue. Mother occasionally wore blue!" And he burst into tears.

"Ummm...OK, we are here today to deal with the estate of Daniel Mellencamp Wheeler." Riley opened her briefcase and started taking out various papers. "And actually dealing with the estate has given me something productive to focus over the stressful few days."

"Yes, it was so considerate of Danny to die so you would have this healing opportunity," Rebecca snarked. Mrs. Perrin motioned her to be quiet. Riley continued. "Basically Danny's worldly goods fell into three categories. There were the benefits as part of his hockey player contract. There was his bar, governed by the contract he had with Ben. And finally there was his estate. I'll deal with each in these in turn. As part of his contract, Danny had both a life insurance policy and a 401k. When he first got these he had to name a beneficiary, and the beneficiary he named was you, Mrs. Wheeler." Riley handed Bonnie some documents. "Wow! That is a lot of money," Brad said, looking at the insurance documents over Bonnie's shoulder.

"The second worldly good was the bar. Basically Danny bought the bar, and he and Ben ran it. But since Danny was a professional hockey player, Ben actually did most of the managing. When Danny bought the bar, the contract I drew up for him had a survivorship clause. If Danny died, ownership of the bar would go to Ben. But since this was Ben's only real asset, Ben insisted on, and got, a clause saying that his half of the bar would be held in trust for Emma until she turned 21, which would be managed by her guardian, yours truly."

"Wait, you're Emma's guardian? Since when?" Bonnie asked.

"Since when you got engaged to Brad actually. I thought about writing a clause that would give Danny's share to his unborn child. But Danny wanted to wait until Ruth was born to actually write it."

"So let me get this straight," Tucker interrupted. "Ben gets the entire bar, even though Danny was the one who put up all the money to buy it. And Ruth doesn't get anything? That doesn't seem fair."

"You might think so. But it's not so bad. That will become clearer once I explain Danny's estate. This includes his bank accounts, his last paycheck from the Rangers, money from a couple of endorsement deals, a motorboat that he bought with his first paycheck and which has been in dry dock for the past three years, and all his other material possessions. Now Danny didn't have a will..."

"Why not?" Ben wondered. "I mean I can imagine him not writing a will. Emma was nearly two by the time I wrote up a will for her. But I think you would go out of your way to make sure he had one."

"Yes, I would have. Except wills become invalid once you are married. So we decided to wait until after that happened."

"That's right! Riley specifically told me to wait before I wrote a will," Danny realized. "She must have delayed it so she could have all my estate for herself!"

"Really? And what were you going to do with your will?" Angel Joe Rogan asked.

"Oh, I was going to give everything to her and the baby."

"Ah. Well, clearly she has a mind like a steel trap."

"Anyway Danny's estate is decided by intestacy laws." Ben chuckled at this to himself, "Like testicles." Riley frowned, took out an eraser from her briefcase and threw it at Ben. "Ow!" he said as it bounced off his head and landed back on the table. "Basically, intestacy laws allot the estate to categories of people. If there's a spouse, he or she gets everything. If there's no spouse, the child or children get it all. Then parents, then siblings and then other relatives."

"Wait a minute. What do I get?" Tucker wondered.

"Nothing. You don't get anything."

"Not even the stash of porn I've been hiding from you for more than a year? Damn."

"Anyway, ordinarily the estate would go to his wife. But he wasn't married. So we go to the next category."

"Hold on," Ben interrupted. "What about common law wife?"

"First, I wasn't his common law wife, I was his fiancée. Second, New York doesn't recognize common law marriage. So we then go to Danny's children, or child. Ordinarily Ruth would get everything. But there's a complication."

"You mean the fact Ruth was born out of wedlock?" Mrs. Perrin asked.

"No, the law allows for that."

"Oh, you mean the fact Danny died a few hours before Ruth was born," Ben pointed out.

"No, the law allows for posthumous children as well."

"Was there some problem with Danny not making clear Ruth was his child?" Bonnie wondered.

"No." And then Riley winced, and felt the wince turning into a grimace. "You see Ruth can't inherit anything from Danny if Danny wasn't...actually her father. Which...as it turns out, he wasn't."

Bonnie was stunned. "Are you telling me that this beautiful baby isn't my grandchild!?"

"No. She very definitely is your grandchild. Except instead of being Danny's daughter, she's actually the daughter of, well, your other son." As the others looked at her in amazement, Riley weakly put her best face on it. "Surprise!"

 _Act 2_

Everyone was still startled, so Riley continued. "So, on the one hand I deceived my best friend and the most wonderful man I have ever known. But on the plus side Ruth is no longer an orphan!"

Rebecca was the first to speak. Or more accurately, laugh. "Oh, this is priceless! This is absolutely hilarious! You spend years moping after the lame loser brother. Then you finally realize the rich, hotter brother is the one for you. And then you get knocked up by the loser one!" She couldn't stop laughing, and Mrs. Perrin had to order her out of the room. Bonnie seemed stunned. "Oh.-This-is-a-pickle. This-is-so-strange. How-very-odd." The others looked at her. Then she suddenly lunged at Ben and started to throttle him. "How could you do this!? You miserable rat! How could you stab your own brother in the back!?"

"Mrs. Wheeler!"

Brad intervened. "Bonnie, I know you're angry! You're hurting, and we're all angry at Ben. But doing this won't bring Danny back."

Bonnie relented. "You're right" and she released her grip on Ben's throat. Then she rashly changed her mind. "It's worth a shot!" And she started to choke Ben again. Tucker, Brad, and Ray managed to pull her off Ben. She was still very, very angry. "Explain yourself! What on earth were you thinking?!"

Ben was still trying to recover. "Maybe he can speak better, once he's able to breathe." Tucker pointed out. There was a pitcher of water on the desk and Riley poured some, and Tucker gave it to Ben. Ben managed to sip some.

Bonnie was staring directly at him. "Now tell me how this happened."

"I think we can imagine _how_ it happened." Mrs. Perrin sneered.

"I don't mean the actual conception. How long were you skulking behind Danny?! Were you laughing behind his back the whole time Riley was pregnant?! Were you plotting against him the minute since my wedding?!"

"It wasn't like that."

"What did you do?! Did you get Riley drunk?! Did you blackmail her?! Did you trick Danny?"

"What happened between me and Riley is none of your business!"

"OH, IT IS ABSOLUTELY MY BUSINESS! YOU WILL PAY FOR THIS! YOU WILL REGRET THIS FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!" Bonnie raged getting out of her chair. Tucker and Brad had not only never seen her so angry, they had never been so intimidated before. Mrs. Perrin and Ray, who had known her much longer, had never been so alarmed to be in her presence. Danny, the ostensible subject of her concern, stepped back and even Angel Joe Rogan was intimidated. Emma had hidden herself under the table. Only Ben resisted his mother's wrath, and this only goaded her more...

"Mrs. Wheeler, please! It wasn't Ben's fault."

Bonnie sat down. "Explain," in a tone so icy that Tucker flinched.

"You remember when me and Danny broke up over Sam. And you remember that I went back to Ross, but then realized I was wrong to do so. So I asked Ben to help break up with him in return for helping him break with Ms. Gilchrist. And we did. And we were in my apartment to celebrate. And I made the move on him. It was entirely my idea."

Bonnie scowled at Riley with cold skepticism. "Go on."

"And when we finished, I almost immediately realized that what I had done was wrong. I realized that if Danny found out this would ruin everything. That is what I criticized him for his hook-up with Sam. So as soon as we got dressed I swore Ben to silence and pushed him out the door. I didn't even let him finish his wine." Riley was unable to speak anymore and the others just looked at her.

"Why didn't you tell us this earlier?" Tucker asked.

"Well, I thought that it was more probable that it was Danny."

"Because he had more of an opportunity?" Tucker leered. Riley took out a notepad from her briefcase, and threw it at Tucker. "Well, obviously. And it appeared to be my more fertile period. And I thought that Mrs. Wheeler lost her earring for only a week, which meant that only Danny could have used the pierced condoms. But when she suggested otherwise..."

[From 6.06] Riley: _"Yeah, great. How ironic that you should lose them for a week."_

Bonnie: _"Oh, I didn't lose them for a week. I lost them for three..."_

"...I thought it might be possible that it might be Ben. So I got a DNA sample from Ben..."

[From 6.08] Ben: " _Do you know what happened to the beer I was just drinking?_ "

'...but the clinic lost the sample...

[From 6.09] Riley: " _Oh just more medical stuff. Basically me and the baby are fine, but somebody lost a couple of samples and I have to go back and do some more tests._ "

"...and I was only able to confirm it now. Oh, here's the report Ben." And she handed it to him. "Also, here are the basics of the estate Mrs. Wheeler, which you share equally with your first husband." Ray looked over Bonnie's shoulder. "Wow! That is more money than I thought Danny had."

But Bonnie was not happy. Not remotely. "When you first heard that you might be pregnant, you took a test, and you got a false negative. That was because you took it too early. But if you conceived Ruth when you say you did, you shouldn't have got a false negative. Unless, you had sex with Ben more than once."

"Ah." And Riley was still extremely uncomfortable. "Well, it turns out that my menstrual cycle was uneven, and my usual birth control was complicating matters. That's why I wasn't on it. It also meant that my fertile period was wrong, and explains the false negative. Actually I have a report on it." And she placed another paper in Bonnie's skeptical hands.

"Is that what actually happened?" Danny asked.

"What? Oh yeah, she is telling the truth. That is the only time they ever had sex." Angel Joe Regan replied.

There was an awkward silence as Ben took in the news, and Bonnie glared at the report she was reading, and the others shifted uncomfortably in their seats. Ben broke it. "If I'm the father, shouldn't I have some say in the name?"

"I was in labor for twenty hours! And do you know how much paperwork would be involved in changing it?!"

"Well...this couldn't be more awkward." Tucker pointed out.

Ben stood up. "I'm sorry. After everything that's happened, this doesn't appear entirely real. If you could all you give me a minute alone with my new daughter please." The others got up and left, with Bonnie still scowling and Riley peering anxiously as she left the room last. Ben looked at Ruth. "OK, the first thing is that it's a good thing you're asleep, since the one thing I learned from my afternoon from you is that you cry a _lot_. I know you can't help it, but it makes this talk a lot easier. I mean this heart to heart kind of loses the point if you're not actually hearing it. But let's begin. I didn't want it to be like this. If I had known 18 months ago, that you would be here 18 months in the future, I'd have been ecstatic. I mean, I'd probably be surprised. And really panicky. But I'd be so happy. I mean I'd be happy because I'd be with your mother. I wanted to choose to have you, that for once I wasn't being horny and stupid and thoughtless. And it turns out that I've blown it again. Because what I've done is hurt my brother. And the only reason I haven't broken his heart is because he's dead. And there's no way for me to make it right."

All this time Danny was approaching Ben and reached out to touch him. But since he was insubstantial, he just went through him. He waved his hand through Ben's unknowing body, until Angel Joe Rogan slapped his hand. "Stop that!"

"If it had gone the way everyone thought it was going, you'd have two wonderful parents who love you. Well, now you still have two parents who love you. They just feel really really guilty. And I don't know if that's going to go away, or even if it should. But the key thing to know right now is that you are my number one priority."

"Ahem!"

"Emma, are you hiding under the table?"

"Grandma says that hiding and listening to what people really think can be fun!"

"Well you're equally important to me as well. It's just that Ruth is a lot smaller and needs a lot more help." He picked up the bassinet and with Emma left the room. Outside he handed the bassinet awkwardly to Riley. As they all started to leave Ben's father whispered in his ear "Don't give up."

Later that day, Ben was working in the early evening when Tucker came in, having brought Emma from daycare. After directing Emma to the backroom, Tucker sat at the bar and started to cry.

"What's wrong?"

"I remember the many times my mother told me that drinking alcohol was wrong-" and he started drinking the beer Ben had put in front of him, "-and how I was failing to do the right thing." He quickly gulped down the beer, while still blatantly crying. "Wow, it is sure warm for April."

"It actually isn't."

"Anyway, get another beer ready for me. Now where was I? Oh, yeah, Mom said that drinking was a diversion of my many many talents, and I was so disappointing to her. I miss her so much!" And he burped a little. "The one thing that consoles me-" and he was still weeping, "-was that I'm so much more mournful that you are over your own brother."

Ben decided to ignore this and turned on the TV. "Oh, turn to channel 16!" Tucker demanded. To Ben's surprise he saw a crowd of people outside their apartment building meeting a very awkward Riley. "What's going on?"

"Oh yeah. During the funerals I told some of my friends in journalism about Danny, and they've been running stories on his fatherless child. So people having been donating toys and gifts for Ruth and they're giving them to her today."

"But Riley can't take these gifts, since Ruth is my daughter!"

"Well she should have thought of that before I decided to surprise her with them!"

Live on television, Riley was pleading the crowd not to give them their gifts. "Look, thank you, but I don't need your charity."

"Don't consider this charity. Consider it a sign of our appreciation for Danny Wheeler." one mother with two elementary school age children said.

"No, really, I can't take them."

Ben watched the screen with horror, while Tucker looked on smugly. "You know. I always thought she didn't treat your brother with enough respect. This serves her right for sleeping around."

Ben gave a Tucker a brief slap. "Hey!" But then Riley said on screen. "Danny Wheeler is not my daughter's father. There's all been a terrible misund..." But at that point one of the spokesmother's children threw an egg at her. Then another.

"Oh hell! Tucker, watch Emma!" And Ben rushed out of the bar.

 _Act 3_

The good news was that in the seven minutes it took for Ben to dash to the apartment building the crowd had not gone out of control. The bad news was that Mary Hart had arrived on the scene and was seriously debating over where to turn the crowd into a lynch mob. "I'm Mary Hart, and today an angry crowd is besieging Riley Perrin, who lied to her professional hockey player boyfriend about the child she had with another man. Should they viciously attack her? Call now with your opinion!"

"OK, break it up!" Ben declared.

"Do I know you?" Hart asked. "Yes. You're my gardener's nephew!"

"No, I'm not!"

"What are you doing here Julio?"

"He's the man who cuckolded Danny Wheeler!" a voice from the crowd shouted.

"He stabbed his own brother in the back!" another voice yelled. Three eggs hit Ben simultaneously.

"Please stop this!" Riley pleaded.

"Look, you're attacking the mother of a child who's only two weeks old!" Ben remonstrated.

"He's right." Hart agreed. "Should the crowd attach him instead viewers?"

Several more eggs struck Ben. "Danny Wheeler was so sweet!" someone in the crowd shouted. "Do you know that he played charity hockey games for Darfur refugees?"

"What?" Ben wondered, when another egg struck him.

"I didn't know I did that. Yay me!" Danny said, watching the whole scene with Angel Joe Rogan.

"Mom, you really have to stop lying about Danny's achievements!" Yet another egg hit him. "Tell your kids to stop throwing eggs at me!" he shouted to the spokeswoman.

"That's right! We should throw harder things at him!"

"Do you think the crowd is going to hurt Riley?" Danny asked.

"I don't think so. Their anger is focused on Ben now."

"Oh. That's not good." He paused. "Remind me in a couple of minutes to care."

A compact case hit Ben's forehead, cutting him. "Look, one of you could hit Riley or Ruth and really hurt her."

"No, I won't," Bonnie said, since it was she who threw the compact. "I have excellent aim!" She threw her keys at Ben, who successfully ducked. "MOM!"

"Ben, stop being a wimp! And stay still!"

"OK, break it up!" a policeman said. The mob and Mary Hart reluctantly left. Riley ran to Bonnie to give her keys back. "We really do appreciate the thought," she said to the departing crowd.

The policeman approached Ben, who held a napkin to his head. "I just want to say that I'm a big hockey fan. I've been watching Danny Wheeler for years, and while I don't know how this happened, and while your sex life is actually none of my business, I condemn you completely for what you did." He glared at Ben menacingly. "You're lucky my superior only cares about basketball."

Back in Riley's apartment, the two were on her couch and Riley was looking at Ben's wound. "Ow!" he said as she applied some iodine.

"Well the good news is that the cut looks worse than it actually is. A bandage should do." She applied one, and then sat back. "Thank you for standing up for me."

"Anytime."

"Well, now everyone in the city hates us."

"I think most New Yorkers have the good sense not to take Mary Hart too seriously. This'll blow over." Ben sighed. "You could have given me a heads up before you broke the news."

"I did give you a heads up! I told you days before that you might be the father."Riley looked at her baby. "I'm sorry, I should have handled this better. But I had to tell the others that you were the father. I could be disbarred for fraud otherwise. And I genuinely thought that the best time to break it to your mother was when giving her very large sums of money. Hell of a time to find that didn't work." She chuckled a little. "Well now we have to talk about us."

"OK, I am 100% behind Ruth."

"I know that, Ben. I never doubted that."

"OK, and as for us us, whatever you want, whatever you need..." But Ben then realized that there wasn't going to be an us us. "No. I'm sorry. If Ruth was Danny's daughter and he had died, and you asked six months from now to marry me...I'd probably say yes. Because I know that you love me. And if Danny had died in some freak accident, like dropping a radio in the water while taking a bath, I'd probably say yes, because it would be the right thing to do. But I can't change the fact that the only reason Danny was on that plane was because he was trying to come back and see his son. If I told him the truth that wouldn't have happened. I can't forgive myself for that. Maybe someday there will be a man who can forgive me. But I know it can never be you."

Ben nodded. "I understand" he said, almost hiding his disappointment. "OK, it's time to put Emma to bed. I'll see you and Ruth early tomorrow." As he closed the door to Riley's apartment and walked slowly to his own, Ben was watched by Danny and Angel Joe Rogan. Danny was sad. "I wish that, eventually, Riley could be happy. And I wish that Ben could be happy, a few months later. And if there was some way that it didn't make Ruth's life miserable, I really wish they wouldn't be happy together."

Angel Joe Rogan nodded "You might get your wish."

Tucker greeted Ben. "I helped put Emma to bed. She's waiting for you."

"Thanks Tucker. I'll see her shortly."

"I saw what happened on TV. And I just want to say, that if I had been there, and if I wasn't so short and so puny, I totally would have been there to kick your ass."

"Thanks Tucker." Ben entered his bedroom. He opened the top drawer of his wardrobe. There was a small chamber that required a key. He opened it and took a small box from his jeans pocket. He opened, looked sadly at the engagement ring he had bought today, then closed it and locked the chamber.

 _Coda_

At Riley's law firm, Ms. Thomasina Margaret Jensen was working at her desk when her colleague Palladino knocked on the door. "Come in."

Palladino looked nervous. "OK, our glorious new President has helped delay white collar crime investigations. But in a couple of months we are still going to need a scapegoat. Now remember when you said we couldn't use Riley Perrin because a newborn mother would be too sympathetic?" He switched on the TV: there was a report about the fracas outside of Ben and Riley's apartment building.

"Thank you bringing this to my attention, Palladino."

 **T.V. Guide Preview 6.13 "Kumblahya"**

Brad and Riley's aunt Margot become concerned about tensions within the gang, so they make everyone take part in a New Age ritual. Danny meets a new spiritual guide as he waits to learn of his ultimate fate.

 **TV Guide Preview 6.14 "9 1/2 Weeks Later"**

Sam returns into Ben's life as Riley sets him up on a date with her, with the expectation that Ben will find a date for Riley. Bonnie and Tucker both want to take their dates to an exclusive new restaurant.


	7. Chapter 7 613 Kumblahya

**Kumblahya**

 _Intro_

Despite Bonnie's continuing anger at Ben and Riley, Riley's apartment was full of birthday gifts for Ruth. "Wow! Mom is really generous!" Danny said.

Angel Joe Rogan was more skeptical. "Considering it's your money she's spending, I'm not that impressed."

Just then Ben entered with Emma. "Hey Riley..." and then he noticed unfamiliar music in the air. "What is this?"

Riley appeared from near the CD player. "Well you know how good parents play classical music for their babies, like Mozart and Bach?"

"I've never done that."

"Exactly. But Ruth is going to have it all the time! Today we're listening to Gluck's _Orfeo and Eurydice_." They listened to the opera for a few seconds and then Ruth started crying again. "This is all your genes' fault." Riley complained sourly.

Ruth's crying didn't stop, as Riley took her up and tried to quiet her. Just then Tucker came in. "Wow, what a lot of swag! This is a lot more than Emma got."

Emerging from Riley's bedroom Mrs. Perrin smugly replied "Well that's what happens when you have two sets of grandparents instead of one. And when one of those grandmothers is actually responsible and thoughtful." Just then Riley's Aunt Margot emerged from the bathroom. "I never knew that you valued me that much. That means so..." but Jennifer Perrin covered her mouth and shook her head.

"Please stop crying," Riley whimpered. "BE QUIET RUTH!" Emma shouted. Ben immediately took her aside. "Emma, first rule about your sister. Don't shout at her. That does not help. And if you keep doing it you'll get a time out!"

Just then Bonnie arrived. "Who's going to spend her day with her grandmother?" "Me! Me! Me!" and the two quickly left.

"You are so lucky to have two grandmas helping you out," Tucker muttered. "Especially since neither respect you, nor do you deserve their respect."

Once in the elevator, Bonnie stood down to talk to Emma. "You're such a good little girl Emma. But your father has been very bad. He's been very naughty. Would you like to play a trick on him?"

 _Act 1_

 _Julia, sleeping sand, silent cloud, touch me  
So I sing a song of love, Julia  
Hum hum hum hum... calls me  
So I sing a song of love for Julia, Julia, Julia _

Ben was in his apartment, singing to Ruth in her bassinet, when Riley came in. She was about to ask for something when she realized something. "She's actually smiling. Two things. You got Ruth to stop crying! I could kiss you!" She then recollected herself: "Second, who's Julia?" snapping back into jealously mode.

"It's the name of the song. From the Beatles?"

"Couldn't you simply replace Julia with Ruth?"

"I tried that, but if it doesn't have the right number of beats, Ruth cries. And 'Ruth Wheeler' and 'Riley P' don't scan. It's kind of odd; Emma is clearly an _Abbey Road_ girl. She loves 'Here Comes the Sun,' and I always sing 'Octopus's Garden' in the bath. Ruth appears to be more of a White Album baby. I think 'Blackbird' and 'Good Night' are promising."

'Huh." Riley counted in her head. "You know, 'from Benjamin' instead of 'for Julia' scans better." Then she bit her lip.

Tucker came in. "What's up?"

"The good news is that Ruth likes the Beatles." Ben answered. Tucker burst into tears. "What's the matter?"

"Mom! She was largely indifferent towards and vaguely contemptuous of them. Why did you have to bring me those strong memories back Ben?"

At the same time, if time is the right way to describe the afterlife world Danny was in, Angel Joe Rogan made an announcement. "Danny, this is where I leave you."

"You mean I'm finally going to enter the afterlife?"

"Uhh, no. I can't actually help you, so I'm turning you over to two people who actually know more than me." He motioned to two women who had entered. The first was short, blonde, and attractive, and indeed looked exactly like Crystal Bernard did twenty years ago wearing a suit. She smiled and showed genuine compassion and affection for Danny's plight. The second was also short, was clearly Angel Crystal Bernard's aide, and looked exactly like Kristen Schaal. As one might imagine, she was skeptical and clearly thought she had better things to do with her time. "I think you will like your new guide." Angel Joe Rogan said to Danny, and gave the afterlife's version of a roguish wink.

"I don't follow."

"Short. Blonde. Attractive. A Career Woman."

"I don't get it."

"She even had a weight problem as a kid."

"Hey! That was literally a lifetime ago." Angel Crystal Bernard objected.

"I'm sorry, but I don't see what you're hinting."

"Why should you?" Angel Kristen Schaal snidely asked. "After all, most of the women you dated were both taller and had larger boobs."

Angel Crystal Bernard motioned her aide to be quiet. She shook Danny by the hand. "You should say goodbye to your old guide first."

Danny turned and saw Angel Joe Rogan fade away. "Hey! Have fun."

"Mr. Wheeler you're probably wondering why you haven't crossed over yet."

"Hmm. Maybe it's because people love me so much I can't leave."

"Yeah right. Because nobody loved all the billions of other people who died." Angel Kristen Schaal snarked.

"Actually Mr. Wheeler, we don't think it's about something you did." Angel Crystal Bernard said. "We think you haven't passed over because of something that is going to happen."

A couple of days later Ben and Tucker were at their kitchen table going over their bills. Tucker looked over his bills and was adding them up with a calculator. Then he started crying. "Let me guess, your mother introduced you to basic accounting. Or taught you basic math?"

"You know me so well Ben." and he buried his face in his hands. Just then Brad knocked on the door. "Hi guys, can I...what's the matter with Tucker?"

"Doing the accounts, it's an emotional moment for him. Bonnie and Emma should be back in the next fifteen minutes, so make yourself at home." Brad sat down at the couch, while Ben sighed. "Something wrong?" Tucker asked.

"I thought Ruth was doing better, and she is. But for the past couple of days Emma has been unusually bratty. She's whining, refusing to go to bed, being especially finicky about her food."

The boys looked over the bills. "You haven't paid your share of the bills." Tucker noted.

"I know. Look, I'll pay you at the end of the month."

"Why don't you pay me now? The bar seems to be doing well, and you're not sharing anything with Danny now."

"Tucker, it's my bar. It's not my personal piggy bank. If I take money from it every time I wanted, I'd go bankrupt, and me and Emma would have nothing. It's just that there are a lot of upfront expenses with Ruth."

"Let me see that." And Tucker snatched up the notebook where Ben recorded his expenses.

"See, I am genuinely running short. But I'll be good at the end of the month."

Tucker peered over it skeptically. "You know, you should be more specific than 'Baby expenses,' this huge entry you made the day you found out you were Ruth's father. And we still need a roommate to replace Danny."

"Do we have to? I mean Emma has her own room. And she'll four in less than four months. She can't come back to my room. Especially now that Ruth has her crib."

Brad spoke up. "You know, Tucker, if you and Riley swapped rooms, that would make everything easier for everyone."

"There's one flaw in that plan," Tucker objected. "THIS IS MY APARTMENT!"

Brad pondered this. "Actually Ben, I wanted to ask you a question before Bonnie arrived."

"Shoot."

"Well, me and Bonnie haven't had sex since Danny died. And I was wondering whether you could give me any tips."

"Umm...wow. I mean, we're not prudes, but when Mom shows her sexuality, I often run away screaming. Uh, why don't you ask your own relatives about that?"

"Ben, that would be incredibly inappropriate! But since you're clearly selfish and amoral, I thought you might have special insight."

Ben bristled at this insult, but tried to think about the question. "Well, Mom's clearly still mourning Danny. And maybe she'd feel better about Danny if she wasn't always angry with me."

Tucker put down the bills he was working in. "That is so selfish and self-interested of you Ben! It also makes sense, but you should be ashamed of yourself." Just then Bonnie entered with Emma. "We're back from a lovely day!"

Emma scooted to her room, previously Danny's, but Ben halted Bonnie. "Mom, have you noticed something wrong with Emma?"

"What do you mean sweetie?"

"Have you noticed her being ruder, or naughtier or just more stubborn than usual?"

"I haven't noticed anything wrong with her. She's still the wonderful angel she's always been."

"Huh." Bonnie walked to Emma's room. "It's working perfectly! Your father doesn't suspect a thing! So, here's your candy for helping. Oh! I've just got another idea. Show me your wrist Emma.' Emma did so and Bonnie started to pinch it. "Nod when it begins to hurt." Emma soon did. "OK, here's an idea. I want you to gently pinch your new sister. Just enough to make her cry."

"Isn't that bad?"

"No, no. It's...healthy for babies to cry! You just have to be careful not to have either your father or your Aunt Riley catch you."

"Yes, you do indeed." Bonnie looked up to find Ben scowling at her.

 _Act 2_

Shortly afterwards, Riley was changing Ruth's diaper when her mother and her aunt came in. "I see that you're doing that by yourself." Mrs. Perrin noted. "Gee, who was surprised by _that_ division of labour."

"Yeah, it's such a shame that the two of you aren't together." Aunt Margot seconded.

Jennifer Perrin glared at her sister as they both sat down. "I told you that we want to be in the pleasant situation where Ben isn't doing enough, but he and Riley aren't actually getting closer." she whispered.

"Mom, if I need Ben to do more than he's already doing, I just have to go across the hall and ask. Or call him at the bar. He's been completely reasonable."

"Except your standards about Ben have been all too low on occasion." Mrs. Perrin gibed. At that point Ben and Bonnie's ferocious arguing could be heard from across the hall. There was a door slammed and the wrathful stride of Bonnie could be heard before she opened Riley's door and proclaimed, quite insincerely and barely repressing her anger, "Hello, everyone! How was your day?"

"Well, I got to spend the day with my sister!" Mrs. Perrin grumbled. "So I had to listen to her prattle about the glorious abilities of dowsing, the Mayan origins of the Druids, and how vaccines are all a dangerous plot by Big Pharma."

"There's a lot of evidence that show vaccines cause autism." Margot objected.

Mrs. Perrin rolled her eyes. "Yes. It comes from people who think I have too many grandchildren."

"You never take any of my beliefs seriously!"

"Perhaps you could try a little harder, Mom" Riley suggested.

"You're right dear," Mrs. Perrin 'agreed' in a tone that showed she was clearly being sarcastic. "If only there was a way to distinguish the inoffensive fairy tales about the Christians hiding in Roman catacombs and the green pearl that arose when someone sacrificed himself for true love, and the X-Rated garbage about what it's like to have sex with Neptunians who oddly all look like Chippendale dancers, except that they're blue."

"But I've been told Neptunian sex is a deep spiritual experience." Margot pleaded.

"Yes, it's amazing how your irresponsible sex life is always of great transcendental..." But just Bonnie burst up from where she was sitting and yelled at Riley. "You're a horrible person!"

"I beg your pardon?" Mrs. Perrin objected.

Bonnie ignored her. "Everything you have ever had you had because of Danny! Without his friendship you'd just be the fat ugly unpopular girl that everyone properly hated! But you're so stupid and selfish you completely ignored him for decades and..."

Mrs. Perrin jumped up. "You can't come up here and insult my daughter like that! First off, that's my job! Second, Danny had nothing to do with her getting a law degree, which is something you and your other idiot son can't get simply by being arrested lots of time. Third, you are an..."

Just then Ben strode in very angrily. "Mom, we are not done talking! What you've done is absolutely unacceptable!"

"You realize this _now_?"

"Riley, Mom has not only been encouraging Emma to be naughty just to make my life miserable, she was even encouraging her to pinch Ruth so that she would cry!"

"Mrs. Wheeler, how could you?" Riley pleaded.

"Mom, you have been deliberately sabotaging my authority!"

" _Your_ authority? _Your_ authority?! Ben, you would be nowhere as a parent, without my more than three years of incredibly loving parenting. I'm a better father than you are!"

Just then Brad came in. "Bonnie, I was just wondering... Oh we're doing this again."

(Five minutes later) Bonnie pointed her finger at Riley. "You're nothing but a hypocrite! You're more of a slut than I am. Actually you're much more since I'm not a slut at all."

Mrs. Perrin smirked. "Ah, the Wheelers, still unable to argue their way out a paper bag."

"Oh, shut up you vindictive old hag!"

(Five more minutes later) Now Tucker was ranting at them in the Wheeler apartment. "You are the most selfish girl I've ever met. You're whiny and creepy and have no charm and whatever."

"Oh yeah?" Riley argued back. "You're short and creepy and that why no woman likes you. You have less sex appeal than Urkel. No you have less sex appeal than Ted Cruz!"

"Those are fighting words!" Tucker sputtered ineffectively. All this time Brad and Margot had been wincing at the others.

(Five more minutes later) "You are never seeing either grand-daughter ever again! Or at least for the next couple of days when I have another late shift!" Ben yelled as he pushed Bonnie out the door, where Brad was waiting for her.

"Well, I wouldn't look after your worthless brats unless I really really wanted to!' she yelled defiantly at the door Ben slammed behind him. She fumed with frustration as Brad got the elevator. She was still irate when the doors closed behind them. "Bonnie, I think we need to do..." But just then Bonnie collapsed into tears and sobbed on Brad's shoulders. "I just miss Danny so much." She wept hard and silently as Brad tried to reassure her while the elevator descended.

Next day Brad was near the bar and noticed Margot nearby. "I remember you. You're Riley's aunt/actual mother."

"And I remember you. You're Bonnie's oldest son!"

"Uh no. I'm her husband, not her son."

"Huh. I thought it would be odd that she married you then. Oh right, she had three husbands and two sons. I get that confused."

Brad ignored this. "Look, my wife keeps arguing with her son, and your sister and your niece. They're just fighting all the time. I thought it was getting better, but it's gotten much much worse. We need some sort of intervention."

"I'm not comfortable with that word. It brings back bad memories. Margot, you're drinking too much. Margot, your marks are slipping. Margot, you shouldn't be stoned while you're breastfeeding Riley. It's such a bummer. No, I've got an idea from this New Age retreat that I was on a few years ago. And I think it might work!"

"I'm very open-minded. I feel that everything could work out if Ben could agree that he was completely at fault, and therefore didn't deserve happiness ever again!"

The day after, they were all at Ben's apartment. Margot was sitting in the centre of a circle. Sitting around her moving counter-clockwise were Brad, Bonnie, Ben, Tucker, Mrs. Perrin and Riley. "You're probably all wondering why you're here."

"Well we live here." Ben pointed out.

"And I live right across the hall." Riley noted.

"And I planned this all with you, so that's why me and Bonnie are here." Brad added.

"You stole my credit cards." Mrs. Perrin glumly pointed out.

Margot brushed all this aside. "We need to communicate. And I think the best way to do this is that whoever has the talk baby can do so." She reached for the bassinet holding Ruth. But then Ruth started crying, and Ben had to take her from Margot.

" _Half of what I say is meaningless/But I say it just to reach you, Julia._ " he sang.

"All right, instead of the talk baby, we'll have the talk toddler." She reached over and took Emma, who was playing nearby. But then Emma got up and went back to her room. "Let's try again. Maybe we start with a hum. We should all go 'Ommm!' And while we're doing that maybe we could pray."

"Oh dear God in heaven." her sister moaned.

"That's the spirit!"

It was then that Danny appeared with Angel Crystal Bernard and Angel Kristen Schaal. "Is this the event that is complicating my path to the afterlife?" Danny wondered.

"No." Angel Crystal Bernard replied. "But since your friends and family are all here, I thought maybe we could learn something."

Margot beamed proudly. "Let's start by dealing with the issues among us. We're going to talk in pairs, and deal with the issues we have with each other. Riley, why don't you start with Tyler."

"It's Tucker," Riley pointed out.

"Riley, now you understand that Tucker's wife just left him. Can you imagine how having you give birth to a child might only aggravate his inability to have one?"

"Uh, his wife didn't leave her. His mother just died." Riley corrected.

"Oh, so you and your wife can have a child whenever you want."

"I'm not married!"

"Then why are you upset at Riley?"

Brad interceded. "Let's think what we can do with Tucker's grief. What upsets you right now?"

"Actually I'm kind of mad that Bonnie took everything from Danny's estate."

"I'm sorry," Riley said. "But that's how the law works."

"I'm not at mad at you. I'm mad Mrs. Wheeler took all Danny's porn. I'm sure if he had time to think about it, he would have given it to me."

"I don't know." Danny said. "I probably would have given it to Mom."

"There's no need for you to have it, Mrs. Wheeler! It's not designed for you."

"That's not true. I can sell it. You can sell back issues of porn mags. And there are Danny fans who like them if they're, well, a bit sticky. Not that I'm going to judge them, especially the guy who gave me $40,000 for them."

"Forty thousand?!"

"Bonnie, that's terrific!" Brad enthused. "Everybody tells me you're too lazy and selfish to actually concentrate on anything! But that shows considerable initiative!" The two kissed each other tenderly.

Margot decided to move on. "OK, let's talk about Jennifer and Brad. Jenny, you go first."

"I barely know Brad; I don't care anything about him."

"I don't think you're contributing what you could to the discussion."

"I'm not angry at Brad. I'm mad, in the following order, at Ben for ruining Riley's life, for Riley for ruining her own life, and Bonnie, on general principle."

"Well, you'll have to wait your turn. Bonnie how do you feel about Ben?"

"How do I feel about Ben?" Bonnie mused. "I think this shows how I feel." And she looked into her purse, and took out a revolver. She aimed it at Ben and fired...

 _Act 3_

...a stream of black ink at Ben's shirt. "Mom!"

"You know I wanted to get a real gun and fire some blanks. But getting a real gun is so much hassle and work. Remember when I borrowed one and wanted to trick your father, but there was a real bullet in the chamber?"

"Oh yeah, that was funny!" Danny remembered, while Ben got up to change his shirt.

Danny turned to Angel Kristin Schaal, "So, Riley hasn't been saying much. Are you getting any closer to learning anything about her?"

"I'm curious about why she would be with your brother if you two had been so together so long."

"Oh we'd only been together for a few months."

"But I thought you'd been in love with her all your life."

"Oh yes. But I never actually told her this. It's actually a long story."

"Just a minute. I'm getting an update on your file. You spent a decade supposedly deeply in love with her, but instead of you, the strong confident professional athlete, confiding your feelings to her, the shy, often unpopular and farly lonely girl, you spent a decade sleeping with lots of other women."

"Well yeah..."

"What kind of moron are you!"

Angel Crystal Bernard rebuked her: "That's not how we speak to our clients!"

"I'm sorry, but this man is a nitwit! Why do people find this attractive?"

"OK, let's go back to Tucker and Riley." Margot said when Ben returned. "Riley, what do you think Tucker needs to do about his grief?"

Riley thought about it. "Tucker, I can't imagine what it would be like to lose a parent. But you can't just spend the rest of your life crying at the drop of a hat. You need to find a way to move on."

"You know, you're right. I do need to move on. It's sad that my mother died at a relatively young age. But I have a well paying job and great friends. Well adequate friends. What I need is a real love, and not just this pointless womanizing."

"Really? Well, what do you suggest you should do?"

"Oh I've already done it. I called Vanessa last night, and now we're back together. I know you all hated her. But since Danny's dead and I don't respect either of your opinions, I thought, what the heck." There was a knock on the door. Tucker got up and opened it. He gave Vanessa a deep kiss. "Don't wait up," he said as he closed the door behind him.

"You can just leave?" Mrs. Perrin asked.

"Jennifer, it's back to you. Why don't you talk about your problems with Brad?"

"My problems aren't with...oh, for heaven's sake. Margot, can I be frank with you?"

"This healing circle is dedicated to the free expression of opinion."

"Let's see. How can I best put this? Oh I know. YOU ARE AN IDIOT! You are not qualified to serve as a counselor! You don't know anything about the actual disputes we are having! You go around saying New Age bromides when you don't have a thought in your empty little head! And the worst thing of all is that is you are not qualified to be a parent, which is the whole reason why we are arguing with each other! Being knocked up for nine months by a loser while in high school does not make you Riley's mother! I'm the one who raised Riley! I'm the one who taught her the difference between right and wrong! I'm the one who nursed when she was sick while you spent your teens and twenties partying! Everything that is precious and admirable about me she owes to me and entirely to me!"

Having successfully browbeaten her sister, she then turned to Ben. "Now, can I go just a bit out of turn and discuss the Wheeler problem?"

"Uh, yeah. Go ahead." a chastened Margot agreed.

"Ben, if carrying Riley for nine months doesn't make Margot a mother, well five minutes or less of incompetent sex won't make you a father. You're just a name on a birth certificate."

"There's a three year old girl in the next room that says differently."

"That's only because her mother doesn't care for her. Only an accident would make you a father, because otherwise no woman would ever choose you. Well, Ruth has one side of family who deeply care for her, and another side that's disgusted by you. Two or three years from now Riley will have Ruth's real father, and you'll just be a name on child support cheques that fail to clear."

"She has my name."

"No." Bonnie interrupted. "She has your brother's name." All eyes turned to her. "What you've done can't be forgiven. You betrayed the brother who loved you and supported and who always had your back. Without him buying the bar, you'd be out on the street!"

"I didn't betray him. He and Riley weren't a couple at the time! And Riley made it clear I didn't start this!"

"You're just a womanizer. You will always be a loser compared to your brother!"

"Mom, don't go there!"

"Don't go there!? I am camping out and renting a lease and paying the mortgage on there! You honestly think you have the right to criticize me?!"

"Mom, you are perhaps the most sexually irresponsible woman I know!"

"As your stepfather, you are way out of line." Brad declared.

"I have made mistakes. But it's not easy being married to a homosexual like your father. I may have had lapses, but I have done nothing like what you did to your brother!"

"Mom, you broke up Aunt Vicky's marriage!"

There was a stunned silence. "That's not true."

"Aunt Victoria and I saw you with her husband dressed only in a bra and panties."

"That's...an exaggeration. I was also wearing a shirt."

"Which was unbuttoned!"

"Bonnie, is this true?" Brad asked.

"It's...more complicated than it appears."

"Three days after Aunt Vicky saw you she filed for divorce. And got it."

"So that's why Aunt Vicky is so mad at Mom." Danny realized. "Weird! If I hadn't been fooling around in the treehouse that night, I'd have realized that."

"I'm sorry. I knew you were wild Bonnie. But this...this goes beyond the pale." And Brad got up and left.

"Brad!" Bonnie turned to Ben. "Oh you think this is a cute trick! But this isn't about me and Vicky. Leaving aside the fact that Danny was a much better brother than Vicky was a sister, this is about you. This may look like a harmless fling to other people. But you know what you did was wrong!"

"You don't even like Riley! Why do you care who she ends up with?"

"This isn't about Riley!"

"No, it's never about me!" Riley muttered.

"Shut up. You knew that Riley and Danny were meant to be together."

"I didn't know that!"

"You should have! You should have known this would break his heart."

"I wasn't thinking about that!"

"That's not good enough Ben! What the hell were you thinking!"

"I was thinking the only woman I have ever loved actually loved me back for once! That's what I was thinking!" Bonnie didn't respond. "And I quickly realized I was wrong. Like I've always been."

After a moment Bonnie spoke up, a little more calmly. "All right. I don't respect you, and I don't forgive you Ben. But I'll help you raise Ruth and Emma and I'll keep my thoughts away from them."

"That sounds like a compromise we can work with!" Margot chimed in.

"Well, not really." Riley suggested.

"Well it's the best you're going to get," Bonnie pointed out. "Deal?"

"Deal." And they reluctantly shook hands as the circle broke up. All this time Angel Crystal Bernard was looking at them. "Interesting."

"You know something about my fate?" Danny asked.

"Not exactly. Sometimes you get a sort of impression, which you have to interpret. I have a colleague, who, if he understood the allusions to Rainer Maria Rilke, could make Portugal the richest country in the world. What I am hearing is that you are very lucky your brother loves Riley more than you."

Later that evening, Ben was closing up the bar when Riley walked up to him. "Riley! Who's watching Ruth?"

"My mother, just as yours is watching Emma. " She sat down at a table. "Well that was a disaster."

"Yeah. I hope Mom and Brad work things out."

"The worst thing was all this storm and thunder, and it didn't get around to talking about us."

"No," Ben agreed. He sat down at the table beside Riley. Neither of them noticed Angel Kristen Schaal watching them. "But then, there's not that much to talk about."

"Really?"

"No. We're raising a daughter together. But you're not raising the daughter from the unplanned pregnancy from the man you loved and who always loved you. You're raising the daughter from the unplanned pregnancy from a thoughtless fling with the boy you had a crush on and who you realized eight months before was never going to be the man you deserved. And we all have to live with that."

Ben sighed. Riley avoided his glance, then she started to cry. "Riley?" She grew more distressed and put her head in her hands.

"I can't go on like this. I feel so guilty! I can't forgive myself for what I did to Danny! And there's nothing I can do to make it better!"

She continued weeping. "Riley. Riley please." Ben reached out to touch her, without improving her mood. Then he began to sing to her:

 _If you twist and turn away  
If you tear yourself in two again  
If I could, yes I would  
If I could, I would  
Let it go  
Surrender  
Dislocate_

By this time, Ben had embraced Riley, and her still weeping head was on his shoulder.

 _If I could throw this lifeless lifeline to the wind  
Leave this heart of clay  
See you walk, walk away  
Into the night  
And through the rain  
Into the half-light  
And through the flame_

 _If I could through myself  
Set your spirit free, I'd lead your heart away  
See you break, break away  
Into the light  
And to the day_

Riley stopped crying and raised her head. "Wow! I feel a lot better. Thanks Ben." She kissed him and got up to return to her apartment.

Ben was startled. "What just happened?"

 _Coda_

Brad was working at his real estate business when an intern walked by and stopped to stare at him. "What is it Levinson?"

"Is something wrong sir?"

"Actually, I've been having problems with my wife. As you've heard, she's still mourning the death of her son from her first marriage. To make things even worse yesterday I learned about a shameful experience in her past. I'm going to be frank. This was alarming to hear, and it made me seriously question my marriage. But after due consideration, I remembered all that I valued and esteemed about her and our relationship, and found the strength to put this behind me."

"Oh. Actually sir, I was wondering why you weren't wearing any pants."

"Ah." And Brad drummed his fingers on his desk awkwardly. "Well, it turns out my wife also provided some _very_ convincing arguments."

Bonnie sneezed from the closet where she was hiding. "Levinson, could you open that filing cabinet, and hand my wife her clothes. There aren't that many."

 **TV Guide Preview 6.14 "9 1/2 Weeks Later"**

Sam returns into Ben's life as Riley sets him up on a date with her, with the expectation that Ben will find a date for Riley. Bonnie and Tucker both want to take their dates to an exclusive new restaurant.

 **TV Guide Preview 6.15 "Mystic Grifter."**

Bonnie is distressed that Ben and Riley might get back together. So she takes Riley to a fortune teller, while she blackmails Tucker into convincing Ben to stop pursuing Riley. Meanwhile, Danny eavesdrops on both conversations.


	8. Chapter 8 614 9 12 Weeks Later

**9 1/2 Weeks Later**

 _Intro_

The remaining weeks of Riley's four month maternity leave were pleasant ones. Ruth still cried more than most babies, but otherwise she was a healthy and normal child. She slowly grew as her parents looked after her, bathed her, took her to doctor's appointments and did a dozen other newborn baby things. Riley joined Ben in reading to Emma and had to make sure that she didn't play her toy drum near her sleeping sister. One Thursday in May when Ruth was about six weeks old they had a picnic. And while Ruth was too small to appreciate anything, they had a wonderful time. Returning to the apartment building just as the sun was setting, Riley stared at Ben as he awkwardly pushed the baby carriage inside and was stunned at the pure beauty of it all.

 _9 1/2 Weeks later._

It was late one Sunday morning. Ben was leisurely arranging a brunch for Emma, while a suspicious Tucker looked at him. "I know what you're planning."

"I don't know what you're talking about Tucker."

"You're trying to get back together with Riley."

"I am together with Riley. We're raising a child, so I have to spend all my free time with her."

"Not that kind of together. You're a poor friend, and a bad brother, and a fairly pathetic boyfriend. But you're a competent father. Relatively speaking. You've been on your best behavior for months. And you're just waiting for that moment when Riley turns to you and says she loves you."

Ben turned to Tucker and smiled his "I'm going to have sex" smile for the first time in nearly a year. "That is SO what I am trying to do." The smile quickly devolved into a smirk.

"So I was right!"

"Tucker, these last three months with Riley have been the best of my life. All I have to do is move to being together together. Or whatever. You know what I mean."

Tucker tried to think up an objection, when there was a knock on the door. "And that must be her," Ben said as he waltzed over in a sexy swagger before returning to normal. It was indeed Riley, holding Ruth. "Ben. Hi..."

"What's up Riley?" Ben seemed to be his normal self. Only people who knew him well would have noted a certain pleasure as his long awaited goal was near at hand.

"We need to talk."

"Is something wrong with Ruth?"

"Nothing's wrong with her, or any other part of my life. This isn't a 'You're doing something wrong We Need to Talk.' It's that we've been without anyone for four months since Danny and Elle died. And as I'm going to back to work tomorrow and I'm weaning Ruth, this is as good a time as any other for us to start to move on. It's not healthy for us to be living alone. We can't spend the rest of our lives mourning our losses."

"What do you suggest?" But just then there was a ding on the elevator, and Sam walked out. "There you are! You made it!" Riley enthused. Sam walked over to them. "So I set you up on a date with Sam!" __

 _Act 1_

"Oh." Ben desperately tried to think of something to say. "But we broke up nearly a year ago."

"Yeah, that's what I told Riley when she brought up the idea." Sam added.

"But then I pointed out that the reason you two broke up was that Ben wanted to have a sibling for Emma, while you didn't want any." Riley pointed out. "Well, now Emma has one, which means he's not likely to want any more children anytime soon."

"Yes." Ben hesitantly agreed. "Yes. Yes. That makes sense."

"And I haven't had the best year either," Sam interjected. "The best relationships I've had were with a man who I realized was actually married, and another with a man who I thought was calm and serene but was actually just perpetually stoned. So I thought, why not try harder with Ben?"

Riley nodded in agreement. "So I thought that you could go on a date tomorrow evening. You don't have a shift then, and my parents are spending some time with Ruth. I'm sure they can take care of Emma as well."

"Oh. Right. Yes. That also makes sense."

"So it's a date!" Sam reminded him.

"Yes, yes it is."

"Well, I'll see you tomorrow." And Sam returned to the elevator.

"Now I'm sure you think this is sudden..." Riley pointed out.

"Well, yes..."

"...but I'm sure you'll have no trouble finding me a date."

"Yes. Wait. What?"

"Well, I just set you up on a date. So it's only reasonable that you set me up on one."

"Oh. Yes. Of course. Yes."

"OK, I have to update my law skills before going back to work tomorrow. Here's Ruth, with the new diet that's not me. See you around."

Ben took his daughter and closed the door. As he tried to think what to do next, Tucker burst out laughing. "That was priceless!"

"Tucker, I need to think!"

"There's nothing to think about! Riley is still not interested in you! You can't compete with your brother, and he's been dead for four months!"

"No. I've got it. This is a test. I have to find a way through it and Riley will trust me."

"So you're just going to go over there and tell Riley you love her?'

"No, she's not there yet."

"So, you're just going to tell Sam you're not interested in her?"

"Yes! Or no! If I do this too quickly, Riley might get insulted."

"Right. You know, when you had idiotic plans for getting Riley in the past, they at least had the potential for conceivably working. I'm just saying."

Next day Riley was busy working back at her law firm when her dishonest colleague Palladino stopped by. "Cannatto needs these offshore banking transactions finalized."

"I thought he was in the hospital recovering from a stroke."

"All the more reason for you to finalize them."

"Scanning them some appear legally questionable."

"All the more reason that a junior partner look over them and make them legally unquestionable. Now get cracking." Just then Riley's superior Ross Goodman came by. "Perrin, how's that legal brief coming along?"

"Well, it's fairly complex. But actually I've already printed out a rough draft." She handed it to Ross.

"This looks very good. And already on your first day back to work!" Ross walked away, followed by Palladino. "Mr. Goodman, can I talk to you about Riley for a moment?"

"What is it Palladino?"

"What do you think of her ethically?"

"She's hard working, conscientious and scrupulous."

Ms. Jensen stopped by to listen. "But there are larger questions of character." Palladino continued.

"I've seen nothing to suggest that."

"Is that because you were sleeping with her?"

"MR. PALLADINO! YOU FORGET YOURSELF!" Ms. Jensen interrupted. "I'm very sorry. Mr. Goodman. We should consider this matter closed." And she quickly hustled Palladino away.

Later that evening, Bonnie and Brad were dining at a restaurant. As the waiter was pouring their wine, Brad spoke ruefully. "It's times like this that I wish that Danny was still alive."

Bonnie sighed. "I know. You think you'll get better with time, and then the slightest thing makes it comes all rushing back. Why just today..."

"Actually, I was thinking that since Danny was a professional hockey player, he might be able to get us into the '9 1/2 Weeks' restaurant. It's supposedly the best one in Manhattan, and it makes all the others look like crap in comparison." Brad remembered the waiter. "No offense."

"None taken. '9 1/2 weeks' is clearly the superior restaurant. You can ask my boss."

Bonnie noticed Ben and Sam dining a few tables down. "Maybe Ben could give us some help." And the two went up to them. "Hey you both look like you're having a wonderful time."

"Yes," Ben agreed. "We've been talking about our common managerial experiences."

"Yes," agreed Sam with little enthusiasm. "It's like the most erotic accounting lesson I ever had. If that erotic lesson was scripted by a devout Catholic, and then that script was torn up and rewritten by a devout Jehovah's Witness."

"Look Ben, can you do me and Brad a favor? We're trying to get into '9 1/2 Weeks,' and we wondering if you could put in a good word for us with the owner."

"What makes you think I would be able to help you?"

"Well, you're both restauranteurs."

"Actually, I own a bar, which is not really a restaurant. And I have no idea who owns the '9 1/2 Weeks.'"

"Please Ben! Hey, is that a black eye?"

"Uh, yeah sort of. I'm trying to find a date for Riley. It turns out Danny's teammates don't really like her very much. Nor do they like me, as I found out when I met one earlier today. I'm going through Riley's ex-boyfriends. But aside from me and Danny, Riley's only dated three other people in the past four years. One's married. One's moved back To England. And as for the third..." Just then his cellphone rang. "That must be him! Hello Fitch. It's Ben. Uh huh. I see. I see. Uh huh. No, I understand completely. Goodbye." He turned off the phone. "Sanctimonious son of a bitch. Brad, maybe you could do me a favor. If you could help me find a date for Riley..."  
 _  
_About an hour later, Tucker and Vanessa were making out in the apartment. But just then Ben returned. "Oh, how was your date?" Tucker winced as he awkwardly disentangled himself.

"Excellent. It was very civil and polite and at the same time not erotic or romantic at all! There should be no further connections with Sam!" Just then Sam knocked on the door and let herself in.

"Hi. I don't want to impose, but why not just hang out?"

"Umm...sure." Ben agreed as he desperately thought for a way out. "Oh, we could all spend the evening talking to each other."

"Yeah. We have other plans." And Tucker yanked a happy Vanessa to his bedroom.

"Is it hot here?" And Sam took off her short sleeved shirt. Usually, Sam worse sensible underclothes. So that she was wearing her special "Porn Star" bra was a bit disconcerting.

"Umm...won't it be chilly?"

"It's August Ben."  
 _  
_Meanwhile, in Tucker's bedroom, Tucker was down to his T-shirt, and Vanessa to her bra. "I don't care what Garfield thinks. I love Mondays!" Tucker said smugly. Just then Ben knocked on the door and briefly opened it.

"Ben! What the hell!"

"I am so sorry! Quick question! Vanessa, you're a woman! What kind of movie would a woman like that isn't romantic at all?"

"Why are you asking me? You've impregnated two women! Ask them!" __

"Well I didn't really know Angela very well..."

"What about Riley?"

"Riley isn't here!"

"But you've known her all your life! Don't you know what movies she'd like?"

"Yes! Yes, I do! Sorry for troubling you!" And he shut the door.

"Now where were we?"

"I was about to take off your bra."

"I think you're ahead of yourself. First you need to kiss me." Just then Ben knocked on the door and opened it again. "Yeah. Sorry again. Really really sorry! I remember Riley likes legal movies, and there aren't any on. So do you have any ideas?"

Vanessa was very angry, but she managed to remain calm enough to think of a movie. " _Manchester by the Sea_."

"Thank you! I think that's on TV somewhere. I'll watch that." And he was about to close the door.

"What's with your pants?" Vanessa asked.

"Don't encourage him!" Tucker hissed.

"Oh, right. Yeah, I put a tray of ice cubes down my crotch. The water isn't showing too much is it?"  
 _  
_"No! No, not at all." Tucker and Vanessa lied. __

 _Act 2_

It was a few days later, and Riley was at work, but she was talking on the phone to Ben while he was another date with Sam. "So Ben cooked dinner for you last night."

"Yes. Scallops linguini!" Ben declared with some pride.

"Really? When we dated Ben cooked that for me, but he wasn't very good at it."

"Still isn't." Sam muttered. "And then he took me to a lecture on Nazi Germany! About how they were pro-sex and therefore we shouldn't be."

"Sounds fascinating. Well tomorrow I'm having a lunch date with that man Brad set me up with." And Riley hung up. Sam looked grimly at Ben. "It's clear that you're not really interested in me. Well I'm going to tell Riley everything about this, and you're basically screwed." She got up, and Ben thought desperately.

"Wait! What if I took you to the '9 1/2 Weeks' tomorrow evening?"

"Really? You can do that?"

"Yes...Yes, I can." Ben said, not remotely convinced of his ability to do so.

"Oh Ben, that's so wonderful!" Sam said.

"Oh Ben, that's so wonderful" Tucker mockingly repeated the next day at the bar. Ben winced, Brad and Bonnie chuckled and even Vanessa laughed. "You're such a schmuck Ben," she said over Tucker's cell phone.

"Tucker, I really need help. How am I going to get into the '9 1/2 Weeks?'"

Tucker put his cell phone down on the table. "Ben, this is all part of your incredibly ability to take a no-brainer situation, and completely ruin it." He paused in his magnificent smugness. "You wouldn't be in this situation if you slept with Sam when she wanted you to. Seriously, I would totally do her if she asked me."

Ben and Bonnie stared at Tucker. "What? I know Vanessa is in Queens. So why are you staring at me like she's right behind me?"

"Dude, your cell phone is still on. She can hear everything."

Tucker grabbed his phone and desperately pleaded to Vanessa. "Baby, I didn't mean that!" Staring at Ben, he begged: "I _really_ need you to get me into '9 1/2 Weeks' tonight!" Just then a business suit clad Riley marched in. "Benjamin Bon Jovi Wheeler, you are a dead man!"

"It's a perfectly reasonable mistake." said a tall thin man about ten years Riley's senior who followed her.

"Was it your plan to set me up with someone who was gay?!"

"I had no idea!"

"My bad," Brad said. "People keep telling me I'm handsome, and I forget some of them are gay!"

"But that's not the worst thing! This guy thought I was a boy! I've been breast-feeding for four months! Do these mean nothing to you?" she yelled, pointing at her breasts.

"Not really." Tucker said.

"Are you kidding?" Bonnie smirked.

"Your breasts are...very efficient. Ruth is very lucky to have you." Ben added awkwardly.

Vanessa spoke up over the phone. "I can't see you very well from here. But that haircut does you no favors."

"Arghh!" And Riley stomped away. But Ben stopped her before just before the exit. "OK, what if I got you both a date and a reservation at '9 1/2 Weeks'?"

It was a couple of hours later. Ce Ce the waitress just got off the phone. "Well the good news is that the owner of '9 1/2 Weeks' is going to be here any minute. The bad news is that he's Ian Hughes."

"Hughes. That name sounds familiarly. Isn't he..." But just then Hughes himself appeared. "Oh... _him._ "

"The last time we met, you had slept with my wife, and I was going to make sure every bar in the city wouldn't hire you. But then your big brother saved your neck. And you paid him back by knocking up his girlfriend. But you want a favor from me." He stared at Ben.

"Oh yes, would you like a snack? Completely on the house!"

"Your best peanuts. And your best cocktail." Ben quickly produced a bowl. Hughes greedily devoured them while Ben whipped up a cocktail. "You know what I'd also like? Some chicken fingers. No chicken wings. How about both? Completely on the house of course." Ben motioned Ce Ce to get some from the kitchen. "This is so nice Ben. I was just looking for a late lunch. But then I heard you were so desperate for a spot, I realized I could cage free food from you. Of course, I have no intention of letting you get into my wonderful restaurant. But I can still find ways to ruin you. And the only way you can stop me from doing that is to give me free food whenever I want it."

He started to laugh them, while shoveling more peanuts into his mouth. But then he started to choke and couldn't catch his breath. He gasped pathetically, and Ben jumped over the counter to give him the Heimlich maneuver. Hughes composed himself. Staring bitterly at Ben, "It turns out I have a slot open at 7:30. But you have to provide eight people. No more, no less."

"Eight people! That works perfectly!"

Meanwhile at Riley's law firm, most people were oohing and aahing at the latest sonogram of Ross Goodman's future child. Riley was at her desk and was a bit peeved at this. "After all I brought my actual baby yesterday and they weren't half as interested."

Also uninterested was Palladino, sitting at some distance from both Ross and Riley. He jumped when Ms. Jansen tapped him on the shoulder. "You twit."

"I'm sorry. I needed to sound him out."

"You didn't have to. He's clean and he's well-disposed to Riley. Which puts us in an uncomfortable situation."

"How are we going to frame her if he's not on side?"

"Don't think about that."

Still later that day, Ben was taking Ruth to a medical appointment. "Any luck finding a date for Riley?" Tucker asked over a cell phone.

"No. I've asked the nurses if they have a brother or friend and all I get are awkward stares. Hold on. I think I may have someone." Ben recognized the handsome, young, oddly cheerful doctor he met when Elle and Mrs. Dobbs had died. The doctor had just come out of surgery, and Ben hung up and approached him. "Excuse me, do you remember me? I was wondering if you were looking for a date tonight."

"Oh thank you for asking, but I'm not gay."

"No, not for me. Actually for Riley Perrin, the mother of this beautiful baby." Ben thrust Ruth into the doctor's face. He then awkwardly took his phone and showed pictures of Riley on it.

"I think I remember her! Didn't her boyfriend die on the day she gave birth?"

"Yes! That's more or less correct! Anyway she's a lawyer, and a wonderful mother, and she's witty and intelligent and a lot smarter than I am. And she will meet you at 7:30 at the '9 1/2 Weeks.' If you want to!"

Ben was clearly nervous as the doctor pondered Riley's photos. Then the doctor nodded. "She seems nice. I'll be happy too."

"Thank you! And by the way, what's your name?"

It was 7:25 in the evening, and Ben's party of eight was slowly arriving at the '9 1/2 Weeks.' A scowling waiter directed them to a circular table. Moving clockwise from six o'clock was Brad, Bonnie, Tucker, Vanessa, Ben, Sam, the doctor and Riley. At least that was how it supposed to work. Bonnie and Tucker had arrived, while Brad had gone to a washroom. Vanessa, Sam and the doctor had not arrived. Riley was clearly nervous. "I'm sure he'll be on time," said Ben projecting the undeserved confidence he used to have.

"He'd better be," a scowling waiter said, "since this is a party for eight, and without eight you're all going to have to leave."

"I think that's Sam's over there." Bonnie pointed out. "Thanks Mom," and Ben got up to welcome her. Just then Riley got a phone call from her babysitter and she turned away from the others.

Bonnie whispered to Tucker. "What's going on with Ben and Riley and Sam?"

"It's complicated. Funny, but complicated."

"Well, tell me more."

"No, I can't go around telling my best friend's secrets."

"I'll pay you $200 a month to update me on Ben and Riley's love life." And she carefully passed him $200 in cash under the table.

"OK, Ben wants Riley. But Riley set him up with Sam, and asked him to set her up with someone. Now he's trying to find a way to break up with Sam, while trying to find a date for Riley. Even though he still wants Riley."

"You're right. That is funny." Brad returned from the bathroom, while Ben sat Sam down beside him. The waiter scowled as the six, when Vanessa arrived. The waiter still scowled and Riley looked anxiously around. Ben was clearly nervous, and Sam picked up on it and started to glare at him. But just then the doctor arrived. Ben got up. "Riley, may I introduce you to Dr. James Martin. Dr. Martin, here's Riley Perrin."

"Wasn't he the weirdo at my mother's death?" Tucker said out loud, but Vanessa elbowed him to shut up. As Martin sat down, the waiter walked off to Hughes nearby. "Well, there are eight people just like you wanted."

"I see. Well keep an eye on them. I don't want to miss an opportunity to screw Wheeler over."

Riley turned to Dr. Martin. "Well, I don't know how much Ben told about me. But I am a lawyer. I just returned to work this week after giving birth to my daughter Ruth. So you're a doctor. You know I often don't get a chance to talk books with Ruth's father, but..." And then Ruth noticed something odd. "Why are you wearing a wedding ring?"

"Oh, because I'm married."

"What?! Does your wife know about this?!"

"Oh, we're not exclusive." Just then a reasonable attractive, and extremely angry, brunette, burst into the restaurant. "So you're the slut trying to sleep with my man!"

Dr. Martin was completely composed. "Don't worry about her. She does this all the time."

 _Act 3_

Mrs. Martin marched right up to her husband. "Why do you keep doing this?!"

Dr. Martin smiled benignly. "I never said that we were exclusive."

"You said it in our wedding vows in front of a thousand people!"

"Did I? I thought that was just boilerplate, so I didn't pay too much attention to it."

With some difficulty, Riley reached around the table and yanked Ben to her by his tie. "How could you not know he was married?!"

"He was wearing surgical gloves! I couldn't see a ring!"

The waiter smugly returned with some appetizers. "Would you be interested in our specials?"

"Oh these look wonderful," Dr. Martin agreed, completely ignoring his wife.

His wife was not remotely appeased, and gave Sam a powerful slap. "Hey!"

"That's for being a worthless bitch."

"Please don't slap my date!" Ben objected, as he stood bolt upright.

"Your date! What kind of trick are you trying to pull?"

"Sam is dating me!"

"What. I'm just supposed to assume that the two people of color sitting together are dating? No, you're clearly going out with the woman, while those two," and Mrs. Martin pointed to Bonnie and Tucker "are very obviously a couple."

"Oh, no no no no..." said Tucker.

"We are definitely not a couple." Bonnie softly declared.

"And I've heard of you, you're Brad Walker, a real estate agent." Mrs. Martin pointed to Riley. "And that woman is clearly his wife. She's blonde and she's obviously in her forties."

"I am not in my forties!"

"That's exactly what everyone says Mrs. Walker would say!"

"Yeah, it's really shameless of her." Bonnie agreed.

Ben raced around to Riley's chair. "No, this is Riley and she's dating your husband. Please don't hit her."

"I'm not going to hit her. I know perfectly well Jimmy was dating a new mother. And clearly that is her," pointing to Sam. "You could not possibly be a nursing mother!" she said to Riley

"Omigod!" Riley yelled. "What the hell?!"

Ben took out his cell phone and showed it to Mrs. Martin. "See? Here is Riley seven months pregnant. Here is she with Ruth. Here she is breastfeeding Ruth."

"You have a photo of me breastfeeding?"

"Remember? We were at the park. And he showed it to Riley. "Oh that was such a lovely day." she smiled.

"You're her baby daddy." Mrs. Martin realized.

"Uh, yeah." Mrs. Martin burst out laughing. "I have nothing to fear from a pathetic matchstick like you! Not only are you in your forties, and you're thin and boylike, but your daughter's father has clearly abandoned you."

"I have _not_ abandoned her." Ben protested vehemently. But something snapped and Riley got up and bolted. "I can't do this anymore."

"Riley!"

"You're going after her?" Sam shouted.

"Well yes, I have to!"

"What is the matter with you!? It's obvious you have unresolved business with Riley. Here I am, spending all week going out on dates with you, clearly suggesting my sexual availability all this time. And you keep blowing me off! Do you have any idea of how frustrating and hurtful this to me?!"

"Going out on dates with her, buying meals for her, and not putting out?" Bonnie harrumphed. "I raised you better than that."

"You're the worst kind of creep!" Sam concluded.

"I..I..I.." Ben struggled to collect himself. Then he succeeded. "You're forgetting that a year _I_ broke up with _you_. You're the one who invited yourself back into my life. OK, I agree, I have been avoiding sex. But I made it clear a year ago that the magic word wasn't sex, or some word similar to sex, or something like that. The magic word is, and has always been, Emma. It's been four dates and you haven't asked about her well-being or shown any interest in being a mother to her!"

This deflated Sam fairly quickly. "Well when you put it like that, you do have a point."

"Now I have to go after the mother of my other daughter, and try to solve a problem that I actually caused. If you have something useful to contribute, you can follow me. Otherwise, have a lovely dinner." And Ben went after Riley.

"So," Vanessa speculated, "this is the moment when those two finally realize they're in love with each other and..." But just then Sam impulsively got up and chased after Ben. "Oh, we're not doing that right now." Just then the waiter reappeared. "I am very sorry to inform you," (he was actually incredibly pleased), "but this is a reservation for eight, and there are now only six of you. I'm going to have to ask you all to leave."

Hughes came up to make the killing stroke. "Yes, the rules are quite clear. You are all going to...Dr. Martin?"

"Hello Mr. Hughes!" Nothing that had happened over the last five minutes had altered his perky, jovial tone.

"Dr. Martin! I'm so happy to see you! It's an incredible story. I have to tell you all about it! He's the one who cured my venereal disease!" Hughes sat down in Sam's chair. "Where's my wife?" he asked the waiter.

"She's," and the waiter clearly winced, "with one of the kitchen boys."

"Well go get her! And bring some complimentary lobster, and lamb and filet mignon. And get our best wines! Your money's no good here, Dr. Martin." Soon the table was awash with expensive appetizers that tasted even better, as a trio of waiters hustled to make sure everyone had what they needed.

"My God, this is the best champagne I've ever had!" Tucker shouted.

"Isn't he the most wonderful man ever?" Mrs. Martin gushed over her husband.

"This caviar is exquisite!" Brad agreed. "We should really thank Ben for arranging all this."

"I agree," said Bonnie. "Remind me to do so after Christmas."

Later that evening Ben, Riley and Sam were returning to the apartment building. "Again, I'm so sorry that neither of you could go the '9 1/2 Weeks.'" Ben regretted.

"Well spending the evening at an ice cream parlour and having a man fulsomely apologize to you for an hour isn't the worst date I've ever been on." Riley replied. In the vestibule of their apartment building, the babysitter was waiting with Ruth in her arms and Emma standing beside her. "Hello!" Riley and Ben quickly paid her. The babysitter gave Ruth to Riley, and then quickly ran away.

"That's...disconcerting." Ben noted. They all went to the elevator. There was an awkward silence as they all ascended, and Ben awkwardly tried to break it. "Look, clearly I could have handled this better. But I think we can move past this." The door opened to Ben and Riley's floor. But instead of joining them Sam held the elevator door open. "Ben, you told me that you weren't interested in any more children."

"Yes. And I meant that."

"I see. Well consider this hypothetical situation. Suppose, for some insane reason, Riley agreed to be with you. Completely improbable, I know. And suppose the two of you actually planned to have a baby. And let's suppose that one day you were sitting with Riley with her eight months pregnant watching a boring movie that she insisted the two of you watch. Now can you tell me with a straight face," and Sam made sure to cover Emma's ears, "that there is absolutely nothing in that picture that you find more attractive than taking me into your bedroom and having sex?"

Ben desperately tried to think up an answer, without irritating either woman or presuming too much of them. But Sam cut him short. "The look on your face tells me everything. Goodbye Ben." And she closed the door and the elevator descended.

Ben turned around, as Riley went to her apartment. "Now I know that date went very badly, but if you give me another chance I can find you a proper date."

"Don't bother." Riley replied icily. And she shut the door in Ben's face. Ben turned to Emma. "Well Emma, sometimes you can try very hard and things just don't work out." And the two walked to their apartment.

"Daddy?"

"Yes Emma?"

"Why are you smiling?"

 _Coda_

The afterlife has many rooms. Most of them are inconceivable to the living, but the one Danny was in strongly resembled a doctor's waiting room, complete with magazines. Danny was reading when Angel Crystal Bernard appeared. "Oh hello!" Danny said. "I've completely lost track of the time. Now that I think of it hours must have gone by."

"Actually Danny we've been able to figure out why you haven't been able to pass on to the afterlife."

"So, now I'm about to go there?"

"Actually there's something you might like even better. Something is going to happen to your friends and family in a week or two. And when it happens, and if your friends do the right thing, you will be alive again."

 **TV Guide Preview 6.15 "Mystic Grifter."**

Bonnie is distressed that Ben and Riley might get back together. So she takes Riley to a fortune teller, while she blackmails Tucker into convincing Ben to stop pursuing Riley. Meanwhile, Danny eavesdrops on both conversations.

 **TV Guide Preview 6.16** **"Auntie Freeze"**

Bonnie has to make up things with her sister. At the same time, there are flashbacks to a decade earlier which shows how they got estranged in the first place. Danny finally learns that he is leaving the afterlife, while Ben and Riley's relationship comes to a climax.  
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	9. Chapter 9 615 Mystic Grifter

**Mystic Grifter**

 _Intro_

It was early one evening, and an enthusiastic Tucker and Vanessa burst into Tucker's apartment. "Now we have to be quiet. We don't want to wake up Emma like last time." Vanessa whispered.

"Yeah, I don't really care. Explaining things is Ben's problem."

The two slowly made their way to Tucker's bedroom while making out, while Tucker searched for a condom in his suit pocket. Then, to his alarm, he realized there wasn't one there. He tore himself away from Vanessa. "Just one moment." He dashed into his bedroom. To his horror, he realized the condoms he thought he had were actually torn wrappers.

"Is something wrong?"

"Just a moment, my sweet!" Tucker dashed into Ben's bedroom. He desperately looked on the shelves, the windowsill, and several other places before he noticed a roll of condoms in the wastepaper basket. "Why did he throw these out?" A quick look revealed they had expired a week ago. Tucker desperately balanced his lust with memories of Ruth crying. To his infinite frustration, prudence won out and he tossed the condoms back in the garbage. "He must have something!" he mused, even though as far as he knew Ben hadn't slept with anyone for months. He looked under the bed, peeked into the closet and decided to attack the dresser. He furiously opened several shelves. "Nothing! And seriously Ben, improve your wardrobe!" But in the top shelf, there was something odd. "This chamber is locked. But I have a skeleton." he happily sang. When he opened it, he did not find the condoms that Ben might logically have placed there to keep from Emma. Instead, he found a small box that could fit in his hand.

Vanessa called out from the living room. "Maybe we should do something else this evening. There's a documentary on TV about American war crimes in Vietnam."

"That sounds perfect baby," Tucker muttered as he gazed at shock at the engagement ring Ben had bought for Riley several months earlier.

 _Act 1_

The next day Riley and Bonnie were at the bar. Riley was singing the last lines of 'Blackbird' to Ruth. "All your life you were waiting for this moment to arise." She smiled as Ruth nodded off.

Bonnie sipped her coffee. "I was thinking about that dating fiasco when both Ben and Brad couldn't get you a good date. And I was thinking, maybe I should help you find someone."

"Oh..." Riley visibly winced. "But that's not necessary. I've got the problem well under hand."

"Really? Because you can't just go around to random men and tell them you want to sleep with them. I mean you can and it's a lot of fun, but it's really tacky when you're a mother."

"Actually, I think my own mother would be able to help me a bit more."

"Oh." Bonnie was skeptical. "The funny thing is that I just saw her leaving you yesterday and she was muttering under her breath about your horrible taste in men."

"Well, it's still a work in progress. We've agreed to disagree. Anyway I have to meet your son about our daughter." And she got up while Bonnie looked warily at her.

Early the next day Ben and Tucker were walking to the bar. As Ben approached it, a supplier gave him a large box of beer. Tucker mused. "Do you remember when you did so many silly and outrageous things?"

"You mean when we broke into an apartment because we wrongly thought the tenant had stolen Emma's toy? Or when me and Riley bet on getting a second date, and I lost and had to make a fool of myself in front of the entire city? Or last year when Danny and us were trying to get dates and we all got it mixed up and ended doing nothing?"

"That was fun. I mean the part where you got humiliated, not the part where I didn't have sex. We don't have those kinds of adventures anymore."

"I don't know. Last night, I had an alcohol free night at the bar while I helped host a local high school's science fair projects. I thought it might get Emma interested in science."

"Oh. How did that go?" Tucker asked as he opened the door first, since Ben's hands were full, only to be immediately covered in fire extinguisher foam by Ce Ce the waitress.

"It could have gone better." Ben put down the beer just as Bonnie showed up with Ruth. "Hi Ben! I actually called you last night because you were free. What were you doing?'

"Well Emma wanted to see 'Beauty and the Beast,' and Riley got a copy from the library. But it turns out that Riley actually doesn't like the Disney movie, and instead got an old black and white French version from the forties. On the plus side Emma had no trouble going to sleep." Ben happily remembered them all watching the movie on the couch in his apartment. "And then Riley wanted to see this other old French movie by the same director. Had this odd name, like Clouseau or Cousteau. It was this weird story about a guy and his wife and they were threatened by Death, who was this hot and weird woman." Bonnie looked at Ben closely, and he changed his tone. "Well, you know me and movies which don't have sex or where things don't explode. Total snooze-fest."

"So you'll be happy to spend more time with me and Brad."

Ben paused. "No I don't think so. I don't have as much free time as I used to have. After all, as you've told me before, you have to live with the consequences of your actions."

"That doesn't sound like something Mrs. Wheeler would say at all." Tucker muttered, as he wiped off the last of the foam with a towel. Just then Ce Ce came up to Ben. "The good news is that the fire damage is mostly superficial. I think with a few hours of hard work we can clean it up and be open in time for happy hour."

"OK, I'll contact both the insurance company and get some guys over." And he went to his office. Meanwhile unknown to any Danny had appeared with Angel Crystal Bernard. She was clarifying matters to Danny. "Today isn't the day when you return to life. That's in the next five to ten days. The good news is that it is clear that your friends are going to do something that will make you alive again. Instead, today you're going to overhear your friends and family. Maybe you'll learn something about them."

"Oh!" Then Danny thought about it. "Eww. What if they're taking a shower, or they're in the bathroom. I mean, if they're taking a shower they're in the bathroom, but you know what I mean."

"Mr. Wheeler, we're the afterlife, not a race of celestial peeping toms. A certain degree of privacy will be respected. But I warn you, you will be learning what your closest friends think of you when you're not around."

"But I will be around."

"But they won't know that. As you watch over your friends and family, you may be wondering why there is so much injustice in the world."

"Is there? I never really noticed."

"Oh. Usually people ask me questions about Treblinka at this point. But aren't you troubled that you died in a plane crash before you were 30?"

"Well that's life. And anyway you said I was going to be better soon."

"So, there's nothing you feel upset about?"

"Well I can't really complain that Riley had a fling while we were apart. But it is unfair that it should be with my brother and she should get pregnant by him. Not that I'm blaming the Big Guy!"

Riley was at the law office busy at work, interrupting her note making with memories of the night before.

"Would you like some cinnamon tea Emma?"

"Tea!" Emma squealed happily. "I love tea!"

"OK," laughed Ben. "But just remember that you are now on the record as liking something Riley cooked. No backsies!"

She remembered Ben playing peekaboo with Ruth and herself smiling when Ben put a sleepy Emma to bed. Then she noticed the incompetent paralegal Roger walking by. "I'm probably going to regret this, but do you have any idea where Mr. Goodman is?"

"He's in Soho meeting a witness in that complex property case." He paused. "Actually, I just want to say something..."

"Oh no..."

"I want to say you deserve somebody better than the brother of your fiancée. I mean right now I'm only a paralegal and you're a junior partner. But in time we could both be partners, both metaphorically as law partners and also because we'd be married. Because I'm asking you to marry me, if that wasn't clear."

Roger was about to go down on one knee, when Riley interrupted him. "Let's consider that Plan...Q."

Bonnie was sulking at the tables right outside the entrance while Tucker was sitting by her drinking some coffee. "Do you think there's something going on between Ben and Riley?" she asked.

"I told you that he wanted to be with her. That's why he ruined his chance with Sam."

"But what about Riley? She's not showing any interest?"

"I would know if they actually slept together."

"You didn't know it when Ruth was conceived."

"No, but that was a fling Riley immediately regretted. Ben doesn't want a fling, he wants to marry her."

"What do you mean marry her? You mean as some kind of distant goal?"

"Not really, considering that he bought an engagement ring a few months ago."

"WHAT!?"

"Keep your voice down Mrs. Wheeler! Ben doesn't know that I know."

"When did you find this out?"

"A couple of days ago. But I noticed a large expense when Ben learned he was Ruth's father, and that must be it."

"What do you mean by a large expense? It's probably something cheap."

"Mmmm. It's at least four figures. Maybe a month's salary, after tax."

"Damn! This is serious! I wish I knew what Riley was thinking."

"Well good luck. I mean it's annoying and unfair to Danny. But what are we going to do about it?"

"Tucker you remember when I paid you $200 to keep me informed about Ben's love life? Well do you know what happens if Ben and Riley still aren't apart in the very near future?"

"You're going to give me another $200 a month like you originally said?"

"No. I'm going to tell Ben that I bribed you to spill all his secrets. So I think you should really concentrate on helping me." Tucker stared in shock. "Yes, I lied. I do that sometimes," Bonnie smiled sweetly.

 _Act 2_

"Thinking up any bright ideas?" Bonnie pointedly asked Tucker.

"Umm. Oh, I know! Ben wants Riley, but his timing is always off. If we make him think Riley really wants him when she doesn't, it'll set back things for months."

Bonnie pondered that. She imagined returning one afternoon with her granddaughters. "Ben, I'm back with your kids. Emma really needs a nap and...AAH!" She found Ben and Riley naked in bed together. "Good news Mom! We're engaged!"

Returning to reality, Bonnie shook her head. "That could backfire so easily. Danny is the weak spot. If we can make them feel guilty about him we can keep them apart."

Tucker was skeptical. He imagined Bonnie confronting Ben and Riley in the bar. "This is so unfair to Danny! Neither of you deserved his friendship."

"You're right." Riley agreed. "In fact that shows we clearly deserve each other."

"And if we spend the rest of our lives together, we can deserve our daughter." Ben agreed.

"In fact," Riley added, "we should immediately demonstrate our lustful and callous conduct right in front of you." And looking at each other with pure desire in their eyes, they shook hands.

"They shook hands?" Bonnie complained incredulously, bringing Tucker back to earth.

"I mean, I know she gave birth out of wedlock, but I can't really picture Riley and sex together."

Just then Ben came up. "Looks like the bar is going to be closed for the afternoon. But everything will be all right by about four. So I guess you're going to spend the day with Daddy!" He picked up Ruth, while Bonnie gave Tucker a sharp look. "And you can also spend it with me!" Tucker enthused. "I need to know your second child a lot more!"

"Don't you have work Tucker today?" Ben wondered.

"No, not at all. I've got plenty of free time." As Ben moved Ruth in her carriage, Tucker quickly took out his cell: "Hi! I can't be at work because I've got emphysema. Or a really bad flu. Regardless, I won't be in today Or at least until four."

Back at the law office Ms. Jensen came by Riley's desk. "Ms. Perrin! I haven't really had the chance to congratulate you on your baby."

"Uh, no, I suppose you haven't."

"Well I'd love to see some pictures of her."

"Oh. OK." And Riley took out her cell phone and handed it to Ms. Jensen. Just then Bonnie appeared. "Riley, it's such a lovely day. I was thinking we take some time off and enjoy the city."

"Uh, I actually work for a living. I can't just get up and leave."

"Actually we don't want you to work too hard," Ms. Jensen intervened. "You should go with her."

"But I'm busy on the Flaherty case."

"Yes. Well, they settled. I was just going to tell you that."

"But there's no shortage of other things I could do."

"Actually as a new mother, it's best that you gradually transition back into work."

"Really? Because I thought you were in charge of dealing with the lawsuits that arise from our very ungenerous maternity leave policy."

"Don't look a gift horse in the mouth, Riley," Bonnie declared, and she yanked her away from her desk.

Meanwhile Ben, Ruth and Tucker were back at the apartment. "OK, the bar's on schedule for opening this afternoon. Tucker could you watch Ruth while I help clean things up?" Unknown to everyone, Danny was watching them with Angel Crystal Bernard.

"Ben, " Tucker spoke up. "It's encouraging that the bar is going so well. Or at least it isn't bankrupt or whatever."

"Uh huh."

"And just think. If your brother Danny hadn't bought the bar, you and your other daughter would be out on the street. And to think, he did that out of pure charity."

"Actually he bought the bar because he believed I had the competence to run it."

"Oh wait. Yeah I did say that." Danny remembered.

"The point is that you owe your brother a debt you can never repay. And you repaid it by hooking up with the one true love of his life! Look, you want to hook up with Riley. But do you really have that close a connection with her? You had 100% more sex with Angela and see how that turned out."

"What I want is considerably more than a hook-up."

"But you were together just that one time, and it was just chance that you had a baby from that time."

"You know Tucker, you're right."

"I am?"

"Logically I should have had much more sex with Riley. I should make that up soon."

Meanwhile Bonnie was dragging Riley across Manhattan. "Mrs. Wheeler, I really think I should be going back."

Bonnie ignored her. "Oh, this looks like fun." It was a small shop, with the sign "Madame Pavone's Gypsy Secrets: Fortunetelling, séances, tarot cards and palm reading." Bonnie yanked Riley inside. Riley noticed a not unattractive brunette, perhaps a few years younger than Bonnie, sitting at a table bedecked with a crystal ball. "I am Madame Pavone. I know the secrets of the future and the past. Through the great Gypsy secrets from Egypt and beyond I know about true love and deep pain. And I can reveal them to you."

Riley took a look around and was not impressed. Madame Pavone had a very clear Italian-American accent. The walls had photos of Italian American politicians like the current mayor and governor. There were photos of prominent Italian-American athletes. Pictures of Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin were just above Madame Pavone's head, while Riley could see photos of Robert De Niro, Danny Aiello and Al Pacino. They were tourist scenes from half a dozen Italian cities. As Madame Pavone beckoned the two to sit, Riley spoke up, "You must know a lot about the Roma."

"Yes, I've been there several times."

"No, not the city. The Roma. Which is what Gypsies actually call themselves. Which you would know of course, because you're a gypsy. Supposedly."

At that moment, Danny and Angel Crystal Bernard appeared. "Wow, we're here? But what about Ben and Tucker?"

"Actually we can eavesdrop on both conversations at the same time."

"Cool!" But then Danny got worried. "What if I meet the other me in real time!? It's like that science fiction show I never really remembered! What if I meet myself and I die? What if I become a zombie ghost and attack my family?"

"Do you know how many people are killed by intangible zombies? The numbers are surprisingly low."

Bonnie spoke up. "So you can really do séances?'

"Absolutely," Madame Pavone replied.

"You see, my son, and my friend's fiancée, died in a plane crash about four months ago. We miss him terribly. Can you really contact him on the other side?"

"I need a name, and a memento from both of you."

"Daniel Mellencamp Wheeler," and Bonnie handed two photographs of Danny. With considerable skepticism Riley took a photo out of her purse. Madame Pavone dimmed the lights. The crystal ball on her table glowed and she spoke in a deep low voice. "Mom, Riley. I've waited so long to talk to you."

"Wow! Can that mystic actually sense me?" Danny wondered.

"Shh." Angel Crystal Bernard hushed.

"Riley, I need to talk you..." Madame Pavone continued. "I know it's been a hard four months. You have to remember..."

Riley was not impressed. "So you're just pretending to be Danny. Not even a ghost or even a good imitation of his voice..."

"...remember when we first made love, and I grazed your thigh with a blue tulip..."

"What?!"

At the same time, Ross Goodman was at a Soho cafe, meeting a vaguely disreputable thin, balding man. "I took the liberty of ordering some coffee," said the man. "You like expresso?"

"Sure. Why not?" The man opened up a suitcase and handed some documents to Ross, who sipped his coffee and looked through them. He was soon annoyed. "These documents are all a matter of public record. They don't add anything to the case."

"Don't they? Fortunately I have some more." And he handed a few to Ross.

Ross leafed through them, drinking more coffee. "These documents are even less valuable than the first ones."

"Really? I think you'll find a paper between pages 36 and 37 of that record very interesting indeed." Ross turned to the page and was still not impressed. "This has nothing to do with the property case. It's about Perry Mason and Nero Wolfe episodes."

"I would think you would find it very interesting. It mentions poisons that could kill a man in his early forties without being easily detected. Like the one I placed in your coffee."

Ross was no longer moving, and his murderer smoothly removed the documents. As he left, he called on his cell phone. "It's done."

On the other end Ms. Jensen smiled. She called out to Roger. "Ms. Perrin left her phone behind. Please return it to her desk." As Roger returned the phone, Ms. Jensen walked over to Palladino. "Make sure that idiot is transferred to our Buffalo office tonight."

 _Act 3_

"Look," Tucker spoke up. "I think I've been extremely reasonable in allowing your daughter Danny's room instead of getting a new roommate..."

"I thought you left the room vacant because you were going to ask Vanessa to move in." Ben replied.

"Omigod, please don't tell anyone about that.." Tucker then remembered what he was trying to say. "Look, just because you got Riley pregnant doesn't mean it would be a good idea to marry her."

"Everybody thought it was a wonderful idea when they thought Danny was the father."

"But they were destined to be together!" Danny smiled happily behind Tucker.

"Well clearly they're not. And they were apart for two months over a minor quarrel just before Ruth was conceived." Danny was now very sad.

"Don't you feel just a bit responsible for Danny's death?"

"How can I be responsible? Everything suggested that Danny was the father. Riley thought he was the father. Raising the subject would only have caused strains, and everyone would say I only did it to try to break them apart. And it's not as if I had anything to do with his plane crashing."

"But Danny's death was a direct consequence of your actions!"

Ben sat down on the couch, and motioned Tucker to sit near him. Their angles were a little awkward, and when Danny moved in closer to listen he lost his balance and fell. "Look, consider this example from torts. If there's ice outside my bar, one can predict that people might slip on it. But nobody could reasonably predict that Danny would die in a plane crash coming back to see Riley."

Tucker paused. Then an idea came to him. "That means you're not legally responsible. But what about _morally_?"

Back at the fortune teller's Madame Pavone still spoke in Danny's voice. "It's so hard to reach you. I try to search our memories and they risk fading away like tears in the rain. Do you remember when we were partners in that chemistry lab? I couldn't have passed high school science without your help. One time I accidentally set our experiment on fire staring at Donna Valacchi. Do you remember when your sister tried to hide all your beanie babies under your mother's begonias when you were nine? I helped you find them again, but before that happened, you broke into tears and I held you in your velveteen sweater so close. When you were fifteen your mother filled the house with marigolds, but you had a freak allergy. You tried taking some medication, but you choked on one of the pills, and I had to give you the Heimlich maneuver. I know it's not much, but I need you to listen to me..." Madame Pavone reached out for Riley's hand. Riley awkwardly accepted it and then pressed back with some fervour.

"Listen carefully," Pavone said, and Danny loomed closer to hear as well. "I know Ben is in love with you. And he wants you. And he thinks he's doing the right thing by doing this. But you have to wait. There's something inside you that says this isn't right. If you go ahead too quickly, you will regret it. There is something better coming, and if you are patient, you will get it. Remember when you were in your treehouse a few weeks after we first met? And you got a splinter. You started to cry because it was so painful. And I told you to be calm, that you were stronger than this. I took out the splinter and kissed your finger and you were all better. You were stronger then, and you're stronger now. Please. I beg you."

"This is incredible!" Danny shouted, though no one could hear him. "She saying things only the two of us could know! And she's saying exactly what I would say, except she's all eloquent, with right words and paragraphs and stuff!"

Suddenly Madame Pavone arched back suddenly. The crystal ball glowed very brightly and then shut off. There was a puff of smoke and Madame Pavone fainted. Slowly she recovered, and managed to turn the lights on.

"That was so weird." Bonnie said. "It was so intense!"

"Yeah, that was very eerie," Riley agreed.

"How much do we owe you?"

"That was only a brief session. Consider it free. If you want a longer conversation, where the deceased can communicate more easily, I'll need some more preparation. It's sixty dollars an hour, plus expenses."

Riley got up. "I'll have to think it over. It's certainly not something I can do every day"

"Look we are not going to have this argument every day," Ben snapped as he quickly moved through the apartment cleaning things.

"But you know that I'm right!"

"I don't know that at all! I just can't think of good arguments while you're pestering me!"

"You know Angela isn't a good mother for Emma. You have to consider the possibility that you're not the best father for Ruth, and that you should help Riley find the man who could be!"

Ben turned to face Tucker angrily. "You're not the man to say I'm not good enough for Ruth."

Tucker flinched, thinking he had gone too far. But he rallied. "What would you say to Danny if he were right in this room?"

"I'd ask him who the hell it was we buried!"

"Be serious! You would have broken your brother's heart. How could you justify yourself if he was standing right before you?" For the last couple of minutes Danny was trying to position himself between the two. But because Ben kept moving, and Tucker kept following him, it was very awkward for him to do that.

"Do you know what I would say?! Do you know what I would say?!" Ben abruptly turned direction again, and Danny had to maneuver awkwardly to reach him. But it was even more awkward because Ben was right up to Tucker with barely any space between them "I'd say he was full of it! I'd say he was a hypocrite! Yes, I've chased a lot of women! But he was the one who was supposedly in love with her and he's the one who spent a decade sleeping with other women rather than tell her he loved her. The only thing he had to do was that, and he couldn't do it! I'm sick of hearing how it hard was for him, the big man on campus, the hero of every winning team, fighting off the non-existent horde of suitors for 16 year old Riley!"

"He didn't want to risk his friendship!"

"Well, tough! Why does Danny get to take the path of least resistance!? All my life he has had the first call on everything! And one more thing! Riley is the best mother for Emma. Who is the complete stranger out there who loves her as much as I do? I don't know. And you don't know. But Danny knows! The ideal mother is somebody he doesn't care about. She's someone Danny graciously allows me to have, the crumbs that he doesn't want!"

Danny was shocked and speechless. Ben collapsed into a chair, and held his head in his hands. Tucker stood over his shoulder. "Ben, you're not actually arguing with me, you know."

"Tucker, I'm sorry. This isn't how I wanted it to be."

"I know. But can you honestly say that Riley wants you for you? Or because she doesn't have a better choice?"

"I don't know. But I think I'm close."

"Ben..." and Tucker sat down beside Ben. Neither of them noticed Danny fading away. "...I had a talk with your father. And he said that while you think you're doing the right thing, you have to be really sure that you are. You may thing marrying Riley is the right thing. That you'll be happy. But your dad said desire is clouding your judgement. And he told me to tell you not to make the same mistake he did."

Ben looked at Tucker. "He really said that?"

"Uh-huh." Just then Ruth started crying. Ben sighed and went over to help her.

Meanwhile Bonnie was guiding Riley to the subway as she returned to her law firm. "It's good that we had this time to chat." Bonnie smiled.

"It was. I learned a lot of things that I had almost forgotten." Riley walked down the stairs to the station, and Bonnie waved to her. Then she quickly double-backed to Madame Pavone's place. Inside Madame Pavone was calling a bookie. "Yeah, I know the odds are 20-1 against them. Let me explain again how this works. I find teams that I know are going to win and have heavy odds against them. I bet a lot of money on them and get even more back. _Capisce_?" She noticed Bonnie.

"Talking about the big football game tonight?"

"Yes. You have my money?" Bonnie did and paid Madame Pavone $200 in cash. "I think she bought it."

"Of course she did. I'm a professional. What I'm surprised is that your son told you so much about his sex life."

"Oh Danny's a complete gentleman. Unlike his brother Ben, you know the one we're trying to screw over? No, Danny was not the one to kiss and tell. But it was no trouble getting him to spill stuff."

Bonnie left Madame Pavone, watched by Danny and Angel Crystal Bernard. "That was an interesting day," she said as the two "walked" away.

"It was. I want to be clear. I forgive Riley. She didn't mean to hurt me. She was trying to do the right thing."

"There are worse things one can do than cheat on you."

"And I think Ben knows deep in his heart that he's not doing the right thing. I just wish there was some to get over all this. That there was some way to erase what had happened. That me and Riley could go back to the way it was. Where she could be Cinderella and I could be her Prince Charming there to solve all her problems."

Angel Crystal Bernard nodded. "Well in a week or so, you'll be luckier than you ever imagined."

 _Coda_

Later that evening, Riley met Ben and Tucker at the bar. Bonnie was nearby watching the football game on the overhead TV. "How was your day?" Riley asked.

"Well Mom bribed Tucker to try to keep us apart."

Tucker did a classic spit take. "How did you know?"

"Tucker, just because you've only met Dad four times in your life doesn't mean I don't talk to him on a regular basis."

"Yeah, Tucker that's a rookie mistake." Riley added. "Meanwhile your mother took me a medium who pretended she was Danny. Your mother has a really good memory. But I have a better one. She forgot that it was seven year old Danny who got the splinter in the tree house, and it was I who told him he was stronger than this while I pulled it out."

The two turned both faced Tucker and scowled. "Guys, you're not looking on the bright side."

"What bright side?" Riley curtly wondered.

"Well, Mrs. Wheeler paid in advance."

Riley and Ben approached Bonnie. "So have you got something to say Mom?" But Bonnie was too wrapped up in the football game. "They scored _again_?! The odds were 20-1 against!" She sighed. "And the worst thing was that I had the inside track!"

 **TV Guide Preview 6.16** **"Auntie Freeze"**

Bonnie has to make up things with her sister. At the same time, there are flashbacks to a decade earlier which shows how they got estranged in the first place. Danny finally learns that he is leaving the afterlife, while Ben and Riley's relationship comes to a climax.

 **TV Guide Preview 6.17 "Tear Diary"**

Excerpts from Riley's diary are read, showing her alternating feelings for Danny and Ben. Bonnie gives Emma a very special birthday gift. Ben becomes very interested in the result of a charity hockey game. 


	10. Chapter 10 616 Auntie Freeze

**Auntie Freeze**

 _Intro_

It was early Friday morning, and Ben was trying to calm a crying Ruth. Tucker was rapidly losing patience and Emma was pouting with her fingers in her ears. "Emma take your fingers out of your ears." Ben admonished. "Use your palms to cover them instead." Ben then returned to his younger daughter. "There, there it's going to be all right," as he carried her around the couch.

"Why is this happening?" Tucker whined.

"Look man, Riley needs her sleep. She's got a lot of work and since Ruth is being weened, it's only reasonable that I take care of her sometimes." Just then there was a horrible shriek.

"Well that plan worked out wonderfully." Tucker muttered. Just then a nearly hysterical Riley burst into the apartment. "Ben! I can't find Ruth anywhere!" She dashed across the room looking frantically when she noticed Ruth in Ben's arms. "Ruth, I'm so sorry! I can't find you anywhere and your idiot father has no idea of how serious the situation is."

Ben paused. "Think for a minute. It'll come to you."

 _Intro Music_

 _Act I_

Tucker had already left, and now Riley was trying to soothe her daughter. "Clearly you didn't get enough sleep last night," Ben wondered. "But the whole point of Ruth being here was so you could."

"I know," Riley almost whimpered. "But I had to stay up until two in the morning doing legal work. Everything has become so much more rushed after Ross died."

"That is so...weird. I mean I joked all the time about how old he was, but I was just being a jealous jerk. That he should die so suddenly is strange."

It occurred to Riley that it was indeed very strange, and the thought of it alarmed her, when Ruth interrupted her with her cries, and the thought went away. "OK, Ben I'll babysit the kids tonight while you're at the bar." She went back to her apartment and placed Ruth in her crib. "Please, please, please be an angel and don't cry for the next five minutes." She gathered her bills and other correspondence. She noticed one envelope in particular.

"This is odd. This is from Tucker's mother. It's postmarked the day she died. She must have mailed it right before she went to the hospital. It must have been here for months." She opened the envelope and found a card with a brief message. " _You are stronger than you think._ " Riley pondered the message.

Ben was getting the bar ready for opening, when Bonnie came up to him. "It was good that you had that wake for Ross a couple of days ago."

"Uh huh."

"You know, Mrs. Goodman is going to give birth any day now. Her child needs a father."

"Uh oh."

"Come on Ben. If some woman is going to be Emma's stepmother, it's only fair that you be a stepfather as well. You were the last man to sleep with her before her husband. How do you know it's not your child?"

"Because it doesn't take fourteen months to have a baby!"

"Ugh! Your brother would be so much easier to manipulate." As it happens Danny and Angel Crystal Bernard appeared in the bar. "Today's the day! Today you will return to life."

"Wow! What time?"

"It happens...late this evening! In the bar. But time will pass very quickly for you. It'll be no more than fifteen to twenty minutes tops!"

"Great! You said my friends and family would be doing something. Do you know what?"

"No I don't."

"How do I come back to life?"

"I don't know yet."

"How do I start my life again if I've been dead for more than four months?"

"That's a good question. And I don't know the answer."

"Uh, not to be rude. But aren't angels supposed to know more? Isn't there a word-omnippletent?"

"It's omnipotent. You have to understand the afterlife is run on a strict need to know basis."

"Will I remember anything from this?"

"Ah here is something I can tell you. You're not supposed to remember anything. But if you concentrate very hard, you may be able to remember one special thing."

Later that day Ben returned to his apartment after picking Emma up from preschool. "All right Emma. It's your birthday in a few days. I do actually remember it. What do you want?'

"I want a mommy! I want Riley to be my mommy!"

Ben took a deep breath and knelt down to look Emma in the eye. "I'm sorry kiddo. But I can't give you that. And you can't tell anyone else that you want that."

"But don't you want to marry Riley?"

"More than anything. But if you tell Riley this, she'll think I put you up to this, and she'll get angry at me for playing a trick on her. Just be patient." Just then Riley came in with Ruth. "Hi Riley! I was just talking to Emma about her birthday. And I was thinking Emma should have more books."

"That's a great idea Ben. And there's a whole lot of Caldecott Medal books she could look at. Maybe this year she can learn to read..." Just then Bonnie barged in. "Well Ben, you may not be able to appreciate your brother. But I am here to tell you that I am the bigger person and I am going to reconcile with my sister tonight at the bar!"

"There must be a catch." Riley pointed out.

"Yeah, there's some angle. What could it be?" Ben mused.

"Now I remember!" Riley said in glee. "Mrs. Wheeler, you told me yourself that your maternal uncle died last week."

"That's right! Great Uncle Maurice was born a decade before Nana and he amassed a small fortune as a bureaucrat."

"And he must have split his money between you and your sister because your mother is such a horrible person."

"But he must have required you to resolve all your outstanding differences, so that's why you're meeting her tonight!"

"Man we are on fire tonight." And Ben and Riley slapped their hands in triumph.

"Well regardless, you should try and help me Ben." Bonnie said.

"I am not helping you. I have a bar to run." Ben replied as he walked off to the elevator.

Bonnie followed. "So what you're saying is that Tucker can aid me."

"No! Why would you think I said that?"

 _About ten years earlier_

If Victoria Roberta Lyle Manafort had been asked which TV character she most resembled, she would have replied without a doubt Lorelai Gilmore. Not only was she a dead ringer for Lauren Graham, but she was a strong, confident assertive woman with a special relationship with her own daughter. The only way she did not resemble Ms. Gilmore was that she had her only child at a reasonable age, in her late twenties, after being married to her handsome doctor husband for a respectable amount of time. To those less enthused with her, (and her sister Bonnie Wheeler, younger by two years, was foremost among her detractors) Vickie Manafort most resembled Cordelia Chase. Not only was she a dead ringer for Charisma Carpenter, but she was snobbish, rude, selfish and had spent her entire life coasting on her good fortune. So Bonnie was not in a good mood when the Manaforts turned up one evening at her New Jersey home. Riley was visiting as usual, while Danny welcomed his aunt.

"Hi, Aunt Shirley! It's go good to see you!"

"Yes. Likewise." Danny didn't see his aunt wincing, or overhear her when she whispered to her sister, "Why does he call me Shirley?"

"Oh, a few years ago we were arguing, and I said 'Surely you can understand me.' And that's why he thinks it's your name."

"Can't you correct him?"

"Meh, I've got better things to do." Just then Dr. Peter Manafort entered. He was tall, clean-shaven, very handsome and about eight years older than his wife. "Bonnie, you look as beautiful as always. If I wasn't married..." Victoria flinched.

"Where's Regina?" Bonnie asked.

"She's with my mother." Manafort replied. "It's just that the local hospital needs my assistance, and where better to spend the next couple of days than at my in-laws?"

Meanwhile Ben was facing those rare times when he not only had to do his homework, but had to be good at it. He was looking at his grade ten trigonometry text. "Can I help? I'd love to help!" Riley declared.

"Knock yourself out."

"So what's the problem?"

"I actually know the basic principles of trigonometry. But I keep mixing up tans, cosines and sines."

"I think I can help you with that." Just then Danny walked by.

"How's your math homework coming along?" Ben asked. "Oh wait; you have a date with Jessica Feltshank."

"Actually I'm feeling a bit under the weather."

"That's odd. You had yet another perfect game today."

"Yeah, I think it's one of those 24 hour bugs. Or 12 hour bugs. Whatever." He walked away, and once out of sight smiled a big grin. "Oh I am so going to get laid tonight!"

 _The present at the bar_

Tucker was just walking in when Ben warned him. "Dude! Avoid my mother! She's meeting her sister and she's got something planned to muck up your life!"

"Not a problem. I have a hot date with Vanessa and we'll be blowing this place." Tucker paused. "Your aunt is the one who makes your mother really uncomfortable. Watching this could be fun. Do you have a photo of her?" Ben showed one on his phone. "Who's that girl she's with?"

"That's her daughter and my cousin Regina."

"Wow! She's actually hot! Why didn't you tell me about her before?"

"Dude! That's my cousin! And she just turned eighteen like a month ago. Oh crap! There's her mother."

Tucker walked away only to bump into Bonnie, who quickly motioned him to a table while Victoria talked to her nephew. "I've got an important message from Vanessa."

"But we're about to leave on a hot date."

"Actually she says she's cancelling."

"What!? Why!?"

"Well it's probably because I told you are that you were going to be delayed because of venereal disease testing." Tucker was shocked. "Relax. I'll call her back in an hour after you've helped me. I'll tell her it was an April Fool's Day joke."

"It's the middle of August!"

"Look, my relations with Vicky are awkward, but once you hear me you'll realize that none of it was my fault."

 _Ten years or so in the past._

Dr. Manafort smiled at his wife. "Why don't you sit down my dear? I have to go to the washroom." Victoria wasn't too happy. She would have been even less happy had she realized that her husband did not go to the bathroom, but outdoors. On one side there was the Wheeler treehouse. Manafort was on the other side. He took out his cell phone. "The old ball and chain doesn't suspect a thing. She thinks I came here to do medical work and not to hook up with you. In fact, if you can arrange it, I could be with you tonight."

Bonnie Wheeler was proud of many things in her life. One of those things was she had managed to quit smoking, which at this time she had _almost_ succeeded in doing. She had just snuck out to take her first cigarette in three days. Dr. Manafort didn't hear her when he hung up his phone.

"That son of a bitch!" she whispered, dropping her cigarette.

 _Act 2_

 _The present at the bar_

"Well well well." Victoria Manafort said. "At least when my sister got pregnant she was only 17, and had the decency to get married."

"Happy to see you as always Aunt Victoria." Ben replied.

"Clearly it gets worse with every generation. As Mom says, the rotten apple doesn't fall far from the rotten tree. The man who meets Emma is going to face a world of pain."

Ben was so angry he crushed the glass he was drying. With considerable restraint, he managed to clean it up. "Perhaps if you actually met Emma, you'd reconsider your opinions."

Meanwhile Bonnie had explained her side of the story to Tucker. "You know Mrs. Wheeler I actually can believe that. I've known your sons long enough that this half-baked plan is exactly what you would try."

"Then you realize I would never be the person try to steal my sister's husband!"

"Oh you would totally be that person! I mean there's your best friend's husband. Your current husband's father. My own father!"

Just then Danny appeared with Angel Crystal Bernard. "So we're at the bar again! And I'll be alive soon! Wow, there's Aunt Shirley! Everybody's here! Except Riley."

"Don't worry. She'll be in your arms when you're alive."

"I can't wait to see her."

 _About ten years earlier_

"I SO hope Riley doesn't see me. Or Ben. Or Mom. I'm so glad Dad isn't here." Danny was in the hall and he got some condoms from his secret hiding place under the potted plants. "This is going to be great!"

"Danny?" Victoria asked.

"Aunt Shirley! You're probably wondering what I'm doing with these condoms!"

"I can guess."

"Well it has nothing to do with sleeping with my girlfriend's sister!"

Victoria sighed. "You're really bad at this lying thing, aren't you?'

Danny dashed away. He carefully avoided Dr. Manafort coming back in the house, but didn't notice his mother bumping into Manafort. "I'm sorry, so clumsy of me." As they separated Bonnie smiled to herself as she pocketed Manafort's phone. "You are _so_ going down."

Danny was in his bedroom and about to sneak out the window. "Danny? I thought you were sick." Ben wondered.

"Ben! Aren't you supposed to be studying?"

"We're taking a break. Hey is that Josie Feltshank in our treehouse?"

"Omigod! You can't tell anyone about this!"

"Aren't you dating her sister?"

"I never said we were exclusive!"

"Well, it's good that Jessica knows that."

" _Please_ Ben! Don't tell anyone. Especially Riley!"

"Why Riley in particular?"

"No reason. But please don't tell her. Or anyone else."

"Don't worry, I got your back. Bros before hos. Rather literally in this case."

"Ben! You shouldn't refer to women like that!"

"You're very self-righteous for someone about to cheat on his girlfriend."

"Gee thanks!"

"Danny, that wasn't a compli-, oh never mind."

 _The present at the bar_

"You could use a compliment bartender."

Ben looked up and noticed a very attractive brunette looking, arguably leering, at him. He could not help but stare at her breasts since not only were they fairly large, but her sleeveless ensemble strongly emphasized her cleavage. He quickly returned to the glass he was drying.

"I was bet twenty dollars that I could get your phone number."

"Sucks that you have to shell out money on a Friday evening."

"I think you'll change your mind when we wake up the next morning."

"I'm taken."

"Well so am I. But that doesn't mean we can't fool around for one night."

"Not interested."

"I don't think you fully appreciate what I can do for you. Do you have any maraschino cherries?"

"There are three cocktails that serve them. If you want any you'll have to pay."

The brunette bristled, but was not deterred. "Could I borrow that deck of cards that you have other there for a few seconds?"

As it happened Danny was looking elsewhere. "I wonder what Mom and Aunt Shirley are talking about."

Tucker winced as the two sisters by him argued. "Still the irresponsible slut you've always been." Victoria said icily.

"Look, I know we haven't been on the best of terms, but we can be better than this." Bonnie replied.

" _We?_ I am not the guilty party here. I am the good sister who has tried to put the past behind us, and then you come along and stab me in the back!"

"Aside from that one time with your husband..."

"One time?! One Time?!"

"...what have I done recently to hurt you?"

"Bonnie, you just don't get it. It's not about me! Mom told me about how you broke your heart and made your children hate her."

"Mom, as usual, is not being accurate."

"Oh right. You've never told your sons about your first husband."

"Well I...OK, that's actually true."

"What?" Tucker gasped. "What happened?"

"Tucker shut up."

"Mom also told me that you don't know for sure who the father of either your two children are."

Bonnie was shocked. "That is a complete and total lie."

"So you say. Well your words mean nothing Bonnie. I will always choose mother over you." Just then Victoria's phone rang. "It's Regina. You know the one child of us who is actually good and intelligent and not an idiot. And isn't trying to take their sibling's true love behind their backs." Victoria walked away to talk to her daughter in private.

 _About ten years earlier_

"Has anyone seen where my phone went to?" Dr. Manafort asked.

He was walking near Bonnie and her husband's bedroom, when he heard Bonnie whisper from inside it. "Close the door behind you."

He did and Bonnie smiled at him. "I overheard your planned rendezvous, and I thought, why go to all that trouble, when you can have it with me." Manafort smiled broadly, but his eyes showed a certain cunning.

Meanwhile Riley had taken a pop from the kitchen. Then she reconsidered, and got some cheese as well. Then she reconsidered again, and looked deep inside in the fridge. "Could this be cake?" A closer look revealed it was a spinach casserole. "Close enough." She took a plate, and also added an orange and a chocolate bar. As she walked back to where Ben was studying Victoria waylaid her.

"You're the nitwit who's in love with the lazy nephew."

"What? That is so…what?"

"Why does everyone think they can lie to me?"

"Mrs. Manafort. Can I ask you a personal question? Not that I'm remotely interested in Ben. But do you think Ben would notice me if I lost weight?"

"I would think boys a lot more interesting than my slacker nephew would notice you if you did. Actually, since you're the closest person here to an objective observer..."

Two minutes later Victoria was still commiserating "...OK, so we're not the best of sisters, and haven't been ever since Bonnie got pregnant with Danny... I was in college at the time and Bonnie was always angry at me for taking Mom's side. But she doesn't tell you the other side, that for the previous three years Mom always supported Bonnie. Do you know how awkward it is to have your mother point out that your kid sister's boobs are already larger than yours? And so when Mom told me that I was the good daughter, you don't know what it meant to be finally appreciated. You'd understand, your mother shamelessly prefers your little sister to you..." But actually Riley didn't understand because she had tactfully, stealthily and successfully sneaked away from Victoria.

 _The present at the bar_

"...I've already told you that I wasn't trying to seduce Peter. The idea was to catch him with his pants down and show him for the dirtbag he was. How was I supposed to know that he would try to seduce me and I would be especially vulnerable because my husband was gay? Look if I had to be totally honest, the problem was that I had a bit of a crush on him. I mean he was rich, handsome, and all right I envied Victoria for her success. Do you understand Tucker?"

"Actually I've spent the last two minutes getting some drinks. Here's yours."

Looking at them from a distance Danny was curious. "Wow! I haven't had a drink in months. You don't think wanting one would prevent me from coming back to life?"

"Absolutely not," Angel Crystal Bernard reassured him.

Meanwhile the brunette was smiling very smugly at Ben."Well what do you think?"

"I have to agree. Your trick with the cards is considerably more sexy that what that girl did with the cherry stem on _Twin Peaks._ "

"So are you interested?"

"Not remotely." Ben paused. "This is a bar. We sell drinks, not the bartender." The brunette was very irritated and left in a huff. Just outside it she said. "Here's your twenty bucks. That guy is gayer than a warehouse full of fruitcakes."

"Thank you," Riley replied, as she pocketed the money.

 _Act 3_

 _About ten years earlier_

"OK, let's see if those tips helped." Ben checked his textbook to see if he had the right answer. "What do you know? I got it right!"

"I knew you could do it!" Riley beamed. "All you needed was to make an effort." She paused. "In fact, there's nothing you can't do if you really try hard enough."

"Uh-huh," said Ben as he looked at the next problem. He didn't notice that Riley was staring at him with ardent concentration. Suddenly she lunged at him across the table to kiss him at the exact moment that the phone rang and Ben turned away to answer it. "Jessica Feltshank! What a surprise!"

At that moment Bonnie realized that her plan to expose her brother-in-law's womanizing was going wrong. The first sign was when he made a flirtatious pass at her, and she no longer had his phone. 'You took your phone back."

"Why wouldn't I? It's my phone."

"Yes, of course. It certainly wasn't because I was hoping to use it to record you."

Manafort twirled Bonnie around and when she stopped spinning she grasped that he had removed her skirt. "Uh-oh. Umm, this is getting out of hand."

"Bonnie, I know you overheard my liaison. I know you're trying to expose me. I also know that your husband isn't satisfying you." Then Manafort kissed her below her shoulder, the kind Ray Wheeler hadn't tried to give her for a decade. Bonnie gasped in pleasure.

 _The present at the bar_

"So Tucker, you've got some clever trick to make up with Vicky." Bonnie pleaded.

"Actually Mrs. Wheeler, I do." Tucker answered. "You apologize. You admit you envied your sister for her marriage. You admit you were wrong."

"That's lame. I mean Riley or even Ben could have told me to do that. Why did I let you help me if that's all you were going to say?"

"You didn't _let_ me help you. You _forced_ me to help you by lying to my girlfriend about venereal disease."

"No I didn't. I lied to you about calling her."

"What?!"

"At least I think I did. I mean I was waiting here for some time and I had a few drinks. But I'm 80% sure that I did not tell Vanessa you may have syphilis."

Danny was watching from a distance, when Angel Crystal Bernard tapped him on the shoulder. "Danny it's time."

"Now now? As in this very instant?"

"Close your eyes Danny. And when you open them again, you will be fully alive. In the flesh to live out your earthly life to its normal span."

Danny closed his eyes, and as he did so he faded away. Angel Crystal Bernard smiled. "My work here is done."

Ben was still working at the bar, when he felt a tap on his shoulder.

"Riley! What are you doing here? Who's watching our children?"

"Calm down. Mrs. Gorsky is looking after them for a few minutes."

"Mrs. Gorsky who's lived in the apartment to the right of mine for the entire time I've been there and who I've otherwise never mentioned?"

"The same. Ben we need to talk. There's been...a certain ambiguity in our relationship. There's a certain…vagueness. We think we have very clear boundaries and responsibilities in how we interact and raise Ruth. It's something we need to be clearer about. Did I mention there was a certain ambiguity in our relationship? I think there needs to be, how should I put it, a synergy in our conduct. It's a matter of considerable complexity..."

An observer might have wondered how long Riley was going to talk like this. Some might have thought she was stuck in a loop. But that's not what Ben thought. "This isn't a trick! This isn't a trap! You're not here to tell me you're leaving and giving me nothing but an address to send child support checks to. You're in love with me. No, you love me!" And immediately he reached out and embraced her. Riley was surprised, but soon returned his kiss and embraced him back. After a minute they came up for air.

"Yes, I do love you." And she smiled.

Ben sat down on a bar stool. "All right. Let me think. We should go on a date. Next week is Emma's birthday, so we have to be there for that. You're still playing classical music for Ruth, and there's all sorts of places in the city where you can see them. The local library has all sorts of events which we can take both Ruth and Emma to. Actually, I have been looking for movies you might actually like. Films that don't have explosions. There's this retrospective in a week or two: what do you think of Barbara Stanwyck?"

Riley nodded. "Those are all good ideas Ben. But what I was thinking is that we return home." She took a breath. "And have sex."

Ben was startled. "Yes. Uh-huh. Yes that's an extremely good idea. Yes it is." And they embraced each other again. A few seconds later, Riley stuck her hand into one of Ben's pockets and took out his wallet.

"You know that you actually make more money than me."

"Just checking to make sure we have what we need for tonight." Riley smiled. But as it wasn't there, she became angry. "Seriously?! SERIOUSLY?! After two unplanned pregnancies!?"

"Riley, I'm sorry! I got some condoms months ago for Elle, but then I threw them out a couple of weeks ago when they expired. And that was kind of depressing, and I thought, well not only could it take months for you to get over Danny, but I'll have at least a week's notice before anything actually happens."

Riley sighed. "No, you do have a point. Does the ladies' washroom condom dispenser work?"

"Hey first thing I learned about running a bar. Make sure the bathrooms are absolutely perfect."

"All right. I'm going to get some condoms. And I will meet you at your apartment."

 _About ten years earlier_

Victoria was having a drink and looked out a window. "Why do the boys still have a treehouse?" But then she realized what Danny and Josie Feltshank were doing and spit out her wine.

Meanwhile Ben was still talking on the phone to Jessica Feltshank. "No, Danny is sick. I think it's something he ate. No, I haven't seen your sister here. No, I have no idea why you would think she was here." Unfortunately for Ben, Victoria caught the tail end of that conversation. "What is the matter with you? Both of you boys are lying to some innocent young girl. Your mother would be ashamed of you!" And she yanked him by the ear while Riley picked herself up from the floor.

Just then Bonnie broke herself off from Peter Manafort. "No! This is wrong!" She looked at herself. "Oh. You found a way to unbutton my shirt. But you are not getting away with this! I'm going to tell Vicky about your womanizing the next time I see her!" Just then Victoria made a cursory knock on the door, but then opened it before Bonnie could do anything. Still dragging Ben with her, she declared, "Your sons are behaving outrageously! This son here..." and then she saw Bonnie and her husband.

"Vicky, this isn't what it looks like," Bonnie pleaded. Just then, Manafort's pants dropped to the floor.

 _The present at the bar_

Tucker had gotten Bonnie and Victoria to sit down again. "How was Regina?" Bonnie asked.

"She's fine. She's going to Princeton in the fall. And it's actually very considerate of her to call her mother on a Friday evening. Her boring old mother. Who nobody likes. Who nobody cares for..." and just then Victoria started crying.

"Hey, what's wrong?" And Bonnie reached out to console her.

"We had an argument! She doesn't love me anymore! The one person who I thought truly loved me looks down at me! And it's all my fault. Regina likes Fred Astaire. And I'm just pretending to like old movies so I'll seem witty and sophisticated. I'm a phony!" And she resumed crying.

"I think this is larger than just a minor disagreement." Tucker noted.

"Look, me and Ben have fights all the time. And I'd be so pissed if he hooked up with Riley again. But we know that we love each other."

Victoria shook her head. "Look. I'm nearly 50..."

"But..but..but..." Bonnie interrupted. "Don't put it that way. Say you're 46 and two years."

"...who's going to marry me? Peter's remarried to someone younger than Ben. Who's going to look twice at me?"

"Don't be silly Vicky. Plenty of men would like you. I'm sure Bob Perrin would marry you, once he divorces that harridan Jennifer."

"Mrs. Wheeler!" Tucker interrupted. "What about my Dad?"

"What about him?"

"Well he's rich, he's handsome, he's single, and most important, he's not currently married to Riley's Mom! Wouldn't he be a much better choice?"

"Really? I don't think he and Vicky have that much in common."

"They have the exact same profession!"

Just then Bonnie's phone rang. It was Brad, and all three could see him. "Hi Bon-Bon! The meeting in Westchester ran late, but I'm just about to take the train back to the city. See you in a couple of hours."

"Can't wait to see you!" And Bonnie hung up.

"Your husband's very handsome," Victoria noted.

"He is indeed."

"I hope you're very happy."

"Well, thanks Vicky. I...I..." Bonnie struggled to find the words. "What I'm trying to say is...is..." But just then more than forty years of slights and condescending behavior returned to her memory. "...I beat you! Yes, I win, you lose!" to a shocked Vicky and Tucker.

 _Coda_

Riley was outside carrying half a dozen condoms and was trying to find a way to put them in her purse. Then she realized she didn't have to. Why should she care what other people thought? She was going to have sex with the man she loved. She noticed Ben a block or so ahead, having foisted his duties for the rest of the evening on someone else. They smiled at each other, and Riley was about to rush up to meet him. But out of the corner of her eye she noticed Victoria leaving the bar, crying and very distraught. She was so distraught she didn't bother to notice the traffic as she jaywalked across the street. She certainly didn't see the large truck that was bearing down on her.

"Mrs. Manafort!" But Victoria didn't notice either her or the honked horn. Acting from pure instinct, Riley dashed into the street and successfully pushed Ben's aunt out of harm's way. Victoria found herself, started but safe, on the opposite street.

Riley wasn't so lucky...

 **TV Guide Preview 6.17 "Tear Diary"**

Excerpts from Riley's diary are read, showing her alternating feelings for Danny and Ben. Bonnie gives Emma a very special birthday gift. Ben becomes very interested in the result of a charity hockey game.

 **TV Guide Preview 6.18 "One Down, Two to Go."**

Bonnie finds herself having a meeting with Riley's boss. Tucker has a plan to get ahead in the entertainment business and impress Vanessa, and it involves Danny. Ben has a desperate plan to get Riley back.


	11. Chapter 11 617 Tear Diary

**Tear Diary  
**  
 _Intro_

[From Previous Episode] Riley: _Mrs. Manafort!_

It was a wonderful morning. Actually Ben didn't know if it was a wonderful morning or not, since he couldn't see through the curtains in Riley's bedroom. For all he knew there could be two feet of snow outside on the August Saturday and it wouldn't have mattered. All he cared was that he was in bed with Riley.

"Ruth's crying," he said, as Riley softly caressed him.

"Actually babies often cry because they don't know how to better communicate. She's just looking for attention. Well children need to learn patience, and there's no time like the present to start."

She kissed him. "I know what you're thinking."

"Well, if you keep waking up on top of me without any clothes on, that's not going to be too difficult."

"Not that silly," she smiled as she kissed him again. "You're afraid. You think you're going to do or say something stupid, and lose everything."

Ben reluctantly nodded. "I mean it's taken us so long to get to this point. And I don't want to jinx..."

Ben blinked. And all at once three things changed. He was no longer in Riley's bedroom, but in his own. He was no longer naked but in his normal underclothes. Riley wasn't with him, but Ruth was crying in the crib in Ben's bedroom.

There was a knock on the door. "Ben, are you ready for Riley's funeral?" Tucker asked.

 _Intro music_

 _Act 1  
_  
Ben was returning to his apartment with his two daughters, along with Bonnie, Tucker, Mrs. Perrin, Riley's sister Rebecca and Riley's aunt Margot. "Well that could have gone better." Tucker said sheepishly.

"Thank you Captain Obvious," Rebecca snarked.

"That was a disaster! And it was entirely your fault Ben Wheeler!" Mrs. Perrin angrily declared. "Why did you think it was a good idea to invite David Brinkerhoff?"

"Because he's Riley's father."

"No! Raymond Perrin is Riley's father. Just as I am her mother! I spent nearly all of Riley's life making sure she would never know."

"Look, ideally, it would be Riley's choice. But obviously she can't do that. Then it would be Ruth's choice. But she isn't even five months old. So I had to make the decision for her."

Bonnie interceded. "Look, this wasn't Ben's fault. Well not mostly. He didn't know that David had a crazy Chinese Jehovah's Witness of a wife, who only learned now that he had sired a child out of wedlock."

Aunt Margot also spoke up. "And that she would confuse you with me and spend ten minutes in front of the entire service denouncing you in what was apparently an extremely obscene tirade in Mandarin. Well who could have predicted that?"

Mrs. Perrin stared hard at Ben. "I wish my daughter had never met you."

Ben gulped. "I know this is difficult. But try to remember I'm the only parent Ruth has now."

"And you're the only person who doesn't think that's an unmitigated disaster."

Bonnie spoke up. "Why are we here and not at the bar for the wake? Because now more than ever I could really use a drink."

"Actually somebody from Riley's law firm is going to read Riley's will, and he insisted we meet him at her apartment." Ben said. Just then the elevator dinged and Palladino appeared. Soon they were all sitting down while Palladino stood in front of them with a large bundle of papers. "Actually the will is very simple." he said. "Everything goes to Ruth. Ben, who has full custody of Ruth, will keep all of Ms. Perrin's financial assets in trust for Ruth until she turns 21. All of Ms. Perrin's worldly goods will be kept by Mrs. Perrin in trust also until she turns 21. Basically these documents show how you manage a trust without being sued. They also discuss Ms. Perrin's sole real asset, her life insurance policy which will pay off her law school and credit card debts."

Palladino handed to the will to Ben. He looked over it and handed it to Rebecca. "I give full custody of Ruth to her father Benjamin Bon Jovi Wheeler." she read out loud before she handed it to an unhappy Mrs. Perrin. The group broke up, and Palladino took Ben aside. "Actually there's a special reason I insisted I come here. I need to find the papers Ms. Perrin was working on and take them back to the firm."

"Oh, of course. I'll help you find them."

"Actually you can't help me. There's attorney-client confidentiality, and this is something I have to do all by myself." Soon, everyone was gone from the room, and Palladino was typing on his laptop. "Everything fine. None suspect a thing. I can plant the forged documents and they'll be none the wiser."

Ms. Jensen IMed in response. "Actually there's a complication..." Palladino immediately winced on reading this. "...Don't panic. But it's a little implausible for Riley to be the mastermind of a ruthless criminal enterprise, and then die selflessly saving someone's life. We need to expand our scapegoat circle just a little more. And I know who we should use."

An hour later Vanessa hugged Tucker in the bar. "How's Ben?"

"He's been very quiet. He's said nothing about Riley." Vanessa moved to the bar where Ben was working. "Hello Ben. I just want to say, again, I'm sorry."

"Thank you."

"She died in your arms?" Aunt Margot said, who was watching both Ruth and Emma. "Wow. I didn't realize that."

"Actually I think she was dead by the time I got to her."

"Well at least she didn't suffer," Tucker replied.

"People told me that when Danny and Elle died." Ben paused, then returned to drying the glass he was holding. "It's not as consoling as people think it is."

Emma sat nearby unhappily. "Worst birthday ever."

Meanwhile back in Riley's apartment, Mrs. Perrin and her daughter were packing up Riley's things, when Victoria Manafort knocked on the door outside. "Jennifer, I wanted to tell you this before, but then that strange Chinese woman started yelling. I am so sorry about the loss of your daughter. I owe her my life."

Mrs. Perrin nodded, taking a superhuman effort to restrain her rage at the Wheelers. "Well thank you. And you shouldn't feel guilty at all. It's entirely the fault of your sister."

"I'm right behind you." Bonnie pointed out.

"I'm well aware of that. But I was a bit unfair. It's also the fault of your nephew."

"I'll let myself out." Victoria said.

Rebecca was packing her sister's books. "Hey, it's Riley's diary." Rebecca flipped through it.

 _About seven months earlier_

Danny was inviting Ben to play, of all things, a game of chess. "I didn't know this before. But I'm really good at this. I beat Riley three games in a row."

Ben was suspicious. " _You_ beat Riley? I've never been able to do that. I can't think more than a couple of moves ahead."

Danny smiled happily. "I guess it's an intuitive ability. Playing hockey gives me a natural ability to think strategically."

Ben was still suspicious. But he agreed to play, and played along. About 45 minutes later he conceded defeat. "Well you beat me. Checkmate."

Tucker looked over the board. "What are you talking about? There are half a dozen moves you could make. If you move these rooks you could checkmate him in three moves."

"Oh no," Danny objected. "The white rook can only move one space at a time. At least when the white king's in check. It's complicated. You have to be an expert like me to get all the rules."

"Oh for crying..." but Riley elbowed Tucker to keep him quiet. They moved away to the refrigerator. "So this is one of those silly games you play. You must really love him to go through this charade."

"Of course I love him. He's the father of my child."

 _The Present_

Rebecca shrugged her shoulders. "Well that was touching in a boring sort of way. How about something hotter? So what's it like to date the incredible Dan Wheeler?"

 _About eighteen months earlier_

Finally Danny and Riley were about to make love. They were in Danny's apartment near the windows opposite of Bonnie's apartment. Riley smiled with an unseen eagerness, while Danny had already removed his shirt and was twirling a tulip in his left hand.

 _The Present_

"Last night I slept with Danny for the first time." Rebecca was annoyed. "That's it? What kind of diary is that?"

Jennifer Perrin snatched the journal from her only child. "She wasn't writing soft-core porn for your benefit." Mrs. Perrin looked through the diary herself.

 _About sixteen months earlier_

Danny and Riley were just about to enter the elevator, when Tucker dashed out of his apartment. "Hold the door!" Riley did, and soon they were all descending. "I'm so frustrated," Tucker griped. "And I'm so angry with Ben for losing my job with Mary Hart!"

"I'm confused." Danny wondered. "I thought it wasn't the actual recording Ben made that got you fired, but that you mouthed off afterwards that you did. And that Ben stepped up to help you, and you twice screwed it up by sassing Mary."

"Well yes," Tucker admitted. "But Ben's recording was a necessary condition to my getting fired, and it's a basic principle of logic that a necessary condition is always a sufficient one."

Danny accepted this. Riley didn't. "That is _not_ how necessary and sufficient conditions..." But then the elevator shuddered to a halt. "Oh yeah," Danny remembered. "The super told me that they're doing tests on the elevator all today. So service is going to be a bit slow. Now that I mention it we should have taken the stairs."

Riley broke the awkward silence. "So Tucker, is Ben still mooning after Sam?"

"Oh yeah, pretty much. I'm not sure what his next plan is, but I'm sure it will be a stupid one."

"She's not right for him."

"I agree." Danny said.

"Thank you Danny." Riley said, looking up and smiling at Danny. "I think Zoey would be a much better choice."

'Oh yeah. Sam is way too hot for Ben. She's completely out of his league. What he needs is somebody nice, somebody who forces him to be responsible."

"Guys, you're all missing the big question." Tucker interrupted. "Do you think I have a shot with Sam? I mean there's this old colleague. Should I talk to her about getting a job? Or should I sleep with her? Never mind, I can do both."

"Well, we can all agree that Sam is not right for Ben." Riley nodded uneasily.

"So why did I feel guilty right at that moment, when Zoey is totally the right person for Ben?" Riley wrote in her diary.

 _Act 2_

 _About ten months earlier_

"More scones Mrs. Perrin?" Danny offered. Riley was about three months pregnant.

"Did Riley bake these?"

"She did indeed."

"Then I'll have two." Just then Danny's phone rang. "I'll just take this." Mrs. Perrin tossed the two scones in the trash the second his back was turned, though in full view of Riley. "It's the coach. He wants me to meet him." He kissed Riley goodbye and left.

After waiting 15 seconds, Mrs. Perrin got up and bolted the apartment door. "All right, about our little problem. You want my advice?" Riley nodded.

"Say nothing. As far as you know, there's no reason to doubt Danny's the father. Everything suggests that it's probable, and there's nothing that suggests that it's not possible. Danny knows you've been with other men, and he doesn't want, or need, to know the specifics. Just to make sure, hint to Edna..."

"Her name is Emma."

"Yeah whatever. Tell what's her name that marrying cousins is icky. And should it even turn out that Danny isn't the father, just lie. You already chose Danny and if you're not having his baby now, you will at some point. I don't need to tell you that Ben is just not right for you. So once again, lie."

 _The Present_

"You told Riley to lie!? To Danny?!" Bonnie was livid.

Mrs. Perrin was calm. "Of course I did. Are you really surprised I put my daughter's welfare over your son's?"

"Well yeah. Danny's awesome, and Riley's lame."

Meanwhile at the bar, Tucker was looking over the guest list for the wake. "How did you know Riley Perrin?"

"I didn't really. But I know the woman who was supposed to be her mother-in-law. And quite frankly, I could use a few free drinks. And there's my name." Lucia Pavone pointed it out and entered. "I'd like a scotch." Ben poured her one, while a bored Emma sat on one of the stools. Pavone took some chips as well and sat down on a table where Margot was trying to coo to an unhappy Ruth. Overhead a charity hockey game was playing. "Do you like hockey?" Margot asked.

"Meh. It's OK."

"That blonde guy is very striking. He seems to be a marvelous player." Margot gushed with clear sexual attraction. She pointed to a very tall and very physically impressive skater who currently held the puck.

Pavone shrugged. "He's overrated. See that Asian player?" And she pointed to a player of average height on the opposing team, and therefore one of the shorter people on the ice. "In a minute, he's going to deke the puck away from the Swede. But instead of shooting to the goal on the other end, he's going to shoot towards his own goal. It'll miss of course and ricochet back to his opponents. They'll take the puck but they'll be confused and instead of having a good shot toward their goal, they'll just end up giving him an excellent opportunity to pass the goal to the other side. He's not going to pass it directly to the goal. Instead he's going to send it to the side in such a way that three players of the other side will try to take it and collide with each other. In the few seconds left he'll skate past them and he'll aim not at the goal, but at the only player from the other team blocking it. He'll aim at the skate, and the player will be so surprised that he'll accidentally kick it into his own net."

Pavone returned to her drink and therefore paid little attention to the uproar as the bar was startled by the maneuver that took place exactly as she said. When the goal was scored, she didn't notice Ben behind staring behind at the screen, letting alone him tapping on a surprised Tucker's shoulder.

 _About four and a half months earlier_

Riley had arrived home from the hospital with Ruth. As she was getting out of the elevator, Tucker welcomed her. "Where's Ben?" she asked.

"I'm not sure. At the moment he's organizing three wakes, and he's either talking to Elle's family or he's at the funeral home with Danny's coffin." Tucker winced. "Also, he's running the bar, and won't be home until late. Although he did tell me that you could contact him immediately if you needed anything."

Riley pondered this for a moment. "No. I'm sure I'll need a lot of help, but I have to do much of this alone. And tonight is a good day as any to get started."

She moved to her door, but Tucker raced up to it before she could open it. "Oh one thing! During your interminable labor, some of Danny's teammates came over to help welcome the new baby, and I let them into your apartment." He smugly opened the door with his key, and both were confronted with a huge blue banner. "IT'S A BOY!"

"Oh right."

About twenty minutes later, Riley was alone with her daughter, and was about to put her into her crib for the very first time. "Well, we're alone. And what I have to say is not very good. Either one of two things is true, and neither of them is very happy. In the first one, you'll never know who your father is, because he died a couple of hours before you were born. That's horrible. But if that is true, it means there will be a lot of people who will be sorry for you. And I suspect one of them will want to be your father. So at least you won't be alone. The second thing, is that you do have a father. And he will love and do you everything he can for you. But that's arguably even worse. Because it means you shouldn't have a family who loves you. It means I'm a horrible mother who lied to her best friend who always loved her. It means I shouldn't love your father, because I would be betraying the man who thought he was your father. All I wanted was to be a good person, and I'm worse than every woman I've ever sneered or ridiculed behind her back. Which means I'll probably fail you and I don't want to do that." Riley broke down and wept. She recovered. "I'm probably not being fair to Ben as well, but that's something we can talk about later."

 _The Present_

The wake was over and Ben was finally opening presents for Emma's birthday. "See. It's 'Make way for Ducklings'!"

Emma was not pleased. "I already have it."

Ben slapped his head. "Of course. I completely blocked it out."

"Way to go Ben." Tucker snidely commented. Emma then opened Tucker's present, which was another copy of 'Make Way for Ducklings.' She then opened Bonnie's present, which was yet another copy of 'Make Way for Ducklings.' Bonnie tried to make the best of the situation. "Look, many rich and snobbish parents spoil their children with three or four copies of the same ridiculously expensive toy or doll. But you're special. You have four copies of 'Make way for Ducklings.' That's wonderful!"

Ben knelt down. "I'm sorry, Emma. You deserve a better birthday. Look, in a few days when it's not so crazy, we'll celebrate it properly." He turned to Aunt Margot. "Riley's Mom and sister are still in her apartment, right?"

"I certainly hope so. They're my ride home.

"Could you watch Emma for a few minutes? I need to talk to Mrs. Perrin."

Rebecca was still flipping through Riley's diary. "The last few months aren't very interesting. 'Today Ben and I took Ruth and Emma to the library.' 'Today me and Ben went to the library with Emma and Ruth.' 'Today Ben went with me and Ruth as we got her shots. He even made sure that Ruth would associate him, and not me, with the needle.' There's a lot about Riley and that brat who's Ruth's half-sister." Just then Ben entered, and Rebecca hid the diary.

"Mrs. Perrin, I have a favor to ask you."

"Oh this will be rich. What is it?"

"I want to ask you, if something happens to me, you'll agree to take care of Ruth."

"Of course I would."

"But there's a condition." Ben added, as his mother came in, catching the tail end of the conversation.

"Of course there is. What is it?"

"You have to take Emma as well. If I go, she'll be the only family Ruth has left."

"Why can't Bonnie take care of her?"

Ben paused, and said his words carefully. "Because I don't want Emma to grow up to be like my mother. I want both of my daughters to be like Riley."

Mrs. Perrin smiled, noticing the pain in Bonnie's face. "Of course. I would be happy to."

 _Two Months Earlier_

Mrs. Perrin was having lunch with Riley. "So how's the idiot?'

"Well right now he's taking care of our daughter." Riley drummed her fingers on the café table. "He still loves me."

"You don't have to love him back. You know he's no good for you."

"I don't know. What if I've been going about this all wrong? When I quarreled with Danny over Sam, what if it wasn't me being spiteful and vindictive? What if I realized subconsciously that he wasn't good for me? What if I only loved him before he died because I thought he was Ruth's father? What if I wasn't in love with him at all?"

"Wow! What a lot of rhetorical questions! Let's compromise! You did in fact love Danny, but you should feel guilty for not loving him more. I'm sure Father De Maistre would love that!"

"Mom, this is serious! What if what I most loved about being with Danny was that other people envied me for being with a rich and handsome hockey player? I mean for years I loved Ben when he ignored me. Now when he was in desperately in love with me and trying to be the man I always wanted him to be, why would I turn to his hotter, stupider brother?"

"What, are you saying that Danny willed you into loving him back?" Mrs. Perrin chuckled. Then she was alarmed when Riley froze. "What's the matter?"

"Déjà vu. When I broke up with Ben, I said exactly the same thing, that I willed him into loving me."

 _The Present_

Later Ben was his apartment, looking at his laptop. "Well it's been a perfectly miserable day." Tucker muttered. "What are you looking at?"

"I'm thinking about my future." Just then there was a knock at the door, and Ben got up to open it.

"Angela!"

 _Act 3_

"Angela! What are you doing here?"

"Remember when you said if there was no Riley, you might try and make it work with me. Well, I know this isn't the best day. But it is Emma's birthday. And there is no Riley. Look! I brought presents!"

Ben said nothing. He did not change his expression. Instead he simply shut the door in Angela's face and returned to his laptop.

Tucker was startled. "That was harsh. I mean, Riley's only been buried for six hours. But Angela is Emma's mom, and it is Emma's birthday."

"Well if I haven't found someone in six months, she can try again."

 _About seventeen months earlier_

Riley was having a very rare meeting with her sister late one evening. Rebecca was eying a picture of Danny. "Wow! I forgot how hot Danny was."

"Always how you want your sister to talk about your boyfriend."

"No, no. But I am surprised that it took so long to realize what a stud he is. Seriously you were the last to know."

"I didn't choose Danny because of his looks."

"Of course not. He's also rich."

"There's all kinds of reasons I choose Danny. He's always loved me. He's dreamed us of being together since he was seven."

"Huh. That's his dream, not yours."

"He's...what's the best way of saying this? He's dependable. He would never knowingly hurt me." Just then the phone rang. It was Danny. "Hi honey! You just landed at JFK?"

"Actually, I'm in Boston. It's a bit of a funny story."

"What are you doing in Boston?"

"Well I was running to make my connection. And they were closing the doors. But I was able to sweet talk the gate agent that I just had to make my flight and get home to you. Then I got into a seat and fell asleep, knowing that I would soon have you in my arms. It was only when I woke up, that I realized that I had gotten on the wrong plane."

"I'm surprised that they allowed you to do that."

"Well, I may have been a _little_ flirtatious. But I was only thinking of you babe! But when I explained it to people on the ground, they thought it was suspicious and one of them suggested I call a lawyer."

Riley sighed. "OK, I'll see what I can do." As she took down the number where Danny was, Rebecca smirked "That 'knowingly' does a lot of work in that sentence."

 _The Present_

Mrs. Perrin looked up from the diary and scowled at Rebecca. "What?" Rebecca wondered.

Meanwhile Ben was still on his laptop while Aunt Margot was near the end of a story she had been telling Emma. "And although both of them were dead, his true love had created a wonderful green pearl with magical qualities, that survived all the persecutions that had forced them into the catacombs."

Emma was puzzled. "What good is the pearl if they're dead?" Just then Bonnie and Brad returned. Bonnie raced over to Emma. "You're probably feeling sad about your birthday. But your wonderful grandmother got you a special gift." Somewhat rudely pushing Margot aside, Bonnie smiled and took out a small red box. She happily opened it. "These are your first set of earrings! Look at how pretty they are! Once you put them on everyone will see how beautiful you look!"

She handed Emma the box. "Oh wait, Brad needs me." And Bonnie went to talk to her husband. Emma took out the earrings and put them to her ears. Since her ears weren't pierced they fell to the floor when she let go of them. "They're broken," she said sadly.

 _About Two Weeks Earlier_

[From 6.14] _Ben turned around, as Riley went to her apartment. "Now I know that date went very badly, but if you give me another chance I can find you a proper date."_

 _"Don't bother." Riley replied icily. And she shut the door in Ben's face._

Once inside, she quickly put Ruth in her crib, and then dashed back to the door and watched Ben and Emma enter their apartment. She made it just in time to catch Emma asking "Why are you smiling?' Riley's iciness had already melted away and now she was breathing very hard. Fearing that Ben might hear her, she covered her mouth and then hastily ran back to Ruth. She picked her daughter up. "Ruth, I want you to be happy, and I want you to have a father who loves you. And I wish you didn't have to cry. And I know I've begged you so many times to stop crying. But I want what's best for you. And the best thing for you is to start crying. Because I need a very good reason for me not to go across the hall, knock on the door and grab your father in my arms. And do other things...which would be a really bad idea. Because I so so want to do that. But it isn't the right time. So if you could please cry. Just a little. Not too much. Because if you cry too loudly, your father might come over and I don't know what I would do if he did." Riley paused. "That's not true. I know exactly what I would do."

Ruth started crying softly. Riley gently rocked her and smiled. "Thank you sweetie. We just have to be patient. We all have the time in the world."

 _The Present_

Ben was still working on his laptop. A hint of a smile was on his face when Brad spoke up. "Ben as your stepfather, I feel I should be giving some paternal advice." There was an awkward silence as Brad realized he didn't really know either Ben or Riley well enough. "Ben, I know this is a difficult time. And...you need good advice. So...don't spend all your time looking at porn! It's not good."

"What's this about porn?" Bonnie asked.

"He shouldn't look at it." Brad said.

"Ben, how can you be looking at porn at a time like this?"

"I'm not looking at porn!" Ben declared.

"He's looking at a 9/11 memorial site." Brad said.

"Dude that's sick!" Tucker shouted.

"Yeah, Ben!" Bonnie was indignant. "I didn't like the porn you looked at when you were a teenager, but at least it was normal. Or predictable."

"I actually have my own reasons to look at this!" Ben responded.

"Yeah, like what?"

"Take your pick! I have strong memories watching the actual events as a kid. I live in not only the city, but on the same island where it happened. International terrorism is still a major issue in the world today." Ben sighed. "Look it's been a long and very horrible day. I think we should all call it a night."

 _One week ago_

Riley was having lunch with her mother. It was not going well. "Riley, I know exactly what you're thinking. You want to get back with Ben. And that's a bad idea."

"I did what you asked. I shoved the most attractive woman he knows into his face, and he didn't take a bite."

"Oh Riley, Riley, Riley...that's the wrong test."

"Of course it is."

"Of course he's going to choose you over another woman, especially when you're right there watching him. You're the best thing that ever happened to him. The test is whether he'll sleep with someone else when he thinks you're not watching. That's what's going to break down any marriage you're stupid to have with him."

 _The Last Day of Riley's Life_

"I have a plan, and if it works, me and Ben will be together tonight. First, I need someone to test Ben."

Riley was talking to the attractive brunette who would try to hook up with Ben later that night.

"I find it so hard to meet men after my fiancée died." Riley moped. "Sometimes I go to that bar, but I can't go through with it."

"What about the lead bartender, Ben Wheeler? He is both easy on the eyes, and easy pretty generally."

"Oh, Ben Wheeler's gay."

The brunette laughed derisively. "Oh come on."

"I'll bet you twenty dollars you can't get his telephone number."

"Challenge accepted!"

"Tonight there is going to be one final test. And if Ben passes, we will be together. And he is going to pass. There will always be Danny's memory. But I loved Ben because I knew he was good. I was wrong to be with Danny. Ben is the diamond in the rough. And I have faith in him."

 _The present_

Rebecca stopped reading the final words in Riley's diary were. "We should tell him."

"Should we? I don't think so." Mrs. Perrin said confidently.

"They loved each other. She loved him. He deserves to know that."

"Did she? I don't see that."

"How can you say that mother?"

"I see a lonely woman, suffering from the shock of losing the man who always loved her, turning to the man who got her pregnant out of sheer luck. The right time to choose was when both Danny and Ben were alive. And she chose Danny."

"That's harsh."

"You think Ben loved Riley.I disagree. Being a father isn't enough. Wanting her isn't enough. It's not _proof_. Look, we'll compromise. In twenty plus years Ruth can read her mother's diary. And if she has any respect for her father, she can tell him herself."

Shortly thereafter, Mrs. Perrin completed putting the last thing in boxes, preparing for their moving in a few days. Rebecca was already downstairs with Margot getting a taxi. As Mrs. Perrin locked the door behind her she saw Emma crying on the stairs.

"What's wrong dear? Is it about your birthday?"

Emma shook her head. "Ruth's mommy is dead. I wanted her to be my mommy. I told Daddy that, and he said not to tell anyone. He said if I waited everything would be all right. But it wasn't."

Emma started crying again. Mrs. Perrin sat down to console her. While Emma wept in her lap, for the first time that day, a single tear rolled down Mrs. Perrin's cheek.

 _Coda_

It was early the next day, and Madame Pavone had opened her fortune-telling shop. Ben was the first to enter, and on doing so immediately changed the "open" sign to "closed."

"Excuse me?" she asked.

"Good morning Madame Pavone. You are going to help me get Riley back."

 **TV Guide Preview 6.18 "One Down, Two to Go."**

Bonnie finds herself having a meeting with Riley's boss. Tucker has a plan to get ahead in the entertainment business and impress Vanessa, and it involves Danny. Ben has a desperate plan to get Riley back.

 **TV Guide Preview 6.19 "Groundhog Night."**

Tucker has the best day of his life, both professionally and romantically, but he finds himself slipping backward in time. Danny finally returns to the bar, in the flesh. Ben realizes there is something very wrong with his plans. 


	12. Chapter 12 618 One Down, Two to Go

**One Down, Two to Go**

 _Intro_ **  
**  
Madame Pavone stared back at Ben. "I'm sorry. You seem to be confused. I'm a fortune teller. I can't raise the dead. Nobody can."

Ben was determined, and surprisingly confident. "I'm not asking you to raise the dead. But you can genuinely predict the future. Which means you can alter the past."

 _Intro Music_

 _Act 1_

Bonnie was having a very chipper August morning for someone who had just buried her granddaughter's mother the day before. She was outside on a sunny day about to meet an appointment, when her phone rang. It was Tucker. "Hello, Mrs. Wheeler. I wanted to ask you...Wait are you outside?"

"I certainly am."

"Uh, Mrs. Wheeler, don't you actually have a job? I mean it is only quarter past nine, so I'm sure there's a lot of morning drinking to do."

"I am working silly. I've actually found a way to unite my talents with my real estate job in one successful package."

"What talents are those again? You're flirtatious, you drink a lot, and you show no initiative or drive on anything except the son you lost more than four month ago."

"Exactly! That's why I'm perfect at this! I'm a vibrant, beautiful woman full of sexual energy and charisma. And that naturally appeals to rich men who want to talk real estate. Then I subtly remind them that I'm happily married to an incredibly handsome man. So they feel guilty, and actually want to do real estate business. And because I'm a blonde they already underestimate my IQ by 15 points so I score there as well."

"Ah. Well, as I've told your other son on too many occasions, you could achieve so much more if you combined your cunning and guile with real work. So who's the gullible fish you're reeling in today?"

"Well today it's not a millionaire. It's some lawyer, she seems vaguely familiar."

"So you're going to be flirting with a she."

"Oh don't worry. I can play-act both sides of the street."

"Actually Mrs. Wheeler, I called for a reason. I was wondering whether you could come by my studio at two o'clock. I actually have a very special surprise for you."

"This isn't like that April Fool's Day when you tried to cover me with whipped cream, but got Danny instead?"

"It's actually about this new technological process, but you'll have to see it to believe it."

"I can make two. Oh wait there's my meeting." Bonnie hung up and walked over to the cafe where Ms. Jensen was waiting for her.

Meanwhile Madame Pavone was trying to explain things. "OK, you see all the Gypsy stuff. It's all an act. I don't know any Gypsy secrets. See all the photos around here? See the pictures of my family? Have you been listening to me? I'm clearly an Italian girl from Queens. If it was any more obvious, there'd be a bunch of Italian Americans protesting that I was a crude stereotype. I make a living telling suckers what they want to hear. I can't actually predict the future."

Ben shook his head. "That's what I thought. But the day you and my mom tried to keep me and Riley apart, you successfully bet on an underdog team. And yesterday you predicted an impossible hockey goal before it happened."

"It was a lucky guess!"

"I've been watching hockey games all my life. That shot was literally more than a million to one."

"I must have watched it before and that was a replay!"

"It was being broadcast live."

Madame Pavone was clearly uncomfortable but she rallied. "Look. I know you're unhappy. You just lost your...what was she again? She wasn't your fiancée. She certainly wasn't your wife. She wasn't really your girlfriend. Oh I got it! She was your baby momma. That's what you call a woman who bears your child after a one night stand. Let's call her that." Madame Pavone smiled smugly, but then noted the determination in Ben's face. It had been unwise to show her clear contempt behind fake compassion.

At the same time Bonnie had sat down with Ms. Jensen. "Would you like the some coffee?" asked the black lawyer.

"Sure! It's not even 9:30, and I got so much better at this job when I decided not to have any cocktails before noon."

"Two lattes please," Ms. Jensen said to a waiter. "Now the reason I wanted to talk to you was because the late Ms. Perrin was interested in some real estate transactions. And looking over her files made me think of you and your firm."

Bonnie was nonplussed. "That's odd. Riley never talked to me about real estate."

"But actually they were some very interesting real estate transactions. Maybe she didn't talk to you because your firm was only peripherally involved in them..."

"Or maybe Riley didn't think I was any good at my job," Bonnie said to herself. "That would just be like that stuck up prig..."

"The important thing Ms. Walker..."

"Call me Bonnie. Or Mrs. Wheeler."

"The important thing Bonnie..." but just then Bonnie's phone rang. "Oh, I have to take this. Who's the number from?" Just then Emma appeared on her cell phone. "Emma darling! Why are you calling me?"

"We're learning about phones in daycare. And I called your number!"

"And you called me instead of your own father! That's so sweet." Emma shook her head. Actually Ben had turned off his phone so he could talk to Madame Pavone uninterrupted. "Isn't she the cutest little girl you've ever seen?" Bonnie enthused.

Ms. Jensen shrugged her shoulders. "I've seen children so adorable that their parents could get away from murder. This one's nice, but I wouldn't rely on her to get rid of a parking ticket."

"So hi to the nice lady who is helping your grandmother get even richer!"

Meanwhile Madame Pavone was trying to convince Ben to leave her alone. "Look, if I could really predict the future, do you think I would be here telling fortunes when I could be on a yacht in the Caribbean?"

"You already have your money. You think that getting too much money too soon will get you audited. You're playing a very long con. There's all kind of reasons."

"Let's try this. There's hundreds of psychics and fortune tellers in New York City. Now nearly sixteen years ago a bunch of terrorists destroyed the World Trade Center. Don't you think if any of them could predict the future one of them would give a heads up before that happened?"

"That's what I thought. So I did some research online. There's all kind of memorial websites about the victims. I found these two very interesting." Ben took out his phone and showed Madame Pavone a picture of an attractive young Italian-American couple, happily traipsing around Manhattan in the summer. "The man on the right was Tom Castellano, while the woman on the left was Gina Fantani. Don't they make a lovely couple?"

"Not really," Madame Pavone said through gritted teeth.

"You know, I think Gina was a real blonde. I mean both Riley and my mother are blondes, but they dye their hair. I suspect her breasts were real as well. They certainly are distinctive, and noticeably larger than, say, yours."

Madame Pavone glared at Ben with impotent anger as he continued. "Now you'd think such a couple would have died together. That they were on the same plane. Or they worked in the same office in the World Trade Center and that's how they met. But as it happened, Tom happened to be on American Airline Flight 11 and Gina was working on the exact floor of the North Tower, the 95th, that Flight 11 crashed into. Now the even stranger thing was that Tom got on the flight at the last minute. He phoned his best friend that he learned, quite incorrectly, that his mother was seriously ill. Meanwhile Gina only started working at the North Tower the day before, because somebody convinced the HR director of the office, who of course, didn't survive 9/11, to hire her almost completely out of the blue. Tragic, isn't it?"

"Very," Madame Pavone almost mumbled.

"Now here's the really funny thing. None of Gina's friends realized that Tom was married. And you've been running this business all over New York as Madame Pavone for twenty years ever since you left Community College. But for four years, from 1997 to 2001, you weren't Lucia Pavone, but Lucia Castellano. And I can't help noticing that in all the photos of friends and families you don't have any photos of your husband brutally murdered by terrorists. Which is odd, because I can see a photo of you in your wedding dress with Tom's parents. Now let's suppose what would happen if someone anonymously told Homeland Security you knew about the 9/11 attacks beforehand and that you set up your husband and his girlfriend to be murdered."

"You have no proof."

"Oh did I say I would be doing it? I don't recall doing so. But the funny thing is that you don't need proof to be investigated by the government for terrorist activities. And if I can figure out that you can predict the future, what's going to happen to you when the government realizes that as well?"

Ben was not by nature a ruthless man, and he felt a bit ashamed. "Look, I just want Riley back. If you play right be me I'll never bother you again."

Madame Pavone was clearly not happy with this. "Do you remember what clothes you were wearing the evening Riley died?"

"Uh-huh."

"Come back here at seven dressed in them. Bring $200 in cash."

Meanwhile, Bonnie was still chattering away merrily with Ms. Jensen. "There are a whole host of properties that would be absolutely perfect for you. You just don't realize it yet. And though I barely know you I get the feeling that we can work sublimely together!"

Ms. Jensen nodded politely. "Excuse me. I couldn't help but notice an interesting app on your phone. Could I look at it more closely?"

"Sure!"

"My law work is so busy that I really don't have the time to look at all sorts of important things. Updating my phone is such a nuisance..."

"I wonder where that waiter with our coffee is...oh speak of the devil." But before he could serve the coffee, the waiter stumbled and spilled two cups all over Bonnie's clothes.

"Oh no!" Bonnie gasped at the sheer horror of it all. "Why did I have to wear white after Labor Day?"

"It's not Labor Day yet." the waiter pointed out.

"Go back and get your boss, you idiot," Ms. Jensen remonstrated. As he did so, she tried to help with Bonnie's ruined clothes. "At least the coffee wasn't too hot."

"But now I have to go home to change!"

"We'll have to do this some other day. Oh, here's your phone back." Bonnie took it and left. Ms. Jensen walked her go away. Just then the manager arrived. "Did Lyle do something stupid?"

Ms. Jensen smiled. "Not at all. In fact, you should give him a raise." The manager left and Ms. Jensen took out her own phone and looked at the compromising information she had just placed on Bonnie's phone. Three pictures flashed by. The first was of Bonnie and Brad, along with some of her work colleagues. The second was of Tucker and his entertainment industry cronies. The third was of Ben and some of Danny's teammates.

"One down, two to go."

 _Act 2_

It was later that afternoon, and Ben had just come from a medical appointment for Ruth. She wasn't happy about it and was still crying. "There, there Ruth. Someday you'll realize that was all for your own good. Oh, there's Vanessa!"

Both were waiting to meet Tucker, who just appeared. "So you took Ruth to the doctor, Ben. I remember when you had your friends take her to have shots so that you wouldn't be associated with the needles. Remember that? You were so crazy and irresponsible. We all miss that."

"I miss a lot of things from those days. Why did you ask me to come?"

"You just think as a reporter, I don't really put my talents to best use. I just pass on entertainment hype and I'm not using my brains. Well today's the day I show that isn't true. Now where's your mother?"

"She tweeted me that she'll be here in a few minutes." Tucker ushered his girlfriend and his best friend towards a strange oblong looking room. Although the walls were actually made of glass, it was clearly dark inside. But before Tucker could show them inside he was confronted by a tall, aggressive man. "Why if it isn't Sucker Dobbs! Still pretending to be a journalist?"

"Hello Doherty."

"I don't know what you're doing here. But I've got a great scoop and I'm going to catch it right under your nose!" Doherty patted Tucker smugly and went on his way.

"He seems nice," Ben muttered, as Tucker opened the door to the oblong room. "Now what's this technological marvel you wanted me to..." But Ben couldn't believe what he next saw.

"Ben! It's so good to see you!"

"Danny?!" For indeed it was Danny, or certainly someone who looked and sounded exactly like him. Vanessa was equally startled.

"No, this is impossible. It can't be you!"

"People keep me telling that. I certainly think that it's me."

Just then Bonnie came in. "All right Tucker what's all this...Oh dear God."

"Mom! It's been so long! I want to reach out and hug you!" And Danny moved a few steps towards his mother. "But my doctors said there was some big word-psychosomewhat?-that prevents me from touching people."

"Psychosomatic?" Tucker suggested.

"Yeah! That's it. So apparently it's going to take a few days to get used to everything again. Hey! That must be my son!" And Danny waved to Ruth.

"I...I...I don't understand," gasped a shocked Bonnie. "How is this possible?"

"Well I was on the plane and a teammate of mine suggested we switch seats. So it was he that he got killed, while the crash gave me amnesia. And I've only just recovered!"

"Oh, could that possibly be true?"

"Mom, it can't be true." Ben objected.

"Ben, he's standing right in front of us."

"I can't believe this is happening." Vanessa muttered.

"Mom, when I was arranging his funeral, I saw Danny's body before it was put in the coffin. Danny's dead."

"I don't feel dead." Danny objected. "I think I'd be feeling a lot worse if I were. Oh, by the way, Ben thanks for taking care of Bobby Ray. The clothes look a little girlish though."

"Ben, it's easy to prove this is Danny." Bonnie objected. "We just have to ask him something only he would know."

"Uh, do we really have to?" Danny winced.

"Is there anything _Danny_ only knows?" Vanessa wondered.

"Yes! He knows things about Riley." Bonnie realized. "What's Riley's favorite flower?"

"Tulips!"

"What's her favorite food?"

"Chicken Parmesan!"

"What's her favorite movie?"

" _The Princess Bride_!"

Ben interrupted. "At your prom when you were Prom king, and Riley was all alone, who was your date?"

"Ummm... Uh... That doesn't have really anything to do with Riley."

"No, but it something the real Danny should know...and something Tucker wouldn't know." And Ben glared at Tucker. Ben walked right up to Danny and waved his hand right through him. "He's a hologram."

"What?" Bonnie wondered.

"I resent that!" Danny complained. "I don't know how, but that's racist!"

"You can't touch him, and he's not casting a shadow. He doesn't know anything that Tucker doesn't already know."

"Then how come I'm talking so much?" Danny asked.

"Somehow Tucker is doing it for you."

"That's ridiculous! Though it would be very clever of him to do so."

"Actually, I'm using ventriloquism." Tucker admitted.

"I can't believe I'm watching this." Vanessa wondered.

"Wow! I never would have guessed that!" Danny exclaimed. "Ben, you really don't give Tucker enough credit."

"Why thank you Danny," Tucker acknowledged.

"Danny, stop that!" Ben pleaded.

"Ben, why is it so difficult for you to recognize Tucker's abilities?' Danny the hologram complained.

"Danny, Tucker is literally putting words in your mouth. You do not actually have the capacity for independent thought."

"That's not what Riley would say if she were here."

"How does this hologram work?" Vanessa inquired.

"Glad you asked." Tucker smiled. "Essentially, the hologram can assume any form it wants. So far it's difficult to project outside this room. There are enough old voice messages from Danny that it can copy his voice. Part of it involves a sophisticated computer program that can help answer questions. And the advantage of using Danny is that he matches the delays the computer program would ordinarily have. And when there are problems with the program I can simply talk for him."

"Unbelievable."

"But that's not the best part. Do you know what a Turing test is? It's a way to test Artificial Intelligence, to see whether one can tell whether you're talking to a human being or a machine. Now we're going to see whether a news reporter like, say, Michael Doherty, can tell the difference between a hologram and a real human."

"Oh boy!" Danny exclaimed. "How does that work!"

"I don't think it's going to work." Ben pointed out.

"Ben, you're such a spoilsport!"

"Look, your hologram doesn't cast a shadow. And I think Doherty is going to notice Danny can't touch anything."

"Not a problem," Tucker confidently asserted. "What's the one thing a hologram can actually touch?"

"Oh I know!" Danny volunteered. "Umm...mirrors?"

"Close! Actually another hologram!" And Tucker took out a device that looked like a remote control and pushed a couple of buttons. And just then a hologram of Riley, dressed in a short blue skirt and wearing a black sweater appeared.

Vanessa saw Ben gasp with surprise. "Riley..." while Ruth saw her mother again, and started to cry. Danny immediately reached over and gave Riley a deep kiss. "Wow! This is the best day ever!"

"I'm glad you feel that way. So are you up with an interview with my wonderful colleague Doherty, whom I am totally not setting up?"

Soon Doherty was in the room sitting on a chair talking to hologram Danny and hologram Riley on hologram chairs. In another room Tucker smugly watched them while Ben, Ruth, Vanessa and Bonnie were behind him. "One more thing Mr. Wheeler. It's now public knowledge that your fiancée wasn't actually carrying your child, but your brother's. I just have to ask you-how does a relationship get over something like that?"

Hologram Riley started to cry and Hologram Danny soothed her. But then she managed (or more accurately "managed") to collect herself. "It is very hard, and it's even harder when it's entirely my fault. But Danny is such a wonderful, loving, perfect person that he's forgiven me, even though I completely don't deserve it." She wept again, and Danny consoled her.

"And what about your brother?"

Danny was the soul of magnanimity. "My brother didn't mean to hurt me. He knows what he did was wrong, and I know that he'll do the right thing." Vanessa turned to Ben and saw him repress a shudder.

"Well that's a remarkable story," Doherty said. A few hours later Doherty was watching his own interview while being interviewed by Tucker on how realistic the new holograms were. "It really was astonishing, even more than you thought." Tucker pointed out.

"Uh, yeah...Yeah, you could say so," a shell-shocked Doherty agreed.

"Incredible how lifelike these new holograms are. Don't you agree Danny?"

"Wow! I wouldn't believe it if I hadn't seen it myself."

"And that's a wrap, people," said one of the TV crew people. Tucker got up from his chair and strode over to Vanessa. "Wasn't that incredible baby?"

"Incredible isn't the right word."

"Did you see the look on Doherty's face?"

"I think millions of people will."

"This is the best day of my life! And it's just getting started." And Tucker reached into an inside coat pocket.

"That was the best day of your life? How could you think that?"

Tucker hesitated and put his hands behind his back. "Is something wrong?"

"Don't you realize what a horrible trick you played?"

"You're not feeling sorry about Doherty?"

"I don't care about him. You best friend just buried the love of his life yesterday..."

"Oh come on. Ben hasn't met the love of his life yet."

"You don't know that. More to the point, you used both him and his mother as guinea pigs for this silly hologram trick."

"Well who else knew Danny well enough to try it out on first?"

"Tucker you're not getting the point. All you care about is your own advancement. You don't have any principles and scruples. You suck up to people more powerful than yourself and you bully people weaker than you."

"That's...that's not true."

"Tucker you're greedy and manipulative and selfish!" Vanessa took a deep breath. "My mother once told me that if you realize that someone you love is a worthless rat, you should still give him three chances to become a better person." She took another breath. "One down, two to go."

 _Act 3_

It was seven in the evening, and Ben had returned to Madame Pavone's. He sat at a special table which was covered with a series of eerie talismans and symbols of strange significance. Madame Pavone accepted his $200, which she put into a small, entirely black casket. She then locked it and faced Ben.

"There are many tricks and turns to traveling in time. But there are three ironclad rules which you must know before we go any further. You are trying to change time, and time doesn't like that. Time is clever, it is determined, and it is ruthless. You have to be subtle, you have to be careful. You think you can go back to the night Riley died and save her. It doesn't work like that. The first rule is that you have to go back at least six months before the event you are trying to change. Any later and Time will swat you down like a mosquito.

"The second rule deals with the means of time travel. You remember the 'Back to the Future' movies? In particular the second movie, where there are two Michael J. Foxes running around 1955. Well that's not how it works. Have you ever heard of a TV series called 'Odyssey 5.'?"

"It's not ringing a bell."

"There's no reason why it should. It only lasted one season. But it dealt with survivors of the destruction of the Earth going back in time to try to save it. The kicker is that they could only send their _consciousness,_ not their body, into their previous selves. And that's the second rule. Your mind will inhabit your previous self, but only for ten minutes. Any longer and Time would notice.

"This leads to the third and the most important rule-the price."

"What price are you talking about? I just paid you $200."

"You were just buying my services. I'm guiding you on the path, providing you a basic road map. I provide basic services. For example, you wish to save Riley. I presume you don't want your aunt to die in her place. But you still have to pay for the Ferrari of time travel."

Ben sighed. "So how much are you going to nickel and dime me for?"

"You misunderstand me. You're not paying _me_ anything. You have to make a sacrifice-one third of the remainder of your life. You may live to 112. You may be hit by lightning next week. Regardless, you must spend one third of your life. Now I know what you're thinking. Suppose someone had 27 years to live. After he tried to change the past he would have eighteen years left. Would he then have twelve years, then eight, then sixty-four months and so on? No. He'd only have three tries. Do you understand?"

Ben gulped, and quickly calculated how much he had left to live. "Yes."

"Very well. You are going back at least six months for no more than ten minutes. If you succeed in changing the past you will return to the night Riley died; only she won't be dead. That's one reason I asked you to wear your clothes from that evening. If you don't change the past, your consciousness will return here ten minutes later. Close your eyes."

"Do you have any special advice for me?"

"If you really love her, you won't have a problem." There was something sarcastic in her tone that made Ben wary. But before he could do anything, there was a sudden rush, as if he was on a rollercoaster. There was a great impression of sensory overload, even though he couldn't actually see anything. Then there was a gasp and Ben found himself stumbling back in his apartment. He staggered as he tried to get his bearings. He was clearly wearing different clothes and it was sometime during the day. Ben had the sense to look at his watch. It was 2:36 in the afternoon. But what day or year? He quickly turned on the remote and flicked through the channels.

"OK, it's about two years ago. Let me think. In a few days Riley is going to take a train for her family reunion. If I don't screw it up, I can get closer to her. Except..."

"Were you saying something bro?"

Ben turned and was astonished to find Danny jogging shirtless out of his room. "Danny!" he gasped.

"Yeah, just doing some running around the block while exercising during the off season. See you later." Ben was still stunned to see his brother as Danny non-chalantly left the apartment. He shook his head and tried to focus. "OK, I need to do something in the next ten minutes that will change history. It's the afternoon, which means Riley's probably at work. So I should call her there."

He quickly dialed and waited nervously for Riley to pick up, especially as he realized that he couldn't think of a thing to say. "Hello?" said the law firm receptionist.

"Hi! I'm looking for Riley Perrin."

"I'm not sure if she's in, but I'll try to connect you."

Ben tensely waited for a few seconds. Then he heard Palladino: "...the money laundering is going really well. The transactions are completely hidden from the IRS and SEC, Our Russian and Czech friends will be very satisfied..."

Ms. Jensen interrupted. "What about the documents? You have to destroy the evidence of the real transactions and create a proper paper trail for the cover story..."

Ben spoke up. "Is Riley Perrin there?"

"Who the hell is this?" shouted Palladino.

"That idiot receptionist!" Ms. Jensen realized, and abruptly hung up.

"That was odd." Ben thought. Looking at his phone he realized it was a Saturday and that Riley probably wasn't at work. He called Riley's cell directly, and was surprised to hear it ringing on the kitchen table. Now he remembered. Riley was taking care of Emma this afternoon, and was probably spending it with Georgie, Danny's current girlfriend, just to be nice with her. Meanwhile, he had a couple of hours between shifts.

"Let me think. I need to do something in the next seven minutes that shows Riley I truly love her. I can't simply leave a message on the phone. In a few days I am going to get back together with her, and then break up a couple of months later for good. Why did that happen? Well she realized that Danny was awesome. But what did I do wrong? I was a horny idiot, but since we're not together right now not being a horny idiot isn't going to help me. Oh wait, I remember! Riley was unhappy that I didn't know enough her. Let me think. I still don't like 'The Princess Bride,' I can't actually cook Chicken Parmesan, and there's no way that I can casually work into the conversation that her favorite color is blue. Wait a minute! Tulips! I can get tulips! I can say they would be pretty for Emma, and then Riley can say that tulips are her favorite flowers, and I can say oh, I think I knew that. Especially if I remember to write it down."

Ben bolted out the door and ran down the stairs, not bothering to wait for the elevator. Fortunately there was a flower shop only a few blocks away. Nevertheless, his time was almost up when he paid for the flowers. He raced out the store and was dashing back to the apartment when he saw Riley pushing Emma in a stroller with Georgie by her. "This is perfect. I can say I got her the tulips as a gift for taking care of Emma."

"I'm surprised you haven't found a boyfriend yet," George gossiped to Riley.

"Uh, I just broke up with your brother a few weeks ago."

"Yes, but it's obvious who you rea..." and then Georgie shut up when Riley stared back at her. "Never mind. The answer will be clear enough shortly."

The two women were crossing the street, approaching the side Ben was on. Neither of them noticed Ben racing up the street. He was almost at the corner and in an instant he would slow down, cross the street and meet Riley on the other side and show her the flowers. But racing around the corner at that exact instant was Danny doing his running. The two brothers collided, and fell to the sidewalk, scattering the flowers.

Georgie and Riley noticed the two brothers now and rushed over to help them. "Are those tulips for me?" Georgie asked.

Danny was the less stunned of the two. "Yes! Yes they are! I got them especially for you." And he gathered up the flowers and gave them to Georgie.

"Are you all right?" Riley asked.

"Yes," mumbled Ben. Emma started crying. "We're going to put you down for a nap." Riley said and the two girls went to the apartment building.

"Oh Ben, I'm so sorry. You came out of nowhere!" Danny pleaded. "Oh right, those tulips! Sorry, it was pure impulse. How much did you pay for them? Twenty dollars? Here an extra twenty as well." And Danny quickly flung a still disoriented Ben forty dollars and went to rejoin the girls.

Ben tried to collect himself and blinked. When he opened his eyes he found Madame Pavone coldly examining him.

"One down, two to go."

 _Coda_

Ben was pale and walked slowly once he returned to his apartment. "Rough day?" Tucker wondered.

"You could say that."

Tucker nodded. "The day could have been better for me as well. Me and Vanessa had a big fight." He sighed. "I just realized something. The reason everybody like your mother and Mrs. Perrin are so angry at you isn't your fault. They're just trying to deal with their grief and they're taking it out on you." He paused. "You know, considering my own loss, that makes my ability to objectively criticize you even more remarkable."

"Thanks Tucker," and Ben awkwardly moved to his room. There he noticed Ruth awake sitting in her crib. She smiled and gurgled happily.

"Well you're happy to see me for once." Ben picked up his younger daughter up and rocked her gently.

"Please don't give up." Riley begged.

"I'm not going to."

 **TV Guide Preview 6.19 "Groundhog Night."**

Tucker has the best day of his life, both professionally and romantically, but he finds himself slipping backward in time. Danny finally returns to the bar, in the flesh. Ben realizes there is something very wrong with his plans.

 **TV Guide Preview 6.20 "Baby? Daddy?"**

In the series finale, Tucker and Danny are married to the loves of their lives. Bonnie has a scheme that is only mildly illegal and adulterous. Riley has an unusual confrontation with her boss. And Ben realizes that he is on the verge of losing absolutely everything. 


	13. Chapter 13 619 Groundhog Night

**Groundhog Night**

 _Intro_

Ben was dropping off Emma at daycare. "Remember Emma, try and take your naps and be a good girl. I love you." He kissed her goodbye and was about to walk out the door.

"Daddy! Wait! I remembered something!"

"What is it honey?"

"Grandma gave me a gift, but it was broken." And Emma showed him the box with the earrings that Bonnie had given her about 36 hours earlier. "I tried to put them on, but they didn't work." Ben took the earrings and looked at his daughter's ears. Of course they were "broken," since her ears weren't pierced. Ben sighed, since Bonnie was either presumptuous enough to assume Ben would pierce Emma's ears to fit the gift, or even do it herself. But he realized he could replace them with clip-ons.

"Emma, the earrings aren't actually broken. But they're the wrong type for your ears. I'm going to replace them and get proper ones." And he put the box in his jeans pocket, the same jeans he was wearing when Riley died.

 _Intro Music_

 _Act 1_

Bonnie Wheeler was walking to an appointment when her phone rang. "Hello, I'm Mary Hart, from the Mary Hart Show. And I would like to invite you to something special."

"Is this actually Mary Hart? Because you sound like a promo."

"Yes, my lawyers tell me it's an excellent idea for legal reasons. Now let me remember, you used to be my maid."

"No."

"Let's see, I slept with your husband, and managed to convince him that you were the one guilty of adultery."

"I certainly hope that you didn't."

"Now I remember! You tried to be my co-host, but Tucker Dobbs stabbed you in the back, and I replaced you with the boy toy I was sleeping with."

"Now that does sound familiar. What can I do for you Mary?"

"Well Tucker used to be my producer. Now he's managed to make his way up so that he's going to interview me early this afternoon. And I would like to make that as awkward as possible."

"I'm listening."

"Your real estate firm has a file, the Panopticon File. which could be especially awkward for Tucker. I was wondering if you could meet me so I could look at it. For a perfectly reasonable fee of course."

"I take much of the day off, I embarrass Tucker, and I get paid for it! What's not to like?"

An hour later, Ben was at the office of his bar, and trying to keep an eye on Ruth in her crib, when the phone rang. "Hello! I'm Mary Hart! You may know me from my internationally famous television show!"

"I know who you are. We've met on several occasions."

"Really? Because I don't remember that at all."

"Is there a reason you're calling me?"

"Yes, do you know Tucker Dobbs?"

"He's my best friend and my roommate for the past four years."

"Actually he's meeting me this afternoon, but he forgot some documents. They're in a blue envelope and they're very important. They're actually at his accountant's."

"I think I can get them. Where should I meet you?"

Half an hour later, Vanessa received a call. "Hello! I'm Mary Hart!"

"I know who you are. Is this about Tucker?"

"Why yes. He was going to interview me today."

"I'm not in a good mood about him."

"Really? That's so sad. Tell me more."

It was early afternoon. And Tucker was about to interview Mary Hart. She smiled complacently as Tucker made some last minute talks with the show's technicians. Vanessa was watching unenthusiatically from stage left. Ben quickly moved up to her, carrying Ruth in tow. "It hasn't started yet?"

"Another one of Tucker's suck-up interviews. No, not yet." Vanessa looked up at Ben and noticed how pale and sick he looked. "What's up with you? I can imagine you looking miserable the day Riley was buried. But why would you look so much worse two days after that?"

"Don't worry about it. I looked much worse last night." And indeed that was true. Just then Tucker spoke up. "Hello everyone! Today our special guest is daytime host Mary Hart."

Hart nodded. "Yes. You used to be my producer. Well it's nice that once we left, we're both better off."

"Quite true!" Tucker turned to the audience. "Ms. Hart isn't known only for hosting, but for her many charitable activities. I'd like to talk about one of them, the Outer Boroughs Orphan League. Perhaps you could tell everyone what it is."

"Total softball question." Vanessa muttered, as she rolled her eyes.

"Well Tucker," Mary Hart stated. "The Outer Boroughs Orphan League was founded in 1949 to help poor and deprived children from all the non-Manhattan parts of New York. It doesn't only deal with orphans, but also with homeless children, children living in circumstances of domestic violence..."

Meanwhile Bonnie had joined Ben and Vanessa, along with the Panopticon File. "Mom, what are you doing here?"

"Mary Hart asked me to bring this file. She's going to cue me for a dramatic entrance."

"Why would she do that when she's the one being interviewed?"

"Damned if I know. By the way have you heard anything from Riley's old boss Miss Jensen? She called me today saying that she wanted to contact both you and Tucker."

"I've actually been really busy the last couple of days..."

Back on the stage Tucker interrupted his guest. "That's all very interesting. But what I'm concerned about are allegations that the OBOL is being used as a front for money laundering and corruption."

Mary Hart kept smiling, though she looked with fierce determination at Tucker. "Really? I think that would be an unwise area to go into." And she motioned Bonnie to bring the Panopticon File. She took it and took out a paper. "Naturally a lot of powerful people want to be seen doing charitable things. And whenever one of them is caught for doing something wrong people look suspiciously at the charity. Quite unfairly though. For example, here's a record of your mother Joanne Dobbs, being involved with the Panopticon Property Holding Company."

"Excuse me, what does this have to do with OBOL?"

"Why Tucker dear, you seem a little nervous. I can't imagine why. Oh look, your friend has some more useful information." And she motioned Ben to bring her the blue envelope she had asked him to bring. "Now these documents strike me as especially interesting. And I think they involve you personally as well..."

"Me...personally?"

"Well, they start with your mother and they go on to you. Let's see...all sorts of complex financial transactions that may appear awkward. If one was to be especially rigid on such matters. A more generous perspective might drop the matter altogether."

"I don't understand...how could there have been any documents about me..."

"Well, some of these are just ordinary banking transactions. And more of them deal with Mrs. Dobbs and her relationship with the controversial developer Vance Quincannon. But we wouldn't want to go on about it, do we Tucker?"

Tucker appeared speechless. Vanessa winced off stage. "Why Tucker you appear almost pale. Is there something you want to say?" Mary Hart smiled in her patented tone of fake compassion.

"I...I...I..."

"Ten seconds to commercial break..." a technician said.

"I..Well..." And then suddenly Tucker smiled. "That isn't actually my mother in those documents."

"And we're out for four minutes!"

"What are you talking about?" Mary Hart hissed.

"Those documents Joanne Dobbs signed. Same first name, same last name. But they're two months old, and my mother's been dead for more than four." Tucker smiled again. "You see, I couldn't access the Panopticon file. But it occurred to me that if you thought it compromised me Mrs. Wheeler would be happy to give it to you. So thanks for getting it."

"There's nothing here that supports your insinuations."

"Well if you look in those three photographs you'll see three occasions where you were with Vance Quincannon at OBOL gatherings."

"There's no crime in being in the same room as a man."

"No, but perjury is." And Tucker reached over to one of the documents in the blue envelope Ben brought. "This is your grand jury testimony saying you never met Quincannon."

Mary Hart glared bitterly at Tucker. "This isn't about you Mary. It isn't even about Quincannon. I want the big guy behind everything. You know there's a political party in this city with a lot more money than votes."

Twenty minutes later, the interview ended. Tucker and Mary Hart insincerely shook hands, and then Tucker strode over to join his friends.

"That was incredible," Vanessa gasped. "I never thought you were capable of doing something like this."

"I'm stunned too." Ben added. "Well not really with this President. But still..."

"When did you do this?"

"Remember when I said I was upstate for that incredibly dissolute bachelor party. And then later when I said I was recuperating from a horrible hangover afterwards."

"Yes."

"Well actually I was doing extremely dull and meticulous journalism. Also, thanks for telling Mary that cover story."

Bonnie was unenthusiastic. "Something tells me you're not going to be humiliated on national television."

"Are you kidding Mrs. Wheeler?" Vanessa pointed out. "This has to be the best day of Tucker's life!"

"And it's only getting started." Tucker smiled. He got down on one knee, took out a small box from one of his coat pockets and opened it to reveal an engagement ring.

 _Act 2_

"Vanessa Virginia Van Jackson, will you marry me?"

For a few seconds Vanessa was speechless. But only for a few. "Yes! Absolutely yes!" And she embraced him.

Bonnie spoke up. "Brad just tweeted me. Quincannon saw the interview and he immediately called the office."

Ben was worried. "Let's see. You compromised a major client on national television because you released confidential information. So you're fired?"

"Actually the exact opposite happened. He immediately paid the firm 800K he'd been welshing on. So me and Brad can take the rest of the day off to celebrate." Bonnie smiled. "Isn't it wonderful how everything works out for the best?"

"Sometimes. Mom, could you watch Ruth for a couple of hours? I've got an important appointment to meet."

"Don't forget to meet us for our engagement party later this evening! I'll text you the details." Tucker called to him.

And half an hour later Ben was back at Madame Pavone's. "It's a pleasure doing business with you," she smiled smugly as she collected another two hundred dollars in cash from him.

Ben looked warily around as Madame Pavone started to work her magic. "Look, is there any way I can choose when I am going back in time? Because I do have some good ideas of how I could change things..."

"Sorry, I couldn't hear you," Madame Pavone replied with just a touch of malice. And once again, Ben found himself on a rush of strange sensory overload, even though he couldn't see anything. He was overwhelmed by the temporal vertigo. No. He was not so much overwhelmed, as it was deliberately overwhelming him. He intuited that something was clearly trying to deposit him in a ten minute period where he couldn't change anything and his effort would be useless. He remembered when he was a teenager swimming and realized that he was caught in an undertow. If he didn't break free he would drown. With the same sense of effort he struggled against the temporal vertigo. And with a sudden exertion he broke free...and found himself in his apartment.

Ben had the presence of mind to take out his cell phone and check the date. It was 2:06 in the afternoon on the last Thursday in October, ten months ago. "OK, let's think. Emma is in daycare. I'm doing some errands before going back to the bar to manage it. Riley is three and a half months pregnant with Ruth. But she's in Vancouver as part of Danny's brief attempt to join the Canucks. Vancouver is three hours behind New York which means she's probably working right now and wouldn't talk to me. And even if she did talk to me there's no way I could explain everything to her in only ten minutes. After that I'd lose my memory." He heard a noise behind him and realized that Tucker was skyping to him from Los Angeles on his laptop. He then overheard his mother. She and Brad were on their around the world cruise and they were stopping by to visit Tucker.

"Ben are you listening to me? I've got the real interesting gift for your mother. 'Interesting' is definitively the operative word. The key ingredient is marmalade!" Tucker smiled happily, unaware that Bonnie was right behind him.

Oh right, the two had been playing pranks on each other just before they left New York a couple of months earlier, which means they were still doing so now. How did that work out? "I have to save Riley. I'm just going to have to assume my mother and my best friend are not going to kill each other while I think of something." Ben paced back and forth across the floor, while Bonnie and Tucker started to argue.

"I've got it! I'll call Aunt Victoria. If I can do something now that makes her less angry ten months later, she won't walk out on the street and Riley won't be killed pushing her out of harm's way." Ben quickly called his Aunt. "Hi Aunt Victoria!"

"What do you want?' Victoria Manafort replied coldly. "I'm not lending you any money."

"This isn't about money."

"I find it hard to believe that a deadbeat like you would call me for any reason other than money."

"Actually I'm calling you because all my close friends and relatives have recently moved away."

"I thought you had a daughter. Out of wedlock."

"Yes, but I find that conversation with a three year old lacks a certain spark." Ben looked at his watch. He also looked at the laptop. Brad, for some reason, was covered in whip cream. Bonnie, for some other reason, was trying to stab Tucker with a spatula, while Tucker was defending himself with a giant pepper shaker. "Actually this isn't about me. This is about you and Mom."

"Our relationship is really none of your business."

"Mom does love you. It's important for you to know that."

"Your mother can tell me that herself. And if she does want to tell me that, she can apologize to our mother first."

"Look, I know that there is a lot of stuff between you. But let's take the worst first. Whatever she did with your husband, it's not her fault you were married to a womanizer who cheated on you for years."

"So it's all right she's married to a hot rich twit who's ten years younger than her, while I have no one? Hey is that her voice I hear?"

Ben quickly moved to the laptop, and just as Bonnie was yelling to Tucker "You're almost as irritating as my sister!" while Tucker's boss and a mariachi band entered the room, Ben muted it. "Of course not. Mom's not even in New York..."

Nearly ten minutes later Ben was concluding his chat with his aunt. "Look you're both strong determined women who would do anything to help the people they love. It also means that you can be both be incredibly stubborn and refuse to admit that you were wrong. I'm not asking that you forget all the bad things Mom has done. It's just that next time the two of you argue, you don't let Mom's obstinacy blind you to the incredible and loving woman she can be." Aunt Victoria hung up. Had he changed things? Ben looked at the laptop and switched the sound back on. Brad was still covered in whipped cream, only now there was a lot of marmalade on him as well. Something was dropping confetti in the room, and while the mariachi band was playing, Bonnie and Tucker were singing "Anything you can do I can do better." Bonnie had replaced her spatula with a polo mallet and Tucker was dressed in a bird costume. Ben decided there must be some logical reason why they were doing this, and turned off the laptop. He sighed and closed his eyes. If he had failed, he would find himself back in Madame Pavone's with only one chance left to make things right.

When he opened his eyes he found Riley sitting right by him on the couch in his apartment. It was the night she had died, except she was very much alive, dressed up in the same short skirt and black sweater. Ben couldn't believe he was so lucky, and he still couldn't believe it when Riley reached over and kissed him.

"Now that's odd," she said.

"What? What is?"

"If somebody told me that the first time Ben Wheeler had sex with me he wouldn't make a cheesy come on, I wouldn't believe it. And I definitely wouldn't believe it if I was told he wouldn't make a cheesy come on the first time we made love after giving birth to our first child."

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't apologize. Actually I kind of wished this would happen the first time we started dating."

"...I mean for a moment I thought I was never going to see you again."

"Well you don't have to worry about..." but then Riley looked at Ben more closely. "When you were down at the bar ten minutes ago you were in perfect health. Now you're so pale. Almost ashen."

Ben realized he probably was, since he had just given two thirds of his life away. "Don't worry about it. All I need is a good night's sleep."

"Well I don't think _that's_ going to happen." And she moved towards him again when Ben's phone rang. "Please don't let it be Angela. Please don't let it be Angela." Riley muttered as Ben took it.

It was Tucker. "All right. I've put your aunt in a cab and seen her off safely. Now can I please go back on my date with Vanessa?"

"Is she all right?"

"Yes. She's still mad at your mother, but other than that."

"Thanks for doing that Tucker. I just needed to be sure." Ben hung up and smiled to himself that his brief conversation with his aunt ten months ago had somehow given him the presence of mind to make sure that Tucker kept an eye on her. "OK, where were we?"

"This." And Riley embraced Ben again. "I've been waiting most of my life for this moment. It's taken so long for us to get to this point. And much of that is really my fault. But now after so many years and so many false starts I can now wait for the moment when you whisper gently into my ear..."

"Don't trust Ms. Jensen."

Riley immediately drew back. "What?"

Ben had difficulty remembering the conversation he had overheard two years ago/the day before and he knew he would have even more trouble explaining it to Riley. "I'm sorry. It's really complicated. But there is something definitely not right about her."

"I mean I've always know her to be selfish and unscrupulous. I know she cuts corners. Could she be doing something worse?" Riley reviewed a lot of transactions that she knew Ms. Jensen and Palladino had been involved in, and now that she was suspicious of them they looked a lot more sinister. Then something even more alarming occurred to her. "Do you think she might have something to do with Ross dying so suddenly? Oh my God. It's a good thing I have a weekend to think it over."

Riley took a deep breath and tried to return to her romantic mood. There certainly wasn't anything she could do about it tonight. And for the third time she embraced Ben. But before anything even mildly PG-13 could happen, Ruth started crying. Riley had brought her over from their apartment and she was lying in her crib near the door of Ben's bedroom.

"Oh for Christ's..." Riley, with a great effort of will, managed to contain her anger at being interrupted. But she was still frustrated: "Seriously it's 2017! I know You have a strict rule against pre-marital sex, but it's been months. It's been more than thirteen for Ben. If You just cut him a little slack, You won't regret it." She muttered this as she and Ben got up to look after their daughter.

Fortunately, all Ruth needed was to be changed. Once that was done she was actually happy and soon went back to sleep. As they watched over her, Ben put his hand on Riley's shoulder. Riley reached out to touch it with her hand. "Do you remember when Sam asked you whether you wanted another child with me? Have you ever thought of that?"

"You mean right this minute? Or right this minute nine months from now?"

"Well more at a time that would be convenient for both of us."

"Actually...yes. Very much so. I mean two children can be trying enough. But I would like it if I could say about a kid of mine that the reason she was here was because her parents loved each other, not because I have bad luck with condoms."

"Do you want a boy or a girl?"

"Given how hard it is to find a three bedroom in Manhattan, I'm hoping for a girl."

"Then she could grow up, and we could watch her graduate, and then graduate again from university. And we could watch her get married." Riley sighed happily. Ben smiled, only to realize that he was probably not going to see either of his daughters get married, let alone any future ones graduate high school.

He stepped away from Riley. "I'm sorry. I've been selfish, thinking only about myself. But I can change that." And with that he left Riley and went back into the night.

 _Act 3_

Tucker and Vanessa were returning from their date. "Well, if I say so myself, that was a truly remarkable date. Even more so since I had to spend most of the evening baby-sitting my best friend's mother."

"Yeah, if you say so."

"Is something wrong?" Tucker wondered as he took out his keys.

"It's the oddest feeling. Tonight was great. But I've got the weird sense of Deja vu. It's really strange because I think it's about something that is going to happen. Do you understand?"

Tucker was about to dismiss the idea out of hand, when it occurred to him that there was something to it. "I'm sure it's nothing," he said with an uneasy confidence as he opened the apartment door. The two were a little surprised to find Riley frantically pacing, or more accurately frantically tiptoeing since she didn't want to wake Ruth. "Is something wrong?" Vanessa queried.

"Me and Ben came back here. But suddenly Ben said he was being selfish and he got up and left. I couldn't follow him because I had to watch over the girls. I know Ben is going to do something desperate and dangerous and foolish, and I've got to stop him."

"Well you're not having sex with him, so how foolish could it be?" Tucker objected.

"Have you tried calling him?" Vanessa suggested.

"I'm so stupid! I shut off my phone because I didn't want us to be disturbed. And now I'm so distraught I forgot where I put it."

Tucker and Vanessa looked around and Vanessa noticed it one of the shelves near the door. "Here is it. Oh, there's a message."

Riley quickly grabbed the phone and started the message. It was Ben. "Riley this is the last time we're ever going to talk. I'm sorry and it's very complicated. But if we stayed together, the best case scenario, the very best case scenario, is that you'd be a widow before you turned fifty. It's not fair that you should lose both Wheeler brothers. So I'm going to make things right." There was a click as the message ended. Riley collapsed to her knees and almost howled: "NOOOOOO!"

"Is this making any sense?" Tucker asked.

Back at Madame Pavone's, the proprietor took her third and final installment of $200. "I can't really expect to live more than twenty years can I?" Ben wondered regretfully.

"An actuary would give you sixty years when you began this. Since you've done this twice, you now have only twenty. Give or take five years."

"I understand. Let's do this." And once again Ben felt himself facing the rush of sensory overload, the rollercoaster of temporal vertigo. But this time, he was strong enough to decide where he wanted to go. With a considerable effort, he was able to reach his destination. It was the night that Bonnie had more or less broken up her sister's marriage. But Ben wasn't here for that. He was downstairs studying trigonometry with Riley, in her fat, socially awkward phase. "In fact, there's nothing you can't do if you try hard enough."

"Riley, we need to talk." And Ben put down his math materials. "I know you have a crush on me."

"What?! That is so...what?!" Riley replied in her singularly unconvincing way. Just then the phone rang, and Ben deliberately ignored it. Looking at her, Ben noticed that while Riley could deceive herself, at some level she couldn't lie to him. He nevertheless persisted. "Riley, I know you hide it well. Very well actually. But behind all the practical jokes and bullying, you think that I could be a better person. That if I smartened up or had a little luck I could be this wonderful person that you're dreaming of. And I have to tell you that's never going to happen. The Ben who ruined your sweet sixteen party is the real Ben."

"Wait, you're sorry for that? That's so sweet of you!" And she reached out to embrace him. Ben realized this wasn't working to plan and recoiled. "Look, I'm a shallow guy! The only way I would ever love you is if you lost a hundred pounds."

"So you're saying you'd go out with me if I lost a hundred pounds."

"No! We're getting off track! You should love someone who loves you even though you're fat and unpopular! It's Danny who loves you!"

"Really?" Riley sounded skeptical.

"Look he's your closest and dearest friend!"

"Well since he's virtually my only friend, that's not quite the recommendation you think it is."

"He's also the most handsome and popular guy you know. I can tell you he's destined to have a great future in professional sports. And he's loved you every day since he met you."

"Again, really? Isn't he fooling around with Josie Feltshank right as we speak?"

"Well yes... But the point isn't that he's your best friend, so much as you're his best friend. The only reason he hasn't asked you is because he doesn't want to ruin your friendship."

"Yet again, really? That's the only reason you can think of for why Danny has made out with the entire cheerleading squad?"

"Look, guys can be very stupid about sex! You can wait five or ten years to realize that I'm never going to improve. Or you can go up to the man who's always loved you and have the perfect life you deserve. The only reason you think you're attracted to me is because everyone's belittled you for so long. So you don't think you're worthy of Danny..."

"That is not really..." But just there was a strident shout from his parent's bedroom: "BENJAMIN BRET MICHAELS WHEELER GET OVER HERE! I need you to witness what your mother has done!"

"Ben, there's no need to-wait you think I named my son after Bret Michaels? Can't you give me any credit for taste?"

"You should see what your aunt wants." Riley said.

"Look if you go to Danny tomorrow and tell him you love him, you won't regret it."

"This sounds like a prank."

"What's the worst that could happen? You talk to Danny, and if turns out that I'm lying, you'll both beat the crap out of me. But since you're both probably going to do that to me in the near future anyway, why not take the chance?"

Riley was extremely suspicious. But something in Ben's tone, plus the fact that he had guessed her feelings towards her made her reconsider. "So it's like Pascal's Wager!"

Ben struggled to figure out what Riley was talking about. He only remembered what it was exactly ten seconds after present day Riley would have gotten impatient waiting for him to recall. "Yes! Exactly! Only instead of eternal damnation, it's sex!" He walked towards the feuding sisters when he blinked-and found himself sitting back at Madame Pavone's. "That wasn't ten minutes. Wait! I'm not dead!"

"Look at your watch." Ben did so and he found himself a couple of hours earlier than when he made his third and fatal visit to Madame Pavone's. "Consider this a rounding error in your favor. You have enough time to go back to the bar and say goodbye to all your friends."

Ben got up, weaker than at any time before in his life. He almost staggered/crawled to the door, and it took some minutes for him to resume a halfway normal walking pace. But despite the vertigo and shortness of breath he managed to return to the bar. There he saw his mother and aunt arguing, while Tucker was nearby trying to avoid their conversation. Ben looked around when he heard a call.

"Ben! Good to see you bro!"

And it was Danny, alive at last, holding Riley by his side. Then Danny decided to kiss her. Ben saw the two of them embrace, and noticed the wedding rings they both wore. With considerable effort, he successfully hid his feelings as he put on a genial smile. Before he could think of what next to do with the little time he had left, someone barked at him. "Wheeler! There you are! You're supposed to be doing your job! Get behind the bar or I'll fire you!"

Wheeler quickly did so, and realized that it was Ian Hughes abusing him. So he must have bought the bar. "That means I never slept with his wife. The sacrifices I make."

 _Coda_

Ben was trying to dry glasses, when Tucker sat down at the bar. "It's odd. I've got this strange sense of Deja vu. I get the sense that I proposed to Vanessa. The odd thing is that it's not something I've done but something I'm going to do, very shortly. And thinking about future events is against the whole point of Deja vu. And I got another sense of Deja vu, about this great date with Vanessa. But it's not about a date I had in the past, but the date I'm about to have later this evening. Isn't that weird?'

"Uh-huh." Ben nodded weakly. He could barely stand and felt feverish. His vision was not entirely clear and he was desperately tired. "Tucker, I don't want to be rude. But I really need to talk to Emma and Ruth."

Tucker stared oddly at Ben. "Who are you talking about?"

"My daughters!" Tucker laughed. "What's so funny?"

"Ben, you don't have any children." 


	14. Chapter 14 620 Baby? Daddy?

**Baby? Daddy?**

 _Intro_

Ben desperately grabbed Tuckerby the collar."What do you mean I don't have any children?!" ****

Tucker laughed. Not realizing that Ben was incredibly sick, with less than half an hour to live, he easily disentangled himself from Ben. "Well, Ben, you may find this difficult to understand. But to have a baby you first have to have sex. And as reasonably charming bartenders go, you're practically a monk."

Ben gasped in shock, then literally gasped for a few seconds. "You mean I've never had sex at all?!"

Tucker was about to make a flippant reply. But something about Ben made him be serious for an instant. "Well, not _never_. But I can't count the times you managed to pick up an attractive girl, only to stop before you could seal the deal, because you think it would be wrong to engage in meaningless sex."

Ben was close to panic. "Angela! What about Angela!? Do you remember Angela?"

"Brunette? Fairly attractive? Larger breasts than your sister-in-law? She appears in a TV show as a female cop?"

"Yes, exactly!"

"Of course I remember her. You dated her for a couple of months. And then on the day you were going to go all the way, you broke up with her because, and I quote, 'she's a selfish, horrible woman who would never be a good parent.' And I said 'Dude, it's not like she's going to be the mother of your child...'" Tucker turned away from Ben, and didn't notice him faint behind him.

 _Intro Music_ starts, and then abruptly halts, _with big questions marks following "Baby" and "Daddy"_

 _Act 1_

"Ben, are you all right?" Tucker asked as Ben successfully struggled to his feet.

"I'm fine," Ben replied, repressing a gasp. "Are you saying I haven't had any serious relationships?"

"Ben you're only 25. For a man of your looks and no strong religious principles, you've had a surprisingly small number of trivial ones." As Ben tried to take this in, Tucker continued. "I mean there was Sam. You had a crush on her through high school, and when you met her by chance last year you actually went to considerable and mildly amusing efforts to get her. And you succeeded. And then you dated for a couple of months and then you broke up because you wanted something more serious. Wait, why I am telling you all this? You know all this!"

"Just as you also know that the real reason you broke up with Sam is that she once had a fling with Danny, and you didn't want Riley to find out." Vanessa chimed in.

"Oh there you are babe." The two of them kissed, while Ben desperately tried to think. "But what about Danny and Riley? Surely they have a couple of girls?"

"What's going on?" Vanessa wondered.

"Ben's pretending he has amnesia and I'm playing along for no good reason."

"What a dull game."

"Do Danny and Riley have any children?" Ben almost yelled, but it came out more as a squeak.

"Those two?" Tucker smirked. "Not unless Danny hired a surrogate and forgot to check up on her. Which is admittedly something that could plausibly happen."

"Did someone mention me?" Riley asked. But then, before Tucker could answer..."Ow! Mrs. Wheeler, did you throw a pen at the back of my head?"

"No," Bonnie answered, picking up the pen from the floor. "I actually threw a pen at the back of my sister's head when she went to the bathroom, and it hit you by mistake. God, my sister is so frustrating!"

Riley looked at Ben. "Is there something wrong with you? You look awful."

"I'll be fine," he lied.

"It's like you're trying to find someone you'll never see again." Riley checked herself. "What an odd metaphor."

"Two people actually," Ben whispered. "But something is definitely not right."

"Well if you wait until your shift ends, I'm sure Ramon can help you." Tucker suggested.

"Ramon?" Ben almost whispered.

"Wow, Ben, I don't know why you're playing this game. But you're really keeping in character. How could anyone forget our wonderful roommate Ramon? Our life has been so different in the past three years since Danny moved out and he moved in. Why without him, it's unimaginable that your mother would ever have met and married Brad, or that Riley would ever have gotten that law firm job, or I could have ever become a producer or you could have ever learned those tricks which apparently help your bartending. I'm sure he'll know exactly what your problem is."

"I very much doubt that."

"Ramon is so wonderful," Bonnie agreed. "Whenever I wonder how Ben could do better, which is not very often because I should obviously be spending more time on Danny, I think, if only he could be exactly like Ramon." She went back to her table to resume her conversation/argument with her sister.

Ben took Tucker aside. "Look, I have to leave and check something. Please cover for me."

"You're not going to be long?"

"Probably not more than twenty minutes." Since I'll probably be dead then, he thought. Just before he left he remembered something. "Oh, and keep an eye on Aunt Victoria. Make sure that nothing happens to her." He then dashed out of the bar.

"Who's this Aunt Victoria? The only relative I see is your Aunt Shirley." Tucker asked himself.

Just then Danny came by. "Isn't it great that Mom and her sister are talking to each other?"

"Actually, they've been arguing," Riley pointed out.

"Well I'm sure it'll all work out for the best."

Riley paused, and then shivered. She tried to remember something that had never happened. "Does anyone get the impression that there is something very very wrong?"

Danny pondered the idea. "Let me think... No! In fact, I feel better than I have in months!"

"Well that's good honey." Riley tapped her fingers on the bar. "For some reason, I'm thinking of...milk."

"Why would you go to a bar for milk?"

"I'm sorry. I don't know, I just feel kind of tense..."

"Sweetie, it makes me so sad to see you upset. I think I know how to solve it."

"Really?"

"Yes! You're working too hard at your law firm!"

"Well that has been very stressful and..."

"So you should quit it entirely!"

"What?! What would I live on?"

"You wouldn't have to live on anything! I make more than enough money for both of us to live on, even for Manhattan."

"And you could devote all your spare time to caring for my new grandchild!" Bonnie called from the table where she was talking to Victoria.

"Again, still not thinking the grandchild idea is a good one." Victoria snarked.

Bonnie glared at her sister. "Huh!?" said Danny. "I hadn't thought about it. But that would be a good idea!"

"Let's consider that Plan B, or C or D." Riley replied. "Anyway, I'm sure it's nothing." But Vanessa noticed she still tapped her fingers nervously.

Meanwhile, Madame Pavone was reading a magazine at her place of business when Ben burst in, staggering and wheezing for breath. "Oh good, I was wondering when you would come back."

"My daughters...they no longer exist!"

"No. No they don't. Isn't it funny when you try to do the right thing, and then destiny comes and kicks you in the butt?"

"How did this happen?"

"Let's see. You told the only woman you ever loved that you were never going to be good enough for her. That explains why you don't have daughter #2. Meanwhile the experience subtly affected your timeline so that Past You was ashamed of womanizing and was much less promiscuous. That explains why you don't have daughter #1."

"But just because I didn't father them, that doesn't stop them from being born to Danny and Riley later?"

"No...that's not how heredity works." And then she burst out laughing. "You are such a schmuck! You thought you could blackmail me, someone who let thousands of innocent people die just to screw over my husband and his girlfriend. And now you're totally screwed! I've heard of fathers who beat up and abused their kids. But you've made sure they never actually existed! I can't _imagine_ what they do to people like you!"

Ben realized you. "I paid you $600 and you promised that manipulating the timeline wouldn't hurt other people."

Madame Pavone thought about this. "I did promise that. Oh right, I lied. Sue me. Oh wait, you can't because you're going to die soon."

"I'll give you anything!"

"You have nothing left to give me! You don't even have a bar anymore!" Ben stumbled to his knees and had to get up with great difficulty as Madame Pavone jeered at him.

"Wait a minute! I've already given you three thirds of the remainder of my life. If you let me go back to Angela, and I conceive Emma again, you can take all my life after that point. Well not all my life, because it would be creepy if I dropped dead immediately afterwards. Perhaps a couple of days later. I'll never see my daughter, but that doesn't matter."

"My, you are resourceful under pressure." Madame Pavone was impressed. "That could work. But there are two fatal flaws with that plan. First, I don't want to help you. Second, you have two daughters. How is little Ruth going to be born, when there is no way that Riley will ever love you?"

Ben desperately thought. "There has to be a way."

"Actually there is a way. You remember Greek mythology when the Gods would seduce women by taking the form of their husband? Well there is actually a magical way for Danny to perform his marital duties, but it would be your sperm that he'd be using."

"Is there really such a way?"

"Cross my heart and hope you die. I could do it and you would pay me by dropping dead the moment Ruth is conceived. But there's a problem. Aside from not wanting to do it. You're not actually touching Riley, and Riley has no way of knowing what you've done. But you're still having sex without her consent. That's assault. So, it's up to you, the life of your unborn child at the price of the most hurtful thing you could do to the woman you loved."

Madame Pavone smiled with grim pleasure as Ben tortured himself with the dilemma she posed. "I can't, I can't do that to Riley."

And then he fainted to the floor. Madame Pavone chuckled slightly. "Ironically that is what she will want more than anything else in the world. But you'll never know that."

 _Act 2_

Once more Ben struggled to get to his feet. Madame Pavone was still in gloat mode. "How many times have you been doing that? I think people watching you are just going to say 'give it up and die already.'"

Ben tried to concentrate. How much time did he have left? Clearly Madame Pavone didn't want him to drop dead in her business. What complicated matters was that when he started giving up thirds of his life it was actually several days in his future. Obviously, he didn't have that much time. He looked at his watch, and realized just how much time he did have. He had a couple of minutes left here, the time it would take to get back to the bar, and then a couple of minutes left to do what he had to do.

"There's nothing you can do. Nobody can help you."

"Wait! There is one person." Madame Pavone had not bothered to put away the mystical objects she used to send Ben's mind back in time. So he whipped out his cell phone and used it to photo the objects on the table. He quickly made a number of other photos of relevant objects. He noticed that there was a poster from Madame Pavone's trip to Rome, advertising the Roman catacombs. He didn't know why, but he quickly took a photo of it as well. Then he stood still for a moment as he gathered his breath-and then dashed out the door.

Meanwhile, back at the bar, Victoria abruptly got up from the table where she had been arguing with Bonnie and retreated crying to the restroom. Bonnie got up, went to the vacant bar and helped herself to a drink.

Riley went up to her. "Mrs. Wheeler, is Mrs. Manafort all right?"

"Oh she's just being dramatic. Just like I would if I were in her situation."

"Oh. And what would you do if you were actually deeply upset?"

"Well, obviously I'd do something completely different. Think about it Riley."

Riley shrugged her shoulders, and wandered back to the others, where Tucker was reminiscing about his other roommate. "God, Ramon is such a wonderful guy. Remember when he decided to play a prank on his old parochial school teachers? And me and Ben were chased ten blocks by a group of very vindictive nuns? And they caught him and drenched him with risotto sauce? And of course, there was that time when Ramon did something so about absolutely perfect that no one could every possibly forget it, and the memory of it was an indelible mark on our soul. You remember that Riley?"

Riley tried to think. "I'm sorry. Something's not right."

Danny stood beside her. "Something's disturbing you. You're not upset about that fling I had in Calgary? That was a year and a half ago and I keep telling you, she meant nothing to me."

"No, no, it's not that. That psychiatrist/marriage counselor made it quite clear that I was wrong to react so badly."

"Am I only the one who thought that psychiatrist had the hots for Danny?" Vanessa asked no one in particular.

"Look," Danny said, gently holding Riley close to him, "I don't quite understand it, but something very important had happened. And though why it happened isn't clear either, I think I've learned something very important. Something very important about the two of us. It may seem strange, but I realize that whatever has happened and is going to happen, we are destined to be together. And do you know why I think that?"

"No." Riley answered.

"Because I deserve you. Whatever has happened, me and you are together because I am the best man for you. Doesn't it make you happy knowing that?!"

"Ummm, sure."

"Is it just me or am I only the one who thinks Riley doesn't deserve Danny?" Vanessa asked.

"Darling, everybody thinks Riley isn't good enough for him. Except for Danny of course." Tucker replied.

"That's not what I meant by deserve. I meant..."

"Oh wait. Ben won't hear a word against her for some strange reason...Oh, speak of the devil." For Ben had just arrived and was trying to make his way to Bonnie. Unfortunately Ian Hughes caught him. "You miserable wretch! I tell you to do your job and you run off the second my back is turned!"

"Mr. Hughes, if you could come back in another five minutes..."

"No! Listen you lazy bugger..." and Hughes poked Ben sharply in the chest. Which was enough in Ben's desperate shape to push him to the floor. It was exactly at this instant that a distraught Victoria left the bar altogether while Bonnie's back was turned. Hughes realized that he had just assaulted an obviously sick man. Noticing people watching him, he shuffled away awkwardly. "Carry on Wheeler. Keep up with the good work." An increasingly irate Danny followed, with Riley and Ce Ce the waitress after him to make sure Danny didn't do something rash.

Tucker helped Ben get to his feet. "Keep an eye on Aunt Victoria." Ben said as he dashed over to Bonnie. "Mom! You've got to help me!"

"Ben, I have a very important meeting with your aunt and I don't have time to deal with your petty problems."

"Mom! You are the only person who can save my daughters!"

Bonnie looked at her son, and then laughed a little. "I should be upset for you having children out of wedlock, but actually I'm more concerned about how deluded your optimism is."

"Mom please. First Danny died and then several months later Riley died. I went to Madame Pavone's and saved Riley and then saved Danny. But something went wrong and I lost Emma and Ruth. You can't save me, but you can save them."

"Ben, when I made unsubtle hints about being a grandmother, that was to make Riley feel guilty. You weren't supposed to volunteer."

"Look Mom, it's kind of complicated and I have very little time. But I managed to put most of the story on my phone running back from Madame Pavone's." An idea then came to Ben. "Look, there are photos of the girls!" And he showed it to Bonnie.

"All I see are some selfies." And she turned her back. Ben realized to his horror that the time changes had deleted his photos. If only he had something with him. He stuck his hand in his other pants pocket, and found a small box. Instantly he realized it was the box of earrings his mother had given to Emma for her birthday, and which Emma had given to him the very last time they met.

"Mom! You gave Emma these earrings. Well actually you will give them. Like I said it's complicated."

"Ben you're not making any sense."

"Mom! I know Tucker realizes that time has changed, and I think Riley realizes something's wrong. Please! You love Emma; she's the only person you love as much as Danny! You've read to her, and had tea parties with her and changed her more times than I can count. And you gave her these earrings!" Ben thrust the box at her. "If you look at them you'll realize who she is."

Bonnie was very skeptical as she opened the box. "You say I gave these earrings to someone named Emma. Ben, please. These aren't earrings for a woman. These are for a little girl..." And then something seemed to click in Bonnie's mind... But just then there was a bloodcurdling howl as Victoria Manafort was hit by the truck that Riley had originally saved her from at the cost of her own life.

"VICKIE!" Bonnie screamed. She started to get up to leave. "Oh no..." Ben gasped as he started to faint. But he still had the presence of mind to slip his phone into her purse before she left. He staggered while Danny, Ce Ce and several others left the bar to see what happened. Riley was about to join them when she saw Ben in obviously wretched health. "Ben! Is there something wrong?"

Ben looked into Riley's eyes. He remembered Danny's other girlfriends, and how, sometimes they occasionally looked at him with indifferent benevolence. He remembered Brad sometimes looking at him with genuine, if rather lukewarm concern. This was different. It was very different. And how could he respond? He had less than a minute to live. How could he tell his brother's wife that he loved her? How could he tell her that because of him he had replaced their daughter with her husband?

"As long as you're still smiling, there's nothing more I need."

Riley smiled back and joined Danny and Bonnie outside. Ben made a last few steps and collapsed into the middle of a couch. Tucker walked up to him. "Wow, Ben, you should really be in bed." Tucker waved his hand in front of Ben's closed eyes. "Ben? Are you listening to me?" Tucker picked up Ben's right hand. "That's funny. You don't appear to have a pulse. Oh wait. There's some trick where if you put a rubber ball under your armpit..." Tucker didn't notice Ben's corpse slump down as he held its hand.

 _Act 3_

It was the day after Ben's funeral. Riley was at work, still dressed in mourning, except for a pearl necklace she had absent-mindedly put on. Just then Bonnie, who was clearly not dressed in mourning, came in carrying a couple of champagne glasses. "Who's up for a cocktail?!"

"Mrs. Wheeler, there are some problems you can't solve with alcohol." That didn't stop Riley from immediately gulping down the drink Bonnie put in front of her. As Bonnie poured her another drink, Riley sighed deeply. "Are you OK?" Bonnie asked.

"Ben deserved more friends." Riley paused.

Just then Danny burst in. "Babe, I just had to see to you! I know you've been so upset and I know exactly why!"

"You do?" Riley responded with some surprise.

"Yes! You're frightened that if Ben can go from perfect health to just dropping dead in just a few hours, the same thing could happen to me. So I took this extremely thorough physical, and the doctors told me there's absolutely nothing wrong with me! Isn't that terrific?"

"Perfect," said Riley with little enthusiasm. Danny happily left on his way. Riley slowly sipped her second cocktail. "It's not just that I've known Ben all my life, and that for years I thought I loved him before I knew what love was. It's that I remember so many times, I would catch a look at him, and I'd see something in his eyes. That in those little flecks of yellow, he would think that he would never be as good as his brother. And I would feel that wasn't true. That he could be so much more if people just had a little more faith in him. If they respected him more. That and something else..."

"I didn't realize that you felt that way about him."

"It's not fair what happened to Ben. But it's more than that. Something has gone wrong, very wrong. I feel like I've made the wrong choice. That I made the easy choice. And it's not only that. There's a line from _King Lear_ by a character named Edgar. I suppose Edgar is my favorite Shakespearean character. He says, 'The _worst_ is not. So _long as we_ can _say "This is the worst_ "' And that's what I can't stop thinking about. Because bad as it is that Ben died, I feel that there's this curtain, and everything in me tells me to ignore it, and don't worry about it. And that if I pierced the curtain I'd find something too horrible to contemplate. But I have to go through it. And once I do, I have to do something. I have no idea what it is-" and now Riley stood up, "...but I have to do this regardless...regardless...regardless." Riley started to stagger, and sat back in her chair. "Why can't I keep awake..." as she lost consciousness.

"Because I put a sedative in your drink." Bonnie strode over to her, and quickly removed the one green pearl from Riley's necklace. "You've already saved my sister once. I've got this."

Bonnie quickly departed. Then Ms. Jensen entered. "It's so odd. No matter how many ways this plays out, you're always there Ms. Perrin, complicating my brilliant schemes." She then took out a revolver with a large silencer attached to it. "But not for very much longer," as she aimed it at Riley.

Madame Pavone was just about to close up when Bonnie burst in. "So your idiot son managed to find a way to tell you what happened and you're here to save him. Well the short answer is you can't. If you want to save your other relatives, here are the rules..."

"Actually, I've made some new ones." Bonnie smiled and took out a Cypriot figurine from her purse.

"How did you get this?! It's supposed to be in the Metropolitan Museum of Art!"

"Well I'm not saying I committed adultery. But if I did, I had a really good reason." She then took out another item, like an I-phone, but infinitely more complicated. "I think this temporal flux manipulator will make things a lot easier."

"But this is under government control! You couldn't possibly get it!"

"Yeah, that's why Brad and Tucker are currently in a maximum security prison. And since I would prefer they not stay the rest of their lives there, you better get cracking. Especially since the government knows I stole it and you're involved. So the army is sending, what's larger than a company?"

"A battalion?!"

"Yeah, one of those things. They'll be here in five minutes. So get cracking. Oh, one more thing, you'll also need this..." And Bonnie handed Madame Pavone the pearl. "You see Lucy, Ben told me most of it and I googled the rest. Now here's how it's going to go down. I am going to save my sister, my son and my two granddaughters. And if you try to screw me over, or if something happens to my other son, or my husband, or to Riley, or to Tucker, or to my niece, or to my first husband, or to Jennifer Perrin or, what the hell, even to my own mother, I'm going to break your neck. _Capisce?_ " Bonnie asked in her sweetly threatening tone.

"Capisce!" Madame Pavone winced, conceding defeat. She quickly started moving the objects around. "All right, because of these things, you won't have to pay a third of your life if you do it right this time. But the six month and ten minute rule stand. I can help you save your sister, your son and your first granddaughter. But if you want to save your second granddaughter, you are going to have to do something you're not going to like."

"We'll see." And then it was ten years earlier, the night that Ben told Riley that Danny was in love with her. "...you think that I could be a better person. That if I smartened up or had a little luck I could be this wonderful..." But just then his mother yanked him out of his chair, opened a closet, thrust Ben into it, and locked it.

"Remind me to let him out in ten minutes." Then she yanked Riley by the hand and dragged her to her bedroom. "Now listen Riley. Haven't you always wanted to be me?"

"I have never wanted to be you."

"Wrong! The correct answer is yes, .and tonight you get your chance! Now listen carefully, because time really is of the essence. OK, first off put on these high heel shoes. Suck in your gut. These baseballs will help make your chest look more impressive; just have to wrap them around in some underwear first. Riley start changing! Put that dress on over your clothes." Bonnie was ransacking her drawers while she barked out orders. "For some reason my husband has this blonde wig which looks enough like me. Put it on! Try lowering your voice. And there's a couple of walkie-talkies!"

"Mrs. Wheeler, why I am doing this?"

"Peter is cheating on Vicky. I wanted to catch him doing this, but I realized I'm not strong enough to resist his charms. So you're going to do this instead."

"What the hell is going on?"

Bonnie turned and saw Victoria glaring at her. "Look, Vickie, your husband is cheating on you. I'm using my kids' little friend here to entrap him, and show that to you."

"I don't believe you. You're just jealous of me because he's so much better than the loser who knocked you up with your idiot sons."

Bonnie's first instinct was to argue back. But she knew she didn't have the time. "Listen Vicky, you've looked down on me ever since I was pregnant with Danny. OK, we've been competing for Mom's affection before that. Before Ray Mom preferred me as the beautiful blonde compared to the stick in the mud unsexy brunette." Victoria glared at her sister. "But we've been flipping back and forth for Mom's affection since we were in diapers. Neither of us are the best mothers, but what Mom did was just wrong. OK, Vicky you want the truth? Here's the truth! Yes I envy your wealth and your husband. Yes, as my marriage has faced the rocks, I've wished he was my husband. But you're my sister! We're supposed to stand by each other! Vicky please! I love you and I'm trying to help you!"

"Actually after more than three decades you should know I prefer Victoria."

"Small steps, Vicky, small steps. But however badly you think of my life choices, and however much you're proud of your own...Peter's bad news. There's no good way for me to tell you this. But you have to believe me."

Victoria took a good hard look at her sister-and realized she was right. "Let's do this." And then Bonnie and Victoria were back in the bar on that fateful night. Only this time they weren't sniping at each other but hugging each other as Ben and Riley watched. "I love you Bonnie!" Victoria said.

"I love you too Vicky." After disentangling themselves Victoria exhaled. "Wow, it sure is a hot August night! I really need to get out of this bar and take a walk."

"No! Don't! Stay here!" Bonnie, Ben and Riley all shouted together. "I mean, Ben my darling son, you should give your aunt a drink on the house."

"Absolutely!" Ben agreed as he got up from his chair. "Mom, have you seen Danny?"

"He'll be right here. Let me just take a minute." It was about eighteen months earlier, a couple of weeks before the day Bonnie and Brad had set for their wedding. As the elevator doors opened Bonnie took a deep breath. How hard can this be? Spending 40 hours of labor was unbelievable. This by contrast will be a snap. Actually I'm saving his life, so I should be proud of myself. And Danny will still be completely free to do what he wants.

Danny came out of his apartment. "Hey Mom! Are you still whining about the engagement ring Brad gave you?"

Bonnie smiled at her son and, with the slightest delay, spoke: "Kaufmann."

"What?"

"Ashley's last name. One f, two ns. Ben told me you didn't know what it actually was."

"Gee, thanks Mom!"

"And actually Ashley told me of some restaurants and other activities she'd like. I wrote them down on this card."

Danny took the card. "Wow! That's great. I owe you Mom!"

"Anytime." she smiled as her ten minutes ran out.

Soon it was Bonnie and Brad's wedding. At the dance afterwards, Bonnie danced with an energy and enthusiasm of men eighteen years her junior. As that man, Danny stepped on Ashley's toes a couple of time. "Maybe we should sit down," she tactfully suggested.

She noticed Ben and Riley dancing. "Don't they make a lovely couple?"

"They only look like it. Ben thinks they're destined to be together. But Riley's moved on. Soon she's going to make that clear."

Danny smiled smugly, and looked across the rooftop at Riley. Riley caught his glance. She then looked into Ben's eyes. For an instant she stopped dancing and let go of Ben. Then she grabbed his head and gave him a deep, enthusiastic kiss, whose zeal Ben quickly matched.

Danny was astonished. "Huh. That's one hell of a kiss-off," Ashley said.

 _Coda_

Tucker and Danny were talking to Madame Pavone. "So none of seasons five and six actually happened?" Tucker asked.

"No, no. Most of it happened. This happened. And this happened. And this happened. And this happened. And this happened. And this happened. And this happened. And this happened. And this happened.' And one could see scenes of Riley driving a horse and cab while Ben ineffectively helped Zoe in labor, then of Sam applying for a job at the bar, then of Tucker dressed up as Cher denouncing Mary Hart, then of Riley threatening Angela over lying to _People_ about Ben, then of Tucker crashing through the classroom ceiling while Ben and Bonnie took their final high school exams, then of Bonnie denouncing her mother, then with Danny's wrestling match, then with Ben and Riley going camping, then with Tucker proposing marriage to Vanessa.

"So are Ben and Riley happy?" Danny wondered.

"Well, the first few years are difficult, what with Riley's law firm imploding from massive corruption. But after that things get along much better."

"I feel sad. To have Riley fall in love with me, then have it so that she always loved me, then have it so that she never loved me at all."

Tucker rolled his eyes. "Danny, you ended up marrying Jennifer Lawrence. Stop whining!" He then spoke to Madame Pavone. "So the Wheelers avoided certain death. But what about the other people who died?"

"Funny you should ask." One wonderful summer day Ben walked out of a convenience store as Elle was walking by. She stopped and stared at him. "I know we've never met. But for some reason I believe we are destined to be together!"

Just then Riley came out of the store, pushing Ruth in a baby carriage, and followed by Emma. "I'd say you have really bad timing." Ben replied.

"Oh for heaven's sake..." and Elle took out a Snickers bar. "No don't!" both Ben and Riley yelled. "I mean, you should really get a second opinion about your food allergies," Riley quickly explained.

Tucker was not impressed. "So all the white people get saved? What about my mother? She was the most loving and wonderful woman? She had real strength and integrity..." Just then Tucker's phone rang. As he retrieved it, his wedding ring slipped, and he adjusted it when he answered the phone. "Yes? Oh hi mom." he intoned with a complete lack of enthusiasm.

"That's not all that happened." Madame Pavone. "This happened. This happened. This happened. And this happened." And there were scenes where Ben and Riley helped give Emma a bath, where Ben juggled dolls for Ruth's and Riley's amusement, where Ben and Riley were dressed in giant tomato costumes for a pre-school play, and where Ben and a heavily pregnant Riley sat on the couch and watched _The Last Picture Show._ "And this very definitely happened." "Damn it!" Ms. Jensen exclaimed as she and Pavone were frog marched away by police under Ross Goodman's scowling eyes.

"And one more thing." It was very late on the evening of Bonnie's second marriage. It was Ben's bedroom, and he had at short notice gotten some rose petals and lit some candles. Riley was lying on the bed in her blue maid of honor's dress. "Sorry it took me an extra hour to get it." Ben said, as he took out a box from his pocket. He opened it, revealing, oddly enough the exact same engagement ring that Ben had/would get after Ruth was born. "Riley, will you..."

"Yes! Yes to Everything! Well not everything, I mean to most things. I mean I don't want to say I'll always have sex with you, or there's a lot of time you'll do stupid impulsive things and I should stop you, and I mean this isn't coming out right and I'm not being..."

Ben smiled and kissed her. "I understand." 


End file.
